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The fourteen day challenge

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Blew it with shaming messages after I woke up from another nightmare. Then piled on about my comment yesterday about the condition of MIL's house and my "not so sincere" invitation to my mom to attend a charity supper this evening. I asked because the hostess asked me too, and felt guilty when she said yes because that wasn't really the answer I was hoping for. So... I need to set my jaw for an evening with my mother and a friend of hers I don't particularly care for... and hope for the best. But hey, it's for a good cause, right?
 
OK, after last Sunday, it has taken me a week to recover. Did have a bit of a "beat up Debbie" fest, but it is all sorted out. Knowing my daughter is safe, employed and even texted "I love you", helped a lot. So today I start at day 1, with a renewed hope that I can break the old record. (In more ways than one! :D)
 
I did well til I got on a scale, and found that my playing fast and loose with my dietary needs (eating on the fly, fast food and a lot of grains and protein... not much veggie) said "FAT!" and then I looked in the mirror... yup, there was another 5 pounds. That's 10 this month. So after beating myself up some I am starting Day 1 again tomorrow morning and have a date with the treadmill before I even get out of my pj's. :cautious: So even though I'm working more, and having less anxiety over all... my eating has been deplorable. I get pretty frustrated because I just can't seem to juggle all the balls and keep them in the air. My self talk is stuff my dad used to call my mom. :unsure:
 
Lost track of time, do not know what day this is. Had a rough day. Tommorow will be better, I get my granddaughter for 3 days. She is a source of joy. She brings alot of life with her. It is impossible to be negative withher around. Looking forward to tommorow. I will have to start over. I do not think I can do this.

But on reading all of the responses I don't feel alone. try, try aga. Big sigh
 
Oh dear, so much for a fresh start. I was triggered by firefighters in full emergency gear and beat myself up for being so stupid that it triggered me back to my accident.

Start again tomorrow.
 
This is one of the hardest things to do... I seem to be going along just fine and then I catch myself in the mirror and I say the nastiest things...

And as I sit here typing away I'm having an "aha" moment! I realize the reason for a lot of my negative self talk isn't because I hate myself, it's because of my dislike for my mother! You see, I look so much like her (especially this last 5 years or so) and when I catch a glimpse of myself I see her... Hmmmm... Maybe I need to look at this a different way...

Here's to a better "Day one." Hope everyone else has a good one as well!
 
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