Sexual Assault The Story Of My Life

[Kelly]

I was sexually abused by my step uncle starting at age 9 until I was about 11. I grew up thinking something was wrong with me and that I was worthless and that no one loved me. How could they when they let that happen to me.

At 9 years of age I suffered a miscarriage alone in my bathroom, I didn't know what was happening to me but I knew it wasn't good and surely couldn't tell anyone. It haunts me to this day and as I type this I'm breaking down inside that all i could do at that time was flush the toilet and go to my room and stay there.

I was abused about 40 times in a few year period I know others are worse off than I am but the hurts and fears are the same as any ones.

I have been in counseling for a long time now and it does get easier to cope with but at times I just let it eat at me.

I started drinking at a young age because it made me feel so much better and I could bury my thoughts and hide. Or so I thought.

I am a recovering alcoholic and on April 30th I will be sober 2 years. I have no trust for anyone in my life and I don't think I will ever get that back. I feel worthless at times and disgusting even though I know what happened to me wasn't my fault.

I will never have a normal relationship, I always do things to ruin it or I find the real winners that want to beat me or treat me like dirt.

This past August I took my abuser to court with a judge and jury because I couldn't seem to move forward in life and I was always going back to the bottle and sinking even further into depression. Knowing that he could be doing this to another child and I was doing nothing. I had so much guilt for that and blamed myself if that was happening. He is now in prison for the next four years and I can sleep better at night knowing he is paying for what he did. It doesn't make what he did to me any less hurtful though.

I can still smell the alcohol on his breath and the smell of cigarettes. I don't fear him anymore though.

I have become so much more stronger but yet still a frightened little girl at the same time, I'm afraid of being alone but afraid to be loved or give love.

Thats all for now thank you for reading and being here, I am here for you all to!

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Kelly. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.

I can't even begin to imagine how frightening it must have been for that little girl of just 9 to give birth, let alone give birth alone. My heart goes out to you.

It sounds like you have come a long way in therapy. Some things will never be forgotten, but hopefully the pain does get easier. Congratulations on your sobriety. That in itself shows that you are dealing with things better. :thumbsup:

I sincerely commend you for taking your abuser to court. Seriously well done. That was so brave of you. I'm glad that your abuser is in prison, and hopefully his fellow inmates will be treating him in the way he deserves. :mad:

I will never have a normal relationship,

Never say never!! You 'never' just know :)

It's good to have you here.

All the best
CB

 

[Kelly]

Thank you very much Cherryblossom

Court was one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life his lawyer ripped me apart limb from limb on the stand almost for a week straight. I seriously after the first few days of the trial wanted to just give up but I stuck it out because I had so much support there for me. I can't count how many times I sobbed and broke down on the stand. When the verdict was read I had no idea of what was being said but I knew by the sincere but sad look in the judges eyes that I had won. It was like I just shut down like the fight was over.

Although I still struggle and have many issues to work through I know now that I will be okay.

Twenty years plus holding all of this in I seriously thought ruined me as a person, it's amazing how much stronger I have become as soon as I let go and got justice.

Never will I be able to give up counseling or my AA meetings I will still have those days where I will feel sorry for myself and feel worthless but I also know tomorrow is another day.

Thank you again
Kelly

 

[WonderingWhy]

Kelly,

Congratulations! You are certainly NOT worthless.

You are one amazingly strong, determined, and from your post I also gather you are intelligent.

 

[justme31]

Kelly, I wish I could hug you. I just envy how amazingly strong you are. Thank you for sharing your story.

 

[cherryblossom]

Court was one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life his lawyer ripped me apart limb from limb on the stand almost for a week straight. I seriously after the first few days of the trial wanted to just give up but I stuck it out because I had so much support there for me.

You show brilliant strength and courage Kelly, I hope you will be an example to other who fear going to court, but find the strength to do it any way - just as you did. Well done :applause: