The Man Next Door

[SeaQuel]

The man next door is dying. A few weeks ago I happened to be walking by when his daughter was calling 911. I couldn't just keep walking; I asked if she needed help. Her elderly father was having heart failure and was panicking and couldn't breathe. I breathed alongside him... inhale, exhale... rinse and repeat. No idea who it helped more - me or him. I felt his kind, gentle soul. His wife was trying to collect his meds and other things for the hospital, while his daughter stayed on the line with 911. The paramedics arrived and off he went.

I've been thinking about him ever since and wondered how things turned out. Ran into his daughter recently, who informed he was not doing well and was at home now under palliative care. She told me to stop by any time.

Other than that one occasion, I had never before talked or visited with them. They are perfect strangers. Except they are not now. So what do I do? I'm not exactly this beacon of light right now. I want to show up for him, for them, but what can I offer?

I don't know what to do in these sorts of situations. I usually end up doing nothing.

Any advise appreciated.

 

[scout86]

That was a good thing you did!

People who are dying are still people. They appreciate company, if they aren't too tired. Sometimes their caregivers appreciate company too, and sometimes the appreciate a break. YOU may not think you're a beacon of light, but I'm not sure that's true. I'd say both "be yourself" and "show up". Talk, read, ask what would help, bake brownies?????? Follow what ever inspired you to not walk by when you saw there was a problem. The world needs more neighbors like you!

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Really any small chore that means one less thing for the family to do. In the UK there is a tradition in some churches to help families with newborns by taking over a hot meal for the parents. This alleviates the burden on the father and mother in not having to worry about what to cook for elder siblings. And as an ex medic myself having performed CPR many times I salute you for stepping in as you did, certainly worth a :hug: and much more in my book.

Laurie

 

[The Albatross]

You can drop of a meal, offer yard care, or give a card... just for a few. There are all manner of little kind deeds that you can choose to show compassion in your own special way.

 

[SeaQuel]

I know the normal things people are expected to do in such situations, but I can't even do those things for myself right now. I find this to be an added stress and I hate saying that, but it's the truth. I have love for them, but I can't offer any. But I want to. But I can't.

 

[seedling]

I felt his kind, gentle soul.

This is what you did for him, and why you would be welcome to just show up. He was probably aware of you in the same manner.

There's a bond that is formed in situations like that. It means a lot. It's awkwardly handled in modern society.

You don't have to "do" anything if you go. You have been a participant in his final days, he would probably be happy to see someone who shared those desperate moments with him.

 

[sun seeker]

Ask them (mother and daughter) if they want a hug? If you're okay with them yourself I mean. That might help more than you imagine.

 

[SeaQuel]

This is what you did for him, and why you would be welcome to just show up. He was probably aware of you in the same manner.

There's a bond that is formed in situations like that. It means a lot. It's awkwardly handled in modern society..

Thank you for saying that. I did feel a bond. And I want him to know that I "saw" him. Not the man who was struggling for air, fighting for life. Just him. I will show up and hope it's enough.

 

[scout86]

I did feel a bond. And I want him to know that I "saw" him.

And you might even just send a card, saying that, and that he and his family are in your thoughts (and prayers, if that's something you do.) What you said there is something that I think everyone wants to hear.

 

[Seasounds]

You did such a kind, and brave act! He probably felt that you "saw him". À card is a great idea.

And, you are a good person if you don't feel like doing anything more. Do what you want to do and what you have energy to do. Literally (research validated), know that sending your neighbor good thoughts will make a difference. Thank you for sharing!

 

[SeaQuel]

I feel really uncomfortable with all of the praise I've received in this thread. I know everyone is well-intentioned, and I hope those of you who have taken the time to respond don't take this the wrong way. It's just that I feel I did what any human would do in such a situation. I didn't write the thread to bring attention onto myself for helping this man and his family. I did nothing extraordinary and may have even made things worse.

I hope I can get myself to show up and be with him, before it's too late. I don't even know his name.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

It's just that I feel I did what any human would do in such a situation.

I did nothing extraordinary and may have even made things worse.

I said it earlier in the thread and I simply re-iterate that praise now. I am an Ex Forces Trauma Medic and I have seen grown men turn from the face of adversity such as helping a dying man. I am trained to intervene, none of my soldier comrades were, they were trained to fight and or KILL. There would have been no shame at all in turning away and walking away as it is not an everyday occurence to be needed in any small way to step in like you did. You have every right to hold your head up proud and please, the praise that you are getting is VERY well deserved IMHO.