It's the emptiness, that, you try to hide.
It's the sadness, hidden, in other's eyes.
It's the fear and running a million miles,
to get away,
from yourself, when you lie.
It's the void and avoidance and grasping and meaningless noise that people make, covering their spinelessness.
I cannot reach you when you fear me,
when you see your own projections.
You reject me and project your sick fantasies upon me.
It's me though, my life, my story.
It cannot be not part of me,
my inadequacies,
my fallacies,
my fears
and my vulnerabilities, isn't it? That's what did it.
Perhaps, my hurt and your hurt are not so different.
You despise my brokenness, my weakness, my strength and my witnessing.
Or do you? Really, you are a mystery, to me.
But you hurt me, so badly.
I could have died, so many times, I cried too many times. I was a child. To myself, I could not align; for you maligned me, confined me, moulded me and scolded me, denied me humanity. You enslaved me and reduced me to a nothing, a nobody, a not-person.
In your eyes,I saw the void, the empty, deep wells of darkness, that terrorized me, destroyed me, left me cold, so cold, so cold and numb, just hanging on by a thread, shattered, shaking constantly, beside myself.
Not one shred of care was ever there, only a prop was I, a trophy, a shill, a convenience, a toy, a thing to be amused by and used up and then discarded.
I decided not to die, I hadn't even had a chance to live!
I survived.
I wanted to know what it is to thrive, to dive deep into life's prime and dine on the nourishment and encouragement and enrichment other's showed me.
I've worked hard to touch the sky and feel the earth beneath my feet, refuse defeat, complete, what I'm here to do.
My life is a middle finger to your desires.
You couldn't bury me.
Mumma groomed me to be a slave, demoralized, but still I refuse to lie down and submit to lies.
I am saved and praise resilience and redemption, while you slowly die of your lies and deception.
I'm not happy about it, but I'm free now and I see now ...It's the emptiness that you try to hide, it's the fear and running a million miles, to get away from yourself, when you lie. With each lie, you die a little more.
I want to live and give the world my truth!
So forgive me when I continue to survive and deny you the satisfaction of my destruction!
You hateful man! You inhumane, empty ruthless excuse for a Dad. You criminal that hides behind children! Who destroys lives and sanity and fakes sanity, to malign by design!
I live to give our children a chance. While you leech and preach false doctrine and suck the soul out of all you can. Drugging and pretending you care and are there for the sick and young and desperate and niave. Lying while people die, believing your claims.
I found what it is to be sane, I cannot say the same for you, predatory wild man.
