General The endless job search

[Celan]

I have been dating a PTSD sufferer for about two and a half years, on and off. Forums like this were extremely helpful for the "off" times, in learning about the push-pull cycle. He is a military vet but his PTSD is mostly due to a traumatic car accident.

He and we have been doing really well this past year, but there is an ongoing drag which is his inability to find a better job. He's in a crummy commission sales job which is basically predatory. He's worked so hard to find something better, but gets the door slammed in his face. He's got a good resume with what is there, so maybe employers look at the gaps in his employment history due to the accident and subsequent surgeries and therapy. He's been trying to go through disability placement websites this year and got some interviews, but nothing concrete has come of it which somehow makes it worse. Every time I hear he's got an interview, I just hold my breath and then we have to go through the same cycle of hope and disappointment. He says "I'm tired of being sad" which just breaks my heart.

The kicker is that his accident happened because he was driving home after a holiday dinner to work a shift the next day, and was hit by a drunk driver. After the accident his employer told him that his job would be waiting for him, then reneged. So it seems that much more unfair that no employer will give him a chance because of things totally out of his control. Like a cruel joke.

I know there's no magic trick, and that my support and belief in him does matter, but I feel really helpless and wish there was more I could do. This affects his self esteem and hope for the future. It affects my mood, too, and makes me wonder how we'll live if we eventually move in together. It just seems so unfair that a person can be handed this much to deal with and so much indignity.

Thanks for letting me share, hope someone has some advice or encouragement.

 

[LuckiLee]

Hi there. Sorry your guy isn't having any luck finding a job.

My veteran worked for the VA for about a year. They have a work therapy program that really helped when he needed it.

My guy is a plant manager now. They loved his resume and military experience.

Our local VA has job fairs they hold about every 3 or 4 months. Supervisor or management positions are great. We also just Googled Veteran owned businesses/factories. They love to hire veterans.

What does your guy want to do? If he doesn't have experience in that field maybe he could take a couple online courses.

Does he have friends or family that could give ideas or advice? Maybe they know someone hiring?

Good luck and I'll keep brainstorming!

 

[Celan]

Hi leehalf, thanks for your reply. He was an MP in the military and has a business degree, worked as a fraud investigator, so he'd like some kind of admin position in law enforcement or military. He went to a federal disability job fair in DC, which is where he got some interviews which so far haven't produced an offer. I'll have to look around to see if there's anything local with the VA.

 

[LuckiLee]

It sounds like he has alot of experience. Sometimes revamping your resume helps. Or have a couple different ones for different positions.

Also it helps to send a thank you note thanking them for their time and opportunity to speak with them. Probably not a guy thing but every position I've applied for and sent a ty card I got. It makes you stand out and shows your enthusiasm.

 

[anonymous]

Hi Celan,

Welcome to our boards!!!
Not sure if this is helpful. I am not even from the USA and in the country where I am from there currently is an economic boom but maybe it is a little bit of encouragement anyway. My Vet lost a good job in a leading position his superiors at work thought he was „unable to lead“/lacked the character, then he had a stint of working lousy jobs such as helper on a construction site, then he found a good job again and currently he is not working for the same company anymore but same kind of job and it looks as if he is soon going to be promoted, he is currently being „coached“ for that.

What did I learn?

A man like mine bases much of his selfworth on his job. It is important to show him „You mean the world to me and are worth the world to me, no matter what kind of job you work“.

If searching for a job, at least in my country it is good to ask everybody you know if they know somebody who knows of a job. At least in my country. It has been my experience not only with my Vet but also in my own job life and the experience of other people I know. Typically good jobs are not found by asking at the job office but by having a friend who knows about them.

My experience with my Vet working a demanding job is that is it also a mixed blessing. While he is proud of his job, he also puts a lot of effort into it which stresses him. My Vet (more than anybody else I know) worries for the welfare of those working for him and if somebody is not following his orders he always seeks fault in himself. There is a individual in his workplace who does not act like a team player at all and causing all kinds of problems and in the past this has been much of stress for my Vet because he thought it was his responsibility to „make him change“. My Vet, who is a team leader, always felt that he was unable to make those working under him, function as a team, actually he used to believe he would be fired in the near future, right until he was promoted.
Now that he is promoted, is he feeling any better?
Not sure... actually he shared with me he was feeling stressed and lousy and set up for failure. As a Vet he believes that he still does not „get“ civvy work culture. They often crack jokes he does not understand and feels a bit like an outsider. He is also saddened by the fact none of them wants to be friends with him outside the workplace.

So basically he works very hard and I sometimes do think he gets not much back in terms of emotion. Of course he gets money and I hope if he is promoted he will get a rise in his pay, but nobody seems interested in his friendship which makes him ask himself is there is something wrong with him.

You say your guy has a disability. What kind of disability is it. My guy is short of hearing. Typically this is not of disability that should make you tire easy, but for him it has this effect because he must pay very good attention 100 percent of the time. Sometimes he has to guess what a person is saying by putting clues together like what he heard and how the person moved his lips. He cannot really read lips.

My mother, who knows him well, told me she is not sure if is good he is going to be promoted or if it will put him under too much stress... and I a worried to. So maybe it would even be better for him if he worked a undemanding job.

 

[Celan]

Hello anonymous,
His legs were crushed in the accident. By some miracle he can walk, but has mobility problems and relies on painkillers to get through harder days. He also takes meds for anxiety and depression. Despite that he's very hardworking and has a lot more resilience than me. But the reason he is looking at government jobs is because I think they provide a bit more stability and better benefits than a lot of corporate positions. I am wondering if that kind of job just doesn't exist anymore, or practically not.

We'll keep knocking on doors. Thanks for sharing your story.

 

[anonymous]

I am happy to hear you are with such aa hardworking and resilient man. Please do tell him because he might need to hear it more than you think. Tell him he is your hero.

I am not sure about the job market in the USA. Sorry. I hope somebody on this board can answer that question.

 

[P. Corey]

Hello @Celan, I hope he's not only looking at government jobs. Nowadays there are companies that can be as good or better.

If he can do predatory sales, colections would be like shooting fish in a barrel. I've been a manager in collections for a long time and prefer to hire people with sales experience than collections experience. People that can do sales know how to develop rapport and overcome objections.

If he's been getting interviews, but no job offers, it could be that his interviewing skills could use some improvements. I see a lot of things that people should do, but don't and things they do but shouldn't. For instance: not waiving you're hands around too much while speaking, not making good, equal eye contact, bad-mouthing their prior boss or company, not selling themselves at the end of the interview(I'm amazed how many people respond to the question "Why should I hire you?" With telling me all the great things about my company. I alreday know those things. Tell me what's great about you).

I believe the number one quality a person can have is tenacity. And perhaps the best thing about tenacity is that you don't have to be born with it.

 

[anonymous]

I think what @P.Corey says about eye contact is really important. I am gonna be very blunt. I have noticed there are a lot of Vets which give you no real eye contact but stare right through you... which gives you the impression of „Is this guy really listening to what I say or is he mentally somewhere else?“. I may be very wrong but I think it might be a problem at job interviews.

There is some great books on job interviews. Unfortunately I do not know US ones. When my Vet was not hired after a job interview he phoned them and asked them what he could do better for the next job interview. That was also helpful for him.

 

[Snowflakes]

@Celan Is your vet service connected in any way? Is he a combat vet? There are other paths too. The reason I ask is he may be eligible for veterans preference for Federal jobs. Working for the government pays well and has great benefits. I have done this in my past. He can start here: Dead Link Removed

I wish your vet well