The Holidays -

[Bucky'sAngel]

Forgive me if this is in the wrong place, I am still learning about this forum.

It's not news to anyone that the holidays are stressful for everyone, but how about those of us who have had traumas around the holidays?

Three years ago, a huge misunderstanding occurred between my grown son and I simply cannot shake it. I foolishly posted something on social media which was completely misunderstood. It really wasn't inflammatory, but my son completely exploded and called me on the phone, screaming, calling me names, and badgering me about what I had said. That was followed by a phone call from my grown daughter who continued the tirade. What followed was several days of angry phone calls.

Although time has healed some of it, for some reason I am having flashbacks again. I take that back, I think I know why I may be triggered. Thanksgiving is being held at my son's home tomorrow, and my husband and I are more than welcome (my son's words), but it seems that I am always the last to know what exactly the plans are, and I have to chase him down to get the details. He is the perfect, gracious host to everyone and considerate to even those relatives that he doesn't care for. I simply feel like I am the afterthought, and don't get at least a little bit of respect from him.

I don't dare say anything to him for fear of getting exploded upon again.

Thank you for listening, and any suggestions are welcome.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I think you should go, and be just as gracious. You cannot heal a wound without communication, and this can be the start. I wouldn't bring it up on the holiday, but I might try to speak to him after

Thanksgiving, and let him know what you said here. Pick a time when you are not feeling so vulnerable and can be as present as possible. I know its hard, I have had a conversation with my mother like this. That is why I have changed what I do on the holidays.

 

[Bucky'sAngel]

Thanks. I will be going to Thanksgiving dinner, but after I have spent my volunteer time rocking babies in the NICU. It is a commitment that I have made to be a volunteer, and my son understands that. I am hoping that my time with the 'tiny ones' will calm my soul enough to handle the rest of the day.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, I can relate to getting attacked over a misunderstanding. I can relate to that. It is so hard when these things happen. I hope that you will get to have a conversation with your son at some time to try to resolve it between you both.

I understand that this is very painful for you. Life is too short. We need each other. I hope this makes sense and makes you feel better. I went through similar things and I know how much they can hurt. I hope you have a pleasant day tommorow. Big hugs.

 

[DharmaGirl]

What a wonderful volunteer job! You are making a huge difference for those babies!

 

[Sues]

I'm so glad you are going to your son's for Thanksgiving. It's hard to face the fear of losing someone we love, especially over a misunderstanding. I hope that you can one day talk it through with your son and mend your relationship for good. I wish you a good and happy day tomorrow.