The System Is Broken. I Am Done.

[Deleted member 34195]

I wanted to say this our system is broken- the court system, the justice system, the police system and the mental health system. We broken society. We are.

No one is helping me. I go to court on Thursday. My public defender has not return any of my phone calls for over a week. I go to this hearing on Thursday. I have left her five messages including to her supervisor twice. Her supervisor called me yesterday and said that she would all me. Newsflash- I have caller ID and call waiting and she has not called. I called the Public Defender's office today and asked if I could look at my case which I haven't even been able to look at my case file and they said my public defender needs to go over with that with me- this person on telephone told me that my public defender has been trying to get a hold of me. That is lies. I have Caller ID- I have proof from the phone company- public defender is lying. I was promised that she was going to come to my city and meet with me at their local office here to discuss my case before the hearing-It is in less than two days..... Tomorrow is Wednesday. Thursday the court hearing is in the morning...... I have not been able to see my case or my file and have not met the public defender and have not met her or nothing......

I give up and I am going to go to court alone- I am firing the public defender- when a public defender lies under oath and to her superiors that she tried to call me- that is not true-- she never called me-- the phone company can prove that. I don't have a public defender who has my interest in mind. NO one will help me. My sister is dealing with her own mental health issues. She lives 4 hours away and is having car trouble. My father said he can't help me. My mental health team can't help me...... the county won't even help me.

My heart is hurting..... when I say that-- I have angina pain in my heart. My blood pressure has been at heart attack levels for the last three days-- I take heart pills. I already chewed four baby aspirins early this morning.... my diabetic sugar levels have spiked up high and also I am stomach upset cause of the stress of dealing with this on my own-- I have been vomitting and the other end of stuff- TMI. This all stress related. My vision is blurry- I suspect is from lack of sleep, crying a lot, high blood pressure and high sugar levels.

MY mental health team says they can't legally help me-- that when I do go to jail, I will lose all my services............. the county social workers are MUM. They said they can't help me- yet they were talking about civilly committing me.... no one will return my phone calls or nothing...........

I have hit beyond rock bottom. NO one will help me. I don't want to lose my apartment. I acknowledge my mistakes. I take full responsibility. I am pleading guilty to all four serious misdemeanors- even though I don't agree with one of them.

I can't get into see my therapist for a month cause she is on vacation. My helper person said that I will lose her if I go to jail- -she said she can't help me legally at all. she can't help me with the phone calls or nothing.....

I realize how broken this system is. I realize when your down and out and life is hitting the shit fan, no one will help you--- even my two best friends haven't called- the truth is no one cares. That is the truth. The mental health professionals told me I will lose my services, my home, etc. if I go to jail-- to me I am just dollar sign and nothing but money in their pocket- i get it, they need money to pay bills and survive too..... it is too bad that none of them can help me through this process....... to think I am going to be homeless once I get out of jail. To think I will have no mental health services in place, and nothing.... I see my psychiatrist tomorrow... court is the next morning- he can't come cause of short notice. I feel failed by the system. I have honestly lost all hope. I am trying to forgive the officer who hurt me.... I am.

I was out by the railroad tracks early this morning- 2 am. I was on walking on the tracks-- i saw two police cars go by. I saw this one vehicle go by three times and swing around and then stop and stare and slowly drive again- I don't know if that was under cover cop- they probably thought i was going to jump in front of the train- the train goes by too slow. I wasn't suicidal. I just wanted to clear my head by walking on tracks and meditating by the bench. I cried and cried and cried..... i even saw a couple walk past and no one even acknowledge me as human being... so to see people drive by -- especially the one person who drove by three times and slowly drove by-- i was wondering what they were thinking--no one even came up to ask if I was ok. people would rather gawk at distance than say anything..... that is cause truly no one cares. That is the truth.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[Stickler]

He cannot come, but he could write a letter on your behalf, stating you are not mentally well enough to stand trial ATM?

Do you have a letter from your Tdoc, stating that, in her opinion, you were being groomed by this police officer?

You may be able to ask for an extension due to inadequate representation-your public defender failing to contact you upon request would seem to be a decent reason.

I would not fire your defender and defend yourself.
I would see if the judge could appoint a different one? As this one has totally failed to contact you and so has her supervisor.

 

[Stickler]

Again, you need to contact the justice department ASAP.

This is official misconduct, hun. That falls under the purview of the federal Justice Department.
The system protecting him and going after you is official misconduct.
That is a matter for the Feds to investigate.

They may place an injunction on your trial/sentencing if they choose to investigate, so stall for time.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

public defender is lying

Welcome to the US. Most (not all) public defenders suck.

the truth is no one cares.

That isnt much truth if I care now is it?

This is official misconduct, hun. That falls under the purview of the federal Justice Department.

Agreed!

And you cant give up on you! You also have a right to your case papers. You can demand those papers BEFORE court!

There is also post-jail housing, jobs, mental health services (theres in jail mental health services)...theres a ton of post-jail stuff. Theres hope.

And id ask the judge to postpone court for a new public defender. Or rather request from court for a new one. That can be done too.

 

[Bragado Jansing]

Sorry you have to deal with a public defender. I interned at the Public Defender's office in law school. The only cases that mattered to them were the ones that would get their names in the papers.

I made the mistake of actually working hard and winning a positive disposition for one of our clients, some kid busted for dealing heroin; they wanted to send him to a hellish juvenile prison, but the kid had a tough life IMO and had obvious learning disabilities and depression from his mom just dying, and I was able to get him into a community home.

My supervisor was not happy about that. Life can be pretty f*cked up in the US. Take care, and good luck. I wish I could say more!

 

[Stickler]

...We do care.
And note: I'm not blaming you for feeling like giving up.
I know and get that you are feeling persecuted...again, like all your life.
They really are out to get you...

I just really don't want you to go with that feeling.

You don't deserve this crap, hon!
I want you to get angry and not give up.

Ooh, another idea...email newspapers in your town.
Be very unemotional, be very brief, be very coherent. Just the facts.
Email a journalist, if you can, who digs up dirt about municipal officials.

What Bragado Jansing posted gave me this thought.

 

[Deleted member 34195]

...We do care.
And note: I'm not blaming you for feeling like giving up.
I know and get that you are f...

I emailed a local newspaper about what is happening to me including the one email from that officer. They haven't said anything yet. I did also just email them too that my public defender has not called me. I am going to contact the news station too-- I gave them a heads up about this before I was arrested for outing the injustices that happened to me. I admit my mistakes in this too. I do. I told that to the newspaper. I was very open.

 

[Deleted member 34195]

Sorry you have to deal with a public defender. I interned at the Public Defender's office in la...

I am glad you helped that kid out! He needed someone to believe that he had something better than prison time. I survived horrible crimes since I was five years old. I try to advocate for myself. They also now acknowledge that I am on the autism spectrum- I don't pick up on cues and communication issues- I feel misunderstood. I know I communicate differently. When I called 911, what I thought was emergency, they considered it not to be, they gave me serious misdemeanor charge for misusing 911. I was all upset and distressed- the police arrested me- that is one of my charges-- I told the police i needed to go to hospital cause I was so depressed-- they said too bad- they threw me in jail. I was in segregation cell for over 24 hours with no soap, etc. I am not too faithful on mental health services in the jail. If you depressed or suicidal, they put in solitary confinement cell for 24 hours or more-- they bully you- they think it is funny when you rocking back and forth and crying.... thanks for standing up for that young boy!! Good for you!! :)

 

[Deleted member 34195]

He cannot come, but he could write a letter on your behalf, stating you are not mentally well enough t...

I found out that the court has suspenoa (sp?) any documentation from my psychiatrist, my therapist and from my mental health helper person and medical doctor. I asked my mental health helper if she would sign that she came to my apartment to work on some skills with me- she said she couldn't do that without the court supenoa it. I was like, Ok. No one can write notes or nothing until the court asks for it-- that is my understanding... the problem is the public defender's office won't ask any of my questions--they won't let me see my case- the public defender won't talk to me or nothing..the police are going against me in court..... they are out to get me- that is not paranoia. that is the truth....when the county are mandated reporters -they were the first ones to state I was being groomed--now, they back paddling and protected their butts too- they show up at my hearing, yet they won't help me, but they may try to get me civilly committed against my will. The system is working against me instead of helping me. I don't want to lose my apartment. I been homeless before and it is not fun.

 

[Friday]

Firing your public defender before you've even met with them seems like shooting yourself in the foot.

This sounds like this is the arraignment coming up? Where you plead guilty or not guilty and dates for upcoming hearings are set? If so, that's usually the first time one meets their public defender, in court just before the arraignment, to verify the plea, and then appointments are set to discuss your case after that. Arraignments are very easy. You wait with several dozen other people, and each of you in turn pleads before the judge when called. Takes about 10 seconds, although you will sit there for 2-4 hours as everyone is processed through / waiting for your name to be called. An arraignment is not the time when you say *anything* about your case except guilty/not guilty.

If you voluntarily give up your right to counsel before that, it becomes very difficult to get back on with them.

 

[Deleted member 34195]

Again, you need to contact the justice department ASAP.

This is official misconduct, hun. That falls...

What justice department are you talking about ? The state I am in and it is justice department. I am confused . Please answer. Thanks.