The Pain Of Positive Attention?

[aut555]

My difficulty with positive attention is mostly two fold A, I will let whoever complimented me down, B, th...

Great that you were able to regonize this as a something new to analyze.

 

[aut555]

I can totally relate. I think it comes from a place of self loathing but also from the fact that my pare...

You stated this so directly and explained the twisted horrible relationship with these compliments and people like us. Thank you.

 

[Tinyflame]

Maybe @Ronin that is a question of confidence? Steady presence means more than results. :hug:

 

[Hanala]

You stated this so directly and explained the twisted horrible relationship with these compliments and p...

It actually wasn't until having a conversation with a really great friend and then reading this thread that it finally clicked. It's so irritating when you realize that the abuse is over and the trauma has ended but you have so much underlying programming that you can't even enjoy nice things because you are conditioned to fear them. May we all find the clarity and ability to reprogram

 

[amosmorris]

It actually wasn't until having a conversation with a really great friend and then reading this thread t...

It's true, @Hanala ...I find I have a lot of sadness over my awareness of these issues. I'm not delusional, or incapable of understanding intellectually what is happening with me, but undoing the conditioned responses is hard and slow work. I do mourn these challenges in myself when I realize how I get stuck in them--they hurt no matter my ability to see. I'm glad though for the awareness and hope you are too--that's where we need to root our faith in growth. Here's to moving through it (however long that might take...I've only been really working on this stuff for about a year, which my T tells me is no time at all...)

 

[F_uckYourselves]

I'm so glad this thread exists.

I have this issue, too. Usually when people compliment me I either wonder what they're trying to get from me, or I think they must not be terribly bright. Because a smarter person would recognize what a fraud I am, right? I also feel resentful, because now the burden is on me to continue living up to their expectations, and if I fail then they'll realize what a mistake they made and reject me.

On really bad days when my sense of self-worth is as low as it can possibly get, I'll actually think less of the person who gave me the compliment.

 

[amosmorris]

I'm so glad this thread exists.

I have this issue, too. Usually when people compliment me I either wonder...

Oh yes @551 , for sure re thinking less of the person who is giving the compliment...as in "you've been tricked"....and maybe I kind of then lose some respect. An ugly and disappointing cycle. I'm working on it--it's really hard stuff though--and I hope you're patient with yourself.

 

[moomin]

I relate hugely to this thread.