desiderata310
VIP Member
With Mother's Day upon us not all of us have something wonderful to remember about our moms. Ask me for a special moment and I'm hard pressed to tell one. Ask me about my children and I will extol their virtues for days. Ask me for a tender moment which made me proud to be a mom and I will struggle because I feel like a huge failure as a parent.
That said there were moments which I found that my kids have kept and loved despite my shortcomings. Mostly humbling expereinces for me in my vain attempts at perfect single motherhood and even when trying to blend a family like some kind of crazy shake.
With all the many bad memories floating around the forum I was hoping to try and infuse a few good ones. I get it, they are hard to come by and far and few between for some of us.
My kids LOVE to tell this story.
When I was freshly divorced from their dad I felt like a complete failure. I felt I needed to make up for the loss in their lives of suddenly not having a dad and found myself trying to fill both roles.
I was failing miserably.
One thing that I was determined to have was children who were polite. I drilled into them the southern charms of yes, ma'am/no ma'am and yes sir/no sir. I taught them that the only right way to apologise was to say "I am sorry that I did.... Will you please forgive me?" I taught the boys to open doors for ladies. I taught my daughter not to wear white after Labor Day. How to answer the phone politely. How to curtsey and shake hands with a man.
And lots of other odd and somewhat useless things.
Things that I felt were important that they carry through their lives with them.
That also meant that we were going to eat as a family! Because children who eat together as a family 'grow up to feel more secure'.. blah blah blah.... I was determined that we were going to sit at the table every night and that my kids were going to have LOVELY manner and know how to place their napkins in their laps, and chew with their mouths closed .. yadda ydda yadda..
Long and short? Life had spun out of control and I needed to control something. This was something I could control.. or at least I thought I could.
heh...
It was something I thought I NEEDED to control. So I harped and fussed and one evening I became very angry and yelled at my son who had been giggling and snorting and telling a story from school all the while shoveling mashed potatoes into his mouth. Instead of enjoying the moment of my elementary school child's day I got upset. I lost sight of him and needed that day for some reason to have control.
I remember yelling at him"STOP EATING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL OF FOOD"
To which my kids started to giggle. I became furious and red faced and repeated myself.
They began to howl!
FINALLY, my oldest, seeing that I was not hearing what I was saying took pity and said "mom, you want us to stop EATING with our mouths full??"
It took me a minute.
I finally stopped and laughed. and relaxed a bit.
They STILL tell this story a decade later- usually if I am in the midst of a panic stricken moment of try to control the uncontrollable.
It's hard being a single mom. And I got it wrong- a lot. And I'm glad they tried to show me the humor of it all. I learned a lot of humility that night. And I learned that even if I really f*cked up with my kids they still love me. And I often need reminding of that
ok.. I've ponied up Someone else out there has good memories of parenting either their own parents, their own parenting or even someone who acted like a parent. That gets you good every time you think about it.
its almost mom's day and soon after dad's day in the states. so share.
That said there were moments which I found that my kids have kept and loved despite my shortcomings. Mostly humbling expereinces for me in my vain attempts at perfect single motherhood and even when trying to blend a family like some kind of crazy shake.
With all the many bad memories floating around the forum I was hoping to try and infuse a few good ones. I get it, they are hard to come by and far and few between for some of us.
My kids LOVE to tell this story.
When I was freshly divorced from their dad I felt like a complete failure. I felt I needed to make up for the loss in their lives of suddenly not having a dad and found myself trying to fill both roles.
I was failing miserably.
One thing that I was determined to have was children who were polite. I drilled into them the southern charms of yes, ma'am/no ma'am and yes sir/no sir. I taught them that the only right way to apologise was to say "I am sorry that I did.... Will you please forgive me?" I taught the boys to open doors for ladies. I taught my daughter not to wear white after Labor Day. How to answer the phone politely. How to curtsey and shake hands with a man.
And lots of other odd and somewhat useless things.
Things that I felt were important that they carry through their lives with them.
That also meant that we were going to eat as a family! Because children who eat together as a family 'grow up to feel more secure'.. blah blah blah.... I was determined that we were going to sit at the table every night and that my kids were going to have LOVELY manner and know how to place their napkins in their laps, and chew with their mouths closed .. yadda ydda yadda..
Long and short? Life had spun out of control and I needed to control something. This was something I could control.. or at least I thought I could.
heh...
It was something I thought I NEEDED to control. So I harped and fussed and one evening I became very angry and yelled at my son who had been giggling and snorting and telling a story from school all the while shoveling mashed potatoes into his mouth. Instead of enjoying the moment of my elementary school child's day I got upset. I lost sight of him and needed that day for some reason to have control.
I remember yelling at him"STOP EATING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL OF FOOD"
To which my kids started to giggle. I became furious and red faced and repeated myself.
They began to howl!
FINALLY, my oldest, seeing that I was not hearing what I was saying took pity and said "mom, you want us to stop EATING with our mouths full??"
It took me a minute.
I finally stopped and laughed. and relaxed a bit.
They STILL tell this story a decade later- usually if I am in the midst of a panic stricken moment of try to control the uncontrollable.
It's hard being a single mom. And I got it wrong- a lot. And I'm glad they tried to show me the humor of it all. I learned a lot of humility that night. And I learned that even if I really f*cked up with my kids they still love me. And I often need reminding of that
ok.. I've ponied up Someone else out there has good memories of parenting either their own parents, their own parenting or even someone who acted like a parent. That gets you good every time you think about it.
its almost mom's day and soon after dad's day in the states. so share.
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