The Dreaded "what's Wrong?" Question

[KatB]

I agree with both of you, timid_flower and Abstract.

Concentration issues have been pretty worse lately, not mentioning memory too. Things have gotten so much worse with the family. Memory seems to be at its worst; dissociation and just hard to remember important details of such traumas recently.

 

[timid_flower]

Thanks Abstract.

Setting boundaries is such a challenge for me. I know it's an issue I need to work on, but when I start setting them I always end up feeling guilty.

 

[KatB]

Thanks Abstract.

Setting boundaries is such a challenge for me. I know it's an issue I need to work on, but when I start setting them I always end up feeling guilty.

:geek::O_o: I know what you mean by that. Guilt is a very deceiving feeling. I think of Joyce Meyer when you say that. Guilt is just something that makes us feel like we are not worthy. Boundaries need to be respected but when they have been repeatedly stepped over, it's a task that seems and become daunting for all, if not, most of us. So yeah, I agree with you on this.

 

[timid_flower]

Things have gotten so much worse with the family. Memory seems to be at its worst; dissociation and just hard to remember important details of such traumas recently.

I'm sorry KatB, I know you've been having a very tough time lately. I hope things start to get better for you :hug:

 

[Abstract]

I am very lucky in that I have had a lot of therapy for that Timid Flower. It is darn hard and I needed my T to keep reassuring me all the time. It has taken me years and years and years to get to where I am now. The backlash of setting boundaries to start is intense. It was for me anyway.

Instinctively there was the fear that I was somehow putting myself in danger by doing so. Really really strong and powerful visceral feelings. And then shame and guilt as I realised with T that I was taught that I was not allowed boundaries as a child. I found it helpful to remind myself that I am re teaching myself new healthy ideas of what is really right and healthy. That those feelings come because if my past and it is going to be really hard changing that. That it is going to be painful and uncomfortable to change that and go against the internal sense of what is right and wrong handed to me by my parents. When we grow up with messages like that it becomes part of us.

I have a zero tolerance approach with myself now and never allow myself to leave things when I shouldn't. The backlash on my self hatred is too serious (it took a long to be able to identify that) and then it undermines the new habits I am am building. It does get easier with practise so hang in there! :)

 

[Bucky'sAngel]

I so understand that dreaded question. I am currently struggling (yet again) with habits that my husband has that drive me completely up the wall. I cannot honestly answer the question, because if I tell him what is REALLY bothering me (him), he gets all defensive and goes off to pout, and nothing ever changes. Oh crud - there goes my concentration and thought process, I know I had something else to say.

 

[Rumors]

I usually tell them I had horrible diarrhea and vomiting the night before. That usually gives me a good 25 foot perimeter the rest of the day! ;)

Sorry you had a bad day! Good luck and hang in there!

 

[Britt.f7]

My queston is, how do you respond in those situations? I've come accross people who consider vague answers as a sign of trouble and they must get to the bottom of it.

Depends on the person asking me. Some I know are being considerate and are concerned. Some I know try to appear that way, but are not. Usually, for those, I'll just answer that I am fine. Actually many people who asked me at work how I was got a resolute "swell". That tended to put the question off as I said it in a lighthearted way.

I hate when people ask what's wrong. Especially people I hardly know. Drives me insane.

I'm sure people have thought this of me from time to time. I tend to pick up on how people are feeling and internalize it. I realize this is not rational, but it is concerning. Sometimes I delve a little deeper. I'm sure it is annoying. It's just that if I don't clarify it it goes around and around in my head that I must have done something. Then I have to consider the worse of two evils...keeping quiet or committing a social faux pas and looking like I'm crazy. Never a win win situation for me.

"I'm not feeling great today, but I'll be all right. I'd rather not go into it. Thank you for asking, though."

I tend to say this minus the "I'd rather not go into it." That might get said though, if someone pursues their questioning.

 

[shadowchaser]

On days like today that would be a dangerous question to ask me.

"Hey what wrong"

"My imaginary friend thinks strangers should be locked in zoos"

But yeah I know where your coming from. It's not easy and not everyone knows when to back off. If I'm enough in my own head I'll just tell the people "I'm having one of those days. Don't feel like talking on it" Normally they take the hint.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I usually look them straight in the eye and say - I have PTSD. For some reason they back off, lol. I think they might be afraid of me, but I don't care. My sister-in-law would always tell people she had OCD because she felt that being open about mental illness would help mental health awareness. She has a professional job and it has never been a problem for her. Many of my coworkers knew anyway since I had a suicide attempt and was in the hospital where we worked for 3 days.