The Glass Castle: A Memoir

[anthony]

It reminds me most of a dysfunctional adventure... especially from when I was also a child, we had a station wagon and caravan that we used to spend lots of holidays in, and well... as young kids we had adventures to say the least. I must say though, we did learn quickly from our mistakes, the older used to look after the younger for the most part (me being the youngest), and one quickly learns to work things out for themselves... even though I used to get into a shitload of trouble as a kid from the things I would do, or my older brothers and sisters would get me to do. Even funnier though when mum and dad knew what they were doing, so I would get rewarded and they would get punished. Ah... sibling rivalry memories!

 

[KP the nut]

I've finished it.

I wanted to cheer, shake the parents by the throat and cry all at the same time. The parents were so selfish and yet, they couldn't see that. They really believed they were doing their best, maybe is a strange way they were.

I need to think on this some more.

 

[anthony]

I just finished where Jeanette's dad left her to go up to the room over the pub with a much older man, when she was only a teenager, with the belief she could handle herself. What a moron! Saying that, I also found earlier about her mothers angle when Jeanette was watching TV with her dirty pervert of an Uncle, and he put his hand on his leg then began to masturbate... I believe her comments where something like "it is only sexual assault if you choose to see it that way, or you can use it to learn from to not make the same mistakes in your future." That has some validity in that particular case... where nothing actually happened, apart from a teenager having to be grossed out by her Uncle being a dirty pervert.

What I mean is, one can dwell on that and carry it with them the rest of their life, or one can simply chalk it up to nothing bad really happened, she raised the alarm and made it public what happened, and to never put herself alone with her Uncle again.

Overall though, there is just soooooo much neglect, ignorance, stupidity, by their parents. They obviously didn't fail in teaching them, considering the kids spent little time at school for many years yet where smarter than most attending, if not the smartest. Both parents where like intelligent tragedies in their own rights. Smart in knowledge that they passed to their kids, yet completely stupid in life and raising children with atleast some fundamental basics.

When the rusty nail incident happened, that was stupidity to not have a tetanus shot based on statistics for series illness. Instead, the mothers harden up attitude prevailed and to help build an immune system. Whilst that has merit in many aspect... there are some it is outright dangerous IMO, this being one even back in that day.

I must say though that I am thoroughly enjoying the book. The kids certainly haven't had a boring life, that is for certain.

I am looking forward to finishing the last pages and seeing where things ended based on where the book began.

Tragedy, humanity, neglect, bonding, adventure and lots more. I think as Jeanette has grown her attitude has changed from her earlier years where her father was the shining light in her eyes. When she had to manage the money suddenly and her father played on her emotions, she got a rude awakening to what her mother had been dealing with in regards to manage a drunken husband and father.

 

[ericaboo]

one can dwell on that and carry it with them the rest of their life, or one can simply chalk it up to nothing bad really happened, she raised the alarm and made it public what happened, and to never put herself alone with her Uncle again.

I am intrigued (not in a bad way) by your take on this story Anthony. This book came close to home for me at many parts, and my anger at the truly abusive things that happened isn't really differentiated from the "near misses." My instinct is to look at it like, the neglect was neglect whether something traumatic actually happened or not.

Your view gives a more positive outlook, and the fact that with parenting and childhood, there is always going to be elements of risk. A childhood devoid of risk certainly has it's problems too. It's a complex relationship. Never having been a parent, I don't always understand.

 

[anthony]

That is the problem with PTSD Erica, in that it turns near misses and lesser events and magnifies them along side of the actually really traumatic / horrific events. Whilst trauma is trauma, how you view it on a scale is easier to ascertain whether an individual is placing too much emphasis on something minor when compared alongside of major traumatic events.

This goes hand in hand with the resilience of the childhood brain. This story even shows that really well, as Jeanette grows her attitude and perception changes as her brain matures to more worldly understanding of her families dynamics as she can now compare them more individually against the majority of other families she comes in contact with.

It's like the adage with trauma, which is still true to this very day; if a person doesn't know any different, then it actually isn't traumatic. It is when the person comes to realise that what they've experienced is not as the majority experience / there are better alternatives to life out there, then their brain ticks away. This is where the parents actually have imparted IMHO a great wisdom onto the children to help them, being they still didn't discriminate those who's values, lifestyle or ideas where different than what they lived. The mother ensured you let the children grow and become who they wanted to be, not try and force their choice and lifestyle upon the kids... that would have ended as traumatic for the children as they turned towards adulthood IMO.

This keeps coming back to childhood trauma in essence, being it is rarely the trauma that affects the person in adulthood, because during childhood the child could still reason with it. What they could never reason with, which passes into adulthood as a majority, is that the parents / primary adult carers either did the act or allowed the act to happen (typically sexual / severe physical abuse). In this case, both parents are still loving to their children, albeit dysfunctional love, though the dynamics still allowed the love to be there. Concern? Not really... but it seems the love was there and even more importantly, the children's upbringing was filled with both love and trust from the parents. That is what truly differs a child into adulthood as to who they become.

 

[ericaboo]

I feel that this story is going to take awhile to sink in - I may decide to read it over again... there is a depth to it and to what you have said.

I'm effected on a deep level that confuses me, but I'm extremely glad to have read it.

 

[anthony]

This book reminds me of the expression, "You can see a glass as half full or half empty," in which IMO Jeanette has written it based on viewing her life as half full, making the best out of the situation within.

 

[anthony]

Ok, just finished reading the last few chapters. I was wondering whether Rex would live or not, with all the smoking and drinking. Seems not. I was actually quite surprised with the outcome... Jeanette divorced her first wife, though I guess that came to the desire of wanting to live a life opposite of which she had regrets about due to her fathers alcoholic ways which forced them into such hardships constantly.

I was actually still quite shocked that her mother had land that was worth so much money, and instead of selling that land to atleast put food on the table, if nothing else, she refused to and held onto as a family item to be passed through the generations. That just sounds ridiculous logic to me when your family is starving. Each to their own I guess... still doesn't change my view of logic and reason though.

It was nice to read that she found a more perfect match with John, living a lifestyle she felt more comfortable living and in essence hasn't let money change her. A real pleasure of a book to read. I don't believe it was as good as Mao's Last Dance, though still a good non-fiction nonetheless.

Certainly different from something I would have picked up and read at my own doing.

 

[KP the nut]

I was actually still quite shocked that her mother had land that was worth so much money, and instead of selling that land to atleast put food on the table, if nothing else, she refused to and held onto as a family item to be passed through the generations. That just sounds ridiculous logic to me when your family is starving. Each to their own I guess... still doesn't change my view of logic and reason though.

I wonder if the reason she kept it such a secret was to stop Ken, drinking, gambling and just frittering the money away. Money never lasted long and if Ken knew it was available it would have been squandered. He just couldn't stop himself, even stooping to stealing the New York escape money.

I think I preferred this to Maos Last Dancer although it is a close call. It may be because I can see parts of my childhood in the story. Especially having a father who drank and gambled (not to Kens extent) and I can remember waiting outside the pub for him to come home.

 

[anthony]

I could have guessed he was going to rob that piggy bank as soon as it got mentioned. No surprises when I read it... more just a surprise when it was going to happen. :coffee:

 

[BloomInWinter]

I had read this book before I was diagnosed and it was one of the tipping points that broke my memories through. I liked the book but I don't know if I could read it again.

 

[Shellbell]

Sounds to me like this book was all about abuse. Yes you can say that because sometimes they appeared loving meant it was okay. But it's not, it's serious neglect, emotional and mental abuse and sexual abuse thrown in. If that was all present, then the parents were not fit to have their children. It's not an adventure, it's abuse. No child deserves to be raised that way.

Maybe the author is in some denial about the extent of that abuse. Maybe she choses to not let it 'affect her' too much because really that will hurt too much. Child abuse victims can go decades before the abuse finally catches up with them. Many childhood abuse victims chose to live their lives 'half full' for along time, but it doesn't mean they have necessarily dealt with it.