The Right Time ......

[Deleted member 34535]

For me, this question is not in my hands. It is in my God's. If I am fortunate enough to wake up in the morning, then I am going to give that day my all. I take everything one minute, one hour, one day at a time. I have wondered what it might be like to not hurt, but I have never really contemplated suicide in any serious way. My brother took his life 4 and 1/2 years ago. I figured out why.....child abuse for both of us.....he took his life. I promised and I promise him today that I am going to give 100% to live for the two of us. I believe life is precious. The very short time on this earth is but a pin point in time compared to the afterlife I will live. Personally, I owe it to my brother to beat this thing and live for the two of us. I hope you will too. One ting for sure, people on here care about you. Don't forget that please.

 

[void]

I don't believe people want me here either. I don't even think I deserve to be here...or that people...

that's what your Abuser(s) taught you
and now that recording plays over and over and over in your mind.......so much so that you think it is YOU saying it/believing it.......but it is NOT!

defy them......FVCK them!

you are worth it!:hug:

 

[Snowflake]

I've never understood the idea that wanting to die is an automatic irrational thought.

These pe...

I understand...thinking of you!!!!

 

[Snowflake]

I take everything one minute, one hour, one day at a time. I have wondered what it might be li

Me too..

Sorry about your brother....

 

[Deleted member 34535]

Me too..

Sorry about your brother....

Thank You......believe me, I know what the pain feels like. But if we just keep going, the pain trickles away slowly and is replaced with hope. It hurts like nobody's business, but it will go away slowly.

 

[Snowflake]

Thank You......believe me, I know what the pain feels like. But if we just keep going, the pain tric...

I hope so-because it's scary feeling this bad-and being so alone with it.

 

[Deleted member 34535]

I hope so-because it's scary feeling this bad-and being so alone with it.

Well, Snowflake, I hope you will hang around for a long time because I personally consider it an honor to be able to converse and share our thoughts with one another. Thank you very much.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Never, but I totally understand the feelings. I had a friend who most likely committed suicide when we were in college. I couldn't imagine at the time how anyone could feel that way. I completely understand now. I like what people have said about knowing that these feelings are feelings and not truths. I don't think you can put a time limit on your life. At least I can't. I can't say, well, when my kids are in college or when they're married or whatever, then it's okay. Because it won't be okay to them. So I try to live for them but not for them alone. I need to find a reason that I want to be here. Right now what keeps me going is writing and the hope that someday I will feel more like I have a meaningful life. The life I want. However, that doesn't stop me and my parts from wanting to end things at times and it is so tough to ride out those feelings. I have sought help that I never would have considered before (inpatient help, ER, etc.) because I have allowed my therapist to help me remember that I have goals for myself. So maybe that's a place to start. What would you like to do? Would you like to be able to travel, work at a certain job, color every day, grow a vegetable garden, anything that would keep you wanting to live? That's where I have started and it's not always helpful, but it does help at time.s

 

[Snowflake]

Well, Snowflake, I hope you will hang around for a long time because I personally consider it an hon...

Thank you- I feel the more we talk, share and write about how we feel and think-hopefully we can hear we are not alone and we can stick together through these times - offering support.

Never, but I totally understand the feelings. I had a friend who most likely committed su...

I love my job- believe it or not. It's very triggering -I work with abused children in foster care and their moms. I have a male coworker that works with the fathers-

Goals???? I want to be comfortable with me. I want to accept that I did nothing wrong when my parents, uncle, brothers did things to me. I want to believe I am deserving to be alive and I want to be loved and held by someone.

 

[Deleted member 34535]

These are all very realistic goals that you can achieve. And you have an awesome cheerleading squad right here on MYPTSD that will be willing to listen and to share when appropriate. We all believe in you. I hope you believe in us and will allow us to love you.

 

[Snowflake]

These are all very realistic goals that you can achieve. And you have an awesome cheerleading squad...

Thank you -I am trying-but it's a cyber world. Sometimes I just wish someone was right next to me walking with me, talking to me, holding me -I wish there was a face to face connection with someone who understands.

 

[Deleted member 34535]

Thank you -I am trying-but it's a cyber world. Sometimes I just wish someone was right next to me wal...

I am just like you. No family, no friends except for one I call once a week. No social life whatsoever. This is what child abuse does and it is ugly. But here, we are a family. Nobody else understands us. Nobody else understands the mortal pain. Nobody understands the ungodly feelings of loneliness. Nobody else understands the days when we feel we are done and can't take it any more. But all of us do. We have to stick together.....support one another.....and love one another. We have too. Because people who have what would be called a normal life and upbringing will never be able to relate to us. The good news is that as we plod along and fight our battles one minute....one hour....one day at a time....this will go away and we can join the land of the living. It will happen. There is no yellow brick road through any of this. It is long and painful. But with faith and hope, it will end and we too can meet the wonderful OZ. Hang in there kiddo!!!!