The Good Time Dom

[Stickler]

After my ex-wife and ex-fiancé, I won't ever be able to let anyone in that far.
So I'm the good-time Dom.
I show up.
I provide a good time and some kinky sex.
I go home alone.
I will always go home alone.
That hurts, but I can't see it any other way.
I feel claustrophobic at the idea of a lover living here.

I have my freedom and my safety.

 

[Thizette]

I feel claustrophobic at the idea of a lover living here.

I definitely understand that feelings. I'm not sure I could live with my partner (whom I love dearly), if we didn't have extra bedrooms that I could escape to. Sometimes I need to be in a space that is mine and not ours. I think if this relationship ended, I would not want to live with anyone again. Just my dogs and cat. Sometimes I fantasize about living alone!

 

[Friday]

I'm in Always & Never land right now, too.

Something I'm trying to remind myself of is that if what I'm doing right now is working but the idea of it always being like this makes me sad? Or never being something else just f*cking hurts? Then maybe I need to not decide now = forever, against all evidence to the contrary. Enjoy the now, or get through the now, but try and remember that now =/= forever. No matter how much it feels like it. Even if I want it to be. If I don't want it to be? Well then, that's even more motivation for change. Later.

Doesn't feel true. But I know it's true. Everything is temporary. Good. Bad. And all the stuff in between.

You have your freedom & safety doing what you're doing right now. That's a good thing. Later? You might just figure out how to have your freedom & safety & not go home alone. But that bridge can be burned when you get there. Now isn't forever. You don't have to do everything all at once.