The Dreaded End-of-year Three Week Break

[Hashi]

koru_kiwi, thank you for your kind thoughts. I'm sorry you're going through something very similar.

I am trying to stay optimistic and tell my self that this break will not only be good for my T, as he deserves some much needed time away to recharge, but it will be good for me to have a break from all the emotional ups and downs that come along with T. It is a lie though...:unsure:

I've been thinking in the same way you describe, that the break will be good for my T and good for me too. I think it's true in some ways for me. Maybe it's more that a break is the last thing I want, but since I don't have a choice I need to try to get something positive from it?

I'm trying to balance a break from the intense emotions with taking time to journal and do art about an issue we'll be discussing when we go back. So far, this feels less like balance and more like a jagged mountain range of swinging from one to another.

It does help me to do art during a break, though. I nearly always go back tongue-tied and newly shy, pushing a sketchbook out in front of me.

I hope your last session before the holidays goes OK. It's great that you have such a good connection and are working through some things that go deep. That makes a break so hard, though.

Take care of yourself.

 

[Hashi]

I'm thankful that I don't have a lot of social obligations over Christmas, only a few. Still, I'm finding it difficult to maintain my fragile composure around so many people. Inevitably, there are quite a few moments when someone's stressing, complaining or taking something too personally.

I realise how much I rely on time with my T to feel that there's another way of approaching things - calmer, more reasonable, more centred. This is something she does well, and something I aspire to. Of course, she has to be like that professionally but I do think she aims to be like that anyway. It's calming just to be with her. I'm missing this already.

 

[squidge]

I also found that my last session of the year highlighted how hard I find it to say thank you. I started seeing my T this year, and was telling her how much more hopeful I feel at the end of it than I'd felt at the beginning. I was hopeless at saying how big a part she's played in that.

I want to let T know just how much I appreciate his consistent support and steadiness throughout this whole healing journey. I am trying to put together a card to give to him tomorrow with a personal thank you note to express my gratitude. Unfortunately, I am really struggling to adequately say what I want to say. :unsure:

 

[Shellbell]

I got round struggling what to say at the last session with my T and how to thank her by telling her how much I hoped she would have an amazing Christmas and how lovely it was she was having a month off to really relax. Which I do really feel and hope she does have a really good break from all the trauma stuff she has to deal with.

It's so hard to go a month without talking to her though.

 

[samson]

How is it going for everyone?

My Christmas went really well. I always dread the time with my family, especially since my mom is in a nursing home now and this was the first Christmas she couldn't come to our gathering. But this year I noticed my perspective has changed. The stress and tension was still there, but somehow I saw it through a different filter. That feels like progress and I hope it's a sign of permanent change.

Now I am on vacation out of town - a God send!

Here's to a healthy and happy new year for all of us.

 

[Lucycat]

It is already a whole week since I saw T. It has flown by.

Only another week to go.

I can do this - and so can he. He must be sooooo glad of the break.:p

 

[ms spock]

I am struggling at the moment. All I want to do is sleep and nap with dvds on. I have cried for a few minutes, perhaps 15 minutes every day for the last couple of weeks. I can't wake up in the morning. Everytime I get moving I feel pretty weepy. So I am not doing much. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

 

[Ayasha]

I am so very ready to go back to school! I can not handle being with my family much longer, I know going back to school does not mean my T is available, but at least I feel safer there. I can't handle forcing myself to be a person without PTSD (or resemble one, really) because if I don't look like I'm better then the parents will go confront the person who caused it. ~sigh~ I hope my T is available after January 2nd. I'll call that week to find out because I should probably see someone after all that's happened.

 

[Hashi]

I am struggling at the moment... So I am not doing much. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad things.

I don't know either, but hope you can continue to take care of yourself however you need to.

I'm sorry you're struggling. Sending you good thoughts.

 

[Hashi]

I can not handle being with my family much longer... I hope my T is available after January 2nd. I'll call that week to find out because I should probably see someone after all that's happened.

It sounds very hard. I hope you can get a T appointment early in that week. Not too much longer...

 

[Hashi]

I've shut down quite a bit in response to family and Christmas stuff, plus the break from therapy. When I emailed my T earlier this week, I had to almost make myself do it to try to reconnect a bit more. Her response was so thoughtful I couldn't help thinking she'd put more effort in than I did, which made me feel guilty.

Everything feels upside down. The way I'm feeling, I'm quite glad to have a few weeks' avoidance. But I don't think it's going to be easy to go back if I continue like this. I'm feeling adrift. I wish things were normal again. I hate this time of year.

I'm not dealing with it well, and I'm not even sure I can deal with it well. Maybe it's inevitable given the holidays and I just need to accept it and hold out for 2nd January.

 

[Ayasha]

Her response was so thoughtful I couldn't help thinking she'd put more effort in than I did, which made me feel guilty.

I don't think she put in more effort, as you said, you had to make yourself do it which is very hard when you are withdrawing. I'm very glad you contacted your T. :)