The Right Time ......

[Stickler]

I've had a couple of friends off themselves. I miss them.

 

[Snowflake]

I've had a couple of friends off themselves. I miss them.

I am sorry-I know this is a sad topic.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Goals???? I want to be comfortable with me. I want to accept that I did nothing wrong when my parents, uncle, brothers did things to me. I want to believe I am deserving to be alive and I want to be loved and held by someone.

This is good. I have similar goals. They're hard. But they can be worked on, it just takes time. But you have goals and that is a great reason to keep living. I am also glad that you like your work even if it is hard and triggering. I loved my work and am struggling with the fact that I can't do it right now.

 

[Stickler]

I am sorry-I know this is a sad topic.

It's ok. I often stay alive for other people.

 

[Bloomy]

For me its not that the day today might be shit. I can fix that somehow. But its about that maybe in the future Ill not be able to create a life worth living. And I rather die in peace then live a life in misery. I have set a limit to how long Im alowed to live.
This means I will try everything worth while to improve my life. Tom improve me. The get something that is worth holding on to. To get a meaning of it all. To find joy and contentment. If I can not make it until the date Ive set I am allowed to choose to leave. And I will not do it out of depression, but out of a clear racional thought that a life in coma aint worth living.
But until then Ill stick to my guns and do all I am able to in order to have the life I so rightfully deserve to have after all the shit Ive been through .So help me God and Amen,

 

[Bloomy]

Snowflake - this is not a sad topic. Its a very accurate one. And I think its of outer importance we are allowed to discuss these thoughts and air them out.

 

[Snowflake]

Snowflake - this is not a sad topic. Its a very accurate one. And I think its of outer importance we are...

I totally agree!! !! No one should be afraid to talk about their feelings-or be afraid they will get into trouble if they did. (They are feelings)

 

[Lotis]

I can't get past it-I honestly feel that I was meant to die during the abuse-that surviving wasn't part of my life plan .

I feel exactly the same way. I have never heard another person say this before. I mean I am sorry you feel that way but it makes me feel not so alone in my thinking. I have read stories about survivors of abuse and how they feel so strong for surviving, getting through the abuse made them stronger, how the abusers didn't win etc. I however feel the exact opposite. I think I should have died. I think my abusers did win; they got me, they stole from me and they broke me. For me, I think that somehow fate screwed up and I was never destined to be here.

I do not think their is a "right time". I mean is there ever a right time to die? If you have to think about it being the right time then it probably isn't! I think suicide happens when a person makes the unwavering decision to do it and then that is the right time. They do not reach out and call for help, they no longer worry about how it will affect others, they relinquish their entire being to death.

When I am feeling so terrible that I start to think about suicide I say to myself give it one more day and if you still feel as bad OR worse than today then go for it.
That has happened twice to me. I have had 2 failed suicide attempts. I guess I suck at dying too:oops:
But what I am saying is give yourself some time because most of the time tomorrow will feel slightly better than today and if it doesn't then you reach out like you did here - I truly hope you are feeling a little bit better than you did when you first made this post.

Again there is never a right time to die.:dead:

L

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

-I honestly feel that I was meant to die during the abuse-that surviving wasn't part of my life plan .

I can relate to this statement. I have dissocitative identity disorder and within the past 6 months, that has come up. My system was formed to help me survive/endure the abuse, but the system was never meant to change. There was no plan for what happened when I survived and was an adult. It makes it hard to work with parts because they can't/won't change the system to adapt to now. I am working on it but it's a slow process. But that is how it feels- surviving wasn't part of the plan.

 

[Snowflake]

up and I was never destined to be here.

Yep! Absolutely!!! I have been through a lot growing up-I honestly regret I survived.


I also try to put it off for s time frame -hours or days. I usually tell myself "just get through this visit, or get to the end of my work day and still feel like it, I will, or if I wake up and I still feel like it ,I will.

Of course j am so damn chicken I never do-even though I want to. Sometimes I want to-i imagine it, play it out so maybe someone will care about me more. I crave attention, a friend, a mom I never had. So if I attempted it will I get that??? Probably not-but it's a hope.

 

[Snowflake]

I can relate to this statement. I have dissocitative identity disorder and within the pas...

OMG yes!!!!! That makes so much sense!!! My system got me through it as a child-but it couldn't as I became an adult. Almost like its still in child mode, unable to move on-I don't think I was meant too.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Almost like its still in child mode, unable to move on-I don't think I was meant too.

And yet the system was created so we could survive. It's all so confusing! It's no wonder that these feelings feel so overwhelming!