Therapist can’t stabilize me for trauma therapy

[8888]

My therapist says she can’t stabilize me enough to really do trauma therapy. I regularly have “angry outbursts” (as my psychiatrist calls them) and grounding techniques are minimally helpful. Has anyone else had this? What are therapists really supposed to do to stabilize? I’m also autistic if that changes anything.

 

[Teasel]

Do you angry outbursts feel more like meltdowns to you?

What brings them on?

 

[gorgonzola]

I get dysregulated whenever the prospect of reprocessing comes up and grounding techniques don't work fantastically (and one of them is badly triggering so avoid that like the plague).

My brain is terrified of retraumatisation and I agree with its assessment there due to the specific nature of the beast.

 

[anthony]

At some point you're going to have to figure out what works for you, not what your therapist can do for you. What I would also do, is start processing small trauma, the lesser, insignificant stuff, and use that to find what works for you. Worst case, you do nothing and continue on as you are.

 

[8888]

Okay, thanks everyone, makes sense.

@Teasel Yes, I think they are meltdowns and comes from anything stressful.

 

[Teasel]

@8888
Look into sensory diets and how they help autistics regulate. I still have meltdowns, but knowing about what regulates me is very helpful.

I had sessions with an occupational therapist to help me figure out what works for me.

Some of the things that help me regulate best are exercise - walking, weight lifting, dancing etc.

Having someone sit or lay on me - the pressure is very soothing

Smells

I've noticed on the days I've exercised, I seem to have less meltdowns.
Hope you find what helps you.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

Control the things you can to build a better foundation of healthy habits. Things like exercise, fresh air, nature and diet. Value yourself by respecting yourself and how you live. You are worth it. This will build a stronger future to deal with the harder stuff.

 

[shimmerz]

Adding to @Lost in the Woods posting above, if you don't know about the window of tolerance, that would be a great way to self educatte. The wider you can get your window of tolerance, the more regulated you become. Things like exercise that you enjoy, a healthy diet, aromatherapy, sensory toys, heating pads for comfort, teddy bears. These things all go in the tolerance piggy bank, building your day to day resilience. Best of luck to you!

 

[8888]

Thanks everyone, definitely some things for me to look into.

@Teasel I have been meaning to try occupational therapy as I have never been and have heard good things.

 

[shimmerz]

occupational therapy as I have never been and have heard good things.

I was stalked and terrorized for about 4 years. After it stopped I could not walk anywhere - at all. That lasted for about 10 years. Then I was referred to an OT and I told her I wanted to walk - but I couldn't shake the idea that the criminals that followed me years back were not still a risk. I mean, they knew me but I didn't know who they were.

I cannot for the life of me remember what she said to me but she nailed it and I started being able to walk outside right away. I think it was along the lines of 'who cares where you go and for how long' but I can't be certain. She made the most lasting impact on my healing.

 

[8888]

I was stalked and terrorized for about 4 years. After it stopped I could not walk anywhere - at all. That lasted for about 10 years. Then I was referred to an OT and I told her I wanted to walk - but I couldn't shake the idea that the criminals that followed me years back were not still a risk. I mean, they knew me but I didn't know who they were.

I cannot for the life of me remember what she said to me but she nailed it and I started being able to walk outside right away. I think it was along the lines of 'who cares where you go and for how long' but I can't be certain. She made the most lasting impact on my healing.

So glad she helped you, thanks for sharing

 

[oliver767]

Yes, this happens. Stabilization means getting you to a place where you are not in constant crisis before digging into trauma. If you are still having angry outbursts regularly, your nervous system is too dysregulated to process trauma safely. It can retraumatize you instead of healing.

A good therapist should focus on coping skills that actually work for an autistic nervous system. Standard grounding techniques like deep breathing might not be enough. Somatic methods, like movement or temperature changes, can work better. Also, look into DBT skills. They are more concrete than talk therapy.

If your therapist admits she cannot stabilize you, ask for a referral to someone who specializes in both trauma and autism. Not all therapists are equipped for this. You are not broken. You just need the right fit.