I have been feeling really down the last few days. For the first time since my daughter was about six weeks old,
I am away at work all day long. It triggers anxiety and panic attacks. To make matters more complicated I work
in a high stress environment. I want to tell all the people I know what I am going through, what I've been going through. I just cannot face all the questions and comments that are inevitable to follow with making such an statement. I told my dad, my own father and his first words were "I hope it wasn't anything I did when you were growing up." I didn't have the guts to say he was a contributing factor. I basically raised my kid brothers from the age of 8 until 13. Once in desperation, I called the police. Not in a I'm scared for my life or my brothers life way, more of my mother and father were drunk and considering driving a distance to get more alcohol, and I had just weeks prior learned of the consequences of drinking and driving thanks to D.A.R.E. I called the police to save them from themselves and I was punished. Grounded for the entire summer, to my room and the backyard.
I will post the entire FB post I put up twenty or so minutes ago.
"I quite often wonder if those who knew me, especially on FB, could possibly understand what I am going through right now. Needless to say the inevitable question I would get is "I didn't have anything to do with it; did I?" The poignant answer is always no. I have no one to blame, no one other than myself at this point. And I understand that at this point that is not fair to some extent.
And yet there still is the darkness. I will one day announce on here what has plagued me for so long. For now, however, I will simply live the waking nightmare in it anonymity to all of those who I haven’t already told. When I break my silence, when I finally step out of the darkness and tell everyone else what only a few, and I mean a select few know, everything should make sense, from my past until this post.
As for right now, I am about to begin a new chapter in my life, we close escrow in 18 days. I landed an incredible opportunity with a company that could turn me into a career man in my selected field of study. I have the family I definitely never thought possible. I am fortunate enough to have a few very close friends. Trey and Jeanie you know you two mean the world to us. We cannot wait to see Abram!!! Professor Lorenza, thank you for sharing with the world. I promise that when it is my time to step into the light I will definitely credit you with words of encouragement for taking the steps I have already begun taking, I am just not ready to make that announcement, yet...
Goodnight everyone."
I am away at work all day long. It triggers anxiety and panic attacks. To make matters more complicated I work
in a high stress environment. I want to tell all the people I know what I am going through, what I've been going through. I just cannot face all the questions and comments that are inevitable to follow with making such an statement. I told my dad, my own father and his first words were "I hope it wasn't anything I did when you were growing up." I didn't have the guts to say he was a contributing factor. I basically raised my kid brothers from the age of 8 until 13. Once in desperation, I called the police. Not in a I'm scared for my life or my brothers life way, more of my mother and father were drunk and considering driving a distance to get more alcohol, and I had just weeks prior learned of the consequences of drinking and driving thanks to D.A.R.E. I called the police to save them from themselves and I was punished. Grounded for the entire summer, to my room and the backyard.
I will post the entire FB post I put up twenty or so minutes ago.
"I quite often wonder if those who knew me, especially on FB, could possibly understand what I am going through right now. Needless to say the inevitable question I would get is "I didn't have anything to do with it; did I?" The poignant answer is always no. I have no one to blame, no one other than myself at this point. And I understand that at this point that is not fair to some extent.
And yet there still is the darkness. I will one day announce on here what has plagued me for so long. For now, however, I will simply live the waking nightmare in it anonymity to all of those who I haven’t already told. When I break my silence, when I finally step out of the darkness and tell everyone else what only a few, and I mean a select few know, everything should make sense, from my past until this post.
As for right now, I am about to begin a new chapter in my life, we close escrow in 18 days. I landed an incredible opportunity with a company that could turn me into a career man in my selected field of study. I have the family I definitely never thought possible. I am fortunate enough to have a few very close friends. Trey and Jeanie you know you two mean the world to us. We cannot wait to see Abram!!! Professor Lorenza, thank you for sharing with the world. I promise that when it is my time to step into the light I will definitely credit you with words of encouragement for taking the steps I have already begun taking, I am just not ready to make that announcement, yet...
Goodnight everyone."
