I think I saw my mom/abuser but it left me feeling like I was seeing an old person who merely resembles her.
Because I haven't had contact in 4 years, and because I've been recently having flashbacks of her abuse, (again a 30 year old can of whoop-a**) it seems surreal. It's like seeing a ghost or imposter trying to look like her.
What is this feeling? It's a mixture of sadness, fear, disgust, pity, and I don't know what? It's like when a friend made fake throw up (sick) out of everything in the refrigerator and dumped it on me, and pretended he got sick in the night. Yuck! Real or not, it was a horrid practical joke.
That's what this feels like, and my tummy feels jumpy.
Usually I feel anger, but this time, it's this weird mix of everything.
Am I going nuts? Has anyone had this happen?
What does it indicate? Am I getting better, worse, meh? I don't know.
Seems like I've stored an outdated image of my abusers, and seeing recent photos or seeing them is a reality slap. And maybe even if people had good, non-traumatizing parents, or adopted, or any parents, and maybe seeing them old, is just jarring. In my mind, they still look 20's like they did when I was traumatized by them. It's like the brain is stuck in the past with the abusers' images.
Is this part of PTSD? :facepalm::(
Because I haven't had contact in 4 years, and because I've been recently having flashbacks of her abuse, (again a 30 year old can of whoop-a**) it seems surreal. It's like seeing a ghost or imposter trying to look like her.
What is this feeling? It's a mixture of sadness, fear, disgust, pity, and I don't know what? It's like when a friend made fake throw up (sick) out of everything in the refrigerator and dumped it on me, and pretended he got sick in the night. Yuck! Real or not, it was a horrid practical joke.
That's what this feels like, and my tummy feels jumpy.
Usually I feel anger, but this time, it's this weird mix of everything.
Am I going nuts? Has anyone had this happen?
What does it indicate? Am I getting better, worse, meh? I don't know.
Seems like I've stored an outdated image of my abusers, and seeing recent photos or seeing them is a reality slap. And maybe even if people had good, non-traumatizing parents, or adopted, or any parents, and maybe seeing them old, is just jarring. In my mind, they still look 20's like they did when I was traumatized by them. It's like the brain is stuck in the past with the abusers' images.
Is this part of PTSD? :facepalm::(
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