Do you ever miss the person you were before your trauma? I know that sounds weird, but that's where I'm at these days. I've had a lot of days where I want pre-trauma me, or I compare post-trauma me, to pre-trauma-me. I try not do be hard on myself as post-trauma-me is a different person. I want that "old me" back, sooooooo freakin' bad, but days like this make it seem utterly impossible. I guess the "old me" pretty much died the day of my trauma, and the "new" me is someone I have to learn to live with, accept, and love?
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The "old" You
- Post starter Arctic
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Arctic,
I'm going through that right now as my 20 year marriage to a sufferer is pretty much on the rocks . You can read my other posts to get more details...too long here.
I am burned out and see how much I have changed from the person that he met. I was naive and vulnerable to his manipulation. I was a person who trusted everyone and now have seen myself become a total opposite. I spent years trying to fix him and realized he has to fix himself.
I really don't want the total "old me". I just want the keep the best of me and I have realized I could be in danger of that if I don't see any change in his desire to work on himself.
Try to think about those "best of you" parts and write them down. I'm sure there are some that are still there.
I'm going through that right now as my 20 year marriage to a sufferer is pretty much on the rocks . You can read my other posts to get more details...too long here.
I am burned out and see how much I have changed from the person that he met. I was naive and vulnerable to his manipulation. I was a person who trusted everyone and now have seen myself become a total opposite. I spent years trying to fix him and realized he has to fix himself.
I really don't want the total "old me". I just want the keep the best of me and I have realized I could be in danger of that if I don't see any change in his desire to work on himself.
Try to think about those "best of you" parts and write them down. I'm sure there are some that are still there.
redheaded moppet
New Here
Yes, I've had times like that and want the old me back - the one who had her trust in her work colleagues, who wasn't/isn't afraid of the idea of going back into a classroom again... the one who didn't feel sometimes like she's putting "humpty dumpty" back together still, and isn't quite sure of all the "new me" facets that will emerge yet as healing continues. I've written about this in my journals too - glad to know it's not just me feeling this way!
I want the old me, too. I figure if I am able to live and function with this that would be the new me. The me I am now can't deal very well. Hopefully the new me can. People have mentioned that people with this disorder are strong and I think it's true. Some people die from it. In order to live with it you'll develop some new qualities I guess.
In the meantime I hope that some of the old stuff comes back because I did like myself. Obviously everything won't be the same, but still...
In the meantime I hope that some of the old stuff comes back because I did like myself. Obviously everything won't be the same, but still...
AngelKeeperJ
Sponsor
Yes, I miss the 'old' me somewhat, but I think I have come into a 'better' me. It took a long time, and I spent quite a few years in limbo before I realized there was a 'me' under all that pain and sorrow! I have to say, that NOW I am 'real'. Before, I had 'the mask' I'd put on everyday to deal with life. But, it was fake smiling, fake calm, and being real is important to me now.
For now....don't give up and put one foot in front of the other...and be kind to yourself.
Blessings & Peace sent to you!
sillybearmama
New Here
I'm not sure that I can completely relate to what you're saying because my trauma started when I was very young. However I like to think about things this way, all the things that happen to us shape us in some way. The good, the bad, and the unthinkable. Without these things we wouldn't be the people we are, or are becoming. In my case I didn't appreciate the fact that trying to hide behind being "perfect" was only making things worse. Now that I'm starting to accept who I truly am and truly deal with the things that have been done to me I am able to start discovering who I am because of an in spite of the terrible trauma I have suffered.
I agree with Heidi that people with PTSD are strong, I am in a trauma therapy group and my therapist says what a miracle it is that we aren't all raving drug addicts or serial killers and the like. We have all had or continue to have our struggles but our strength allows us to work toward the better things in life.
Although you may not like the you that you are today I think that if you keep working on it you will find that you will come to love the "new" you and that the trauma you have suffered has contributed to shaping the profound person that you are becoming.
I agree with Heidi that people with PTSD are strong, I am in a trauma therapy group and my therapist says what a miracle it is that we aren't all raving drug addicts or serial killers and the like. We have all had or continue to have our struggles but our strength allows us to work toward the better things in life.
Although you may not like the you that you are today I think that if you keep working on it you will find that you will come to love the "new" you and that the trauma you have suffered has contributed to shaping the profound person that you are becoming.
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