Childhood The "school Of Hard Knocks" Barometer Thread

[foreveralone2099]

hey guys, i just had an interesting conversation with someone about child abuse the other day: he's struggling with some antisocial tendencies but overall it didn't ruin his life.

without getting into a tedious suffering olympics here, how bad is bad? according to a psychologist i know, not everyone who has bad experiences develops ptsd. but worse experiences tend to make you more vulnerable to it.

it seems extremely difficult to get a barometer on what constitutes "bad". lots of things suck and people get thru them okay, if slightly damaged. lots of things suck a lot, and we end up on this forum or crawling to therapy to lick our wounds.

i was trying to find a resource on child abuse statistics, but the fact of the matter is that no one knows. referencing an infographic which i cannot link here because my post count is too low: "in one study, 80% of 21-year-olds who reported childhood abuse met the criteria for at least one psychological disorder". holy crap!

how bad is bad? what would you consider a difficult upbringing?

 

[7Cs]

I think some people are more prone to developing ptsd.

Perhaps a genetic predisposition.

A person is also more likely to develop ptsd when they cannot accept what happened to them.

 

[7Cs]

I just realized that didn't answer your question!

Ho bad is only relative to the person that the "bad" happened to.

That is why you will see a huge range traumas here. Basically, if the person has developed ptsd, then for that person that trauma was bad enough. Another person could experience the exact same thing and not develop ptsd.

Other things that can contribute to the developement of ptsd is lack of support after the trauma. By no means does having support guarantee that a traumatized person will not develop ptsd. But it's kind of like falling from a 3 story building onto a mattress vs concrete.

 

[foreveralone2099]

Other things that can contribute to the developement of ptsd is lack of support after the trauma. By no means does having support guarantee that a traumatized person will not develop ptsd. But it's kind of like falling from a 3 story building onto a mattress vs concrete.

i used to work with chronic fatigue patients, and they suffered overwhelmingly from ptsd because no one ever believed how ill they were! it's the meanest nastiest shittiest community ever and i think a lot of that is people's neuroses.

obviously trauma is a subjective experience and every has those and that's fine. i'm just wondering what's considered "unusually bad". for example, lots of parents hit their kids, but few seem to really enjoy it and make a regular practice of it.

 

[7Cs]

I'm curious as to the motivation behind your quest to find an answer for this.

If there is even a reasonable answer to this questions, how will it help or benefit you?

Are you looking for an answer as to why you developed ptsd while your friend did not?

Simple curiosity?


I honestly think even the answer to your question in subjective. Everyone will have their own opinion on what they consider unusually bad.

How would you answer that questions? What is unusually bad in your opinion?


I wasn't beaten or sexually abused yet I have complex ptsd from my childhood. My traumas were cumulative. Some unusual. All unusually bad.


Why does one rape victim develop ptsd while the other rape victim doesn't when the details of the assault are nearly identical? I can tell you for certain, both victims experienced something unusually bad.

 

[foreveralone2099]

I'm curious as to the motivation behind your quest to find an answer for this.

oops, looks like my original reply got lost in the shuffle.

like anyone else i spend a lot of time feeling sorry for myself: i think it's useful to see that certain traumas (rape) are very common and how people have dealt with them. a LOT of women have been raped. what's interesting is to see how they've shouldered that burden.

i suspect there's a sweet spot between getting lost in the past versus losing touch with your own inner pain and taking it out on the people around you.

 

[purpleswirled]

i used to work with chronic fatigue patients, and they suffered overwhelmingly from ptsd becau...

I was a CFS/ME sufferer for many years. It was horrendous. My own father used it as an excuse to further verbally and emotionally abuse me and I was punished a lot for having it. I was too sick to work or complete education but I was made to do booth. When I could only do part time I was mocked and put down for not doing full time. I also had school friends not believe me- was 14 when I came down with it. I now have a huge mistrust of anyone who doesn't believe me about anything and often question whether people REALLY believe me even if they seem to. i am always second guesing and not trusting myself

 

[purpleswirled]

oops, looks like my original reply got lost in the shuffle.

like anyone else i spend a lot of...

I wasn't really traumatised by the sexual abuse I suffered (multiple incidents from more than one person) but the verbal and emotional abuse from my father felt horrific because it was ongoing. yes, minor stuff compared to being beaten and raped nut it left me feeling powerless scared and afraid and worthless. Verbal bullying and exclusion from my peers in primary school caused me to have no sense of identity and that I was a thing not a person. On paper it seems so minor and trivial. It probably is. But somehow I let it affect me. i don't know why or how. i wish I could undo my past reactions to what happened- i may not have become so disturbed

 

[purpleswirled]

Been thinking a lot about some experiences i had which should not have been traumatising but felt like they were? i think they would be low on the barometer but still make me feel ugghhh

 

[foreveralone2099]

Verbal bullying and exclusion from my peers in primary school caused me to have no sense of identity and that I was a thing not a person.

yeah for some reason that stuff is harder to deal with when you're younger.
are you a loner now. being rejected both at school and at home made me a big schizoid tbh.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

@foreveralone2099
When I was three years old I witnessed two murders. I was so traumatized by the experience that I came home babbling some words again and again which described what I saw. My mother told me to stop that baby talk. That was the degree of her support. Three years later she started bullying and tormenting me emotionally/mentally and sometimes physically. She enlisted the help of my stepdad and my oldest brother.

I believe if I had come home to a supportive and nurturing mother who also showed healthy affection, I would've maybe not developed PTSD. I had already dissociated though, left my body during the killing. Yet beyond that I think/believe I might have faired better had I not had an abusive, narcissist for a mother.

I have to think though that I had developed Acute Traumatic Stress Disorder during the murders. I don't think any child would've survived that experience without some type of dissociation. Seeing murders is definitely outside the normal human experience.

 

[foreveralone2099]

@Incongruous
those are pretty rough experiences imo. thanks for sharing: for some reason it's grounding to know that there are other people out there who have seen and been thru shit.

do you struggle with feelings of alienation, "no one's been thru what i've been thru" kind of bullshit? just wondering. i do and i feel like i tend to get kind of wrapped up in it. but you know i think it's likely that these experiences are actually pretty unusual: a lot of folks have had them but take any room of 20 and you'll be lucky to find one who really, really struggled.

after 10 years of me/cfs i'm proud to say i've re-enrolled in school, but it's alienating as f*ck and i think i tend to get a bit precious what with feeling sorry for myself and all.

these young guys get all worked up about their baby mama messing around on them, or getting fired or whatever and i guess if the hard stuff was a gift it was because you learn to deal?

but it's hard: sometimes people at work will share stuff with me, the really bad stuff, and i kind of have to tamp down on a very, very slight urge to story-top. but most of my doesn't want to share at all!

outside of this forum, do you talk about the big stuff that's bothering you?