Lola Nocheprieta
Diamond Member
as for the avatar, i depicted what my body feels like; a self portrait of what *i* think I should look like. *** we are all the sum of our pixels
** cough NOT LAME cough **
It's true! Whether DID or not, I think we all have "parts," facets, and hidden pieces, all disintegrating and recombining, kind of floating around in a scary but fascinating soup.
Or maybe that's just me. :cautious:
I need to recombobulate more. :confused:
It seems like your name and avatar resonates with a lot of us. I can relate to feeling disintegrated, shattered, and broken into a million different pieces. I feel like a clay vessel that was smashed into little shards. I carry those shards around with me in small, dusty boxes. The boxes have labels, which I might choose to show people. "This is part of me." But rarely do I open the boxes in front of anyone, or actually show other people those shards. At least, I try not to let anyone see when my mind decides to open those boxes, especially at work ... Goddamn Pandora's boxes. Just think what would happen if anyone else saw my shards, or saw me trying to fit them back together!
For the last 8-10 months or so, since I started having visceral FBs and nightmares again, "new" memories, and
"old" memories that have taken on new meaning, filling my head ... I think of it like being inside a snow globe. And the globe is filled with puzzle pieces. You shake that shit up and sometimes the pieces fit together and sometimes it's just a swirling mass of disturbing images, sensations, snatches of decades-old shouts and whispered commands .... It's scary and it sucks. But that's where I'm at right now.
I think I like your pixel metaphor. At least with pixels, if you get some distance and perspective, an image starts to form. And just because some of the pixels are blurry, or missing, the image is still pretty sharp (again, with enough distance.) With my swirling snowglobe of missing puzzle pieces and boxes of sharp shards like artifacts in a museum, I'm just a f*cked up hot mess right now.
Yup, I'm deep. :bookworm:
@Lola Nocheprieta what are you holding between your fingers? your pic fascinates me ....
I'm not actually holding anything in my hands irl ... It's all collage & assemblage on top of a photograph. What i appear to be holding is actually an old pill box of my step-grandmother, (thank God I didn't grow up around her.) The box is divided into a top and bottom. On the bottom there is a Frozen Charlotte, a tiny, antique porcelain doll/figurine, that's missing it's lower legs. In the top part are 2 very sharp pieces of broken pottery bound in fabric, and an anatomically accurate tiny plastic heart. In the lid is a piece of old book page with the words "Broken & Whole."
Deep, you said? 20,000 leagues!
I sometimes show my art journal pages to my T, and I actually brought in this finished piece (11x14 wooden substrate + frame.) You can imagine, my T had a field day ...
I'll post some close ups in the Media forum. But enough about me ... What do YOU think of me? ;)