Therapist Falsely Accused Me Of Theft

[Laurie E]

He was so angry! Me, dry mouth, terrified even now. Tried to tell him I didn't do it, but I can't prove it. What can I do? He really believes this. He's a good therapist​

 

[GwenDR]

I'm not sure a good therapist would jump to the conclusion that you did it, and immediately start yelling at you for it without doing any kind of investigation first.

 

[walter mitty]

whats missing?? something of significance or something petty, Is his chair missing or something??

And i agree with Gwen, if something is missing, that's an opportunity for discussion, no accusations and yelling. I mean, honestly, we do have the ability to act out, so you talk about it if it even happened.

 

[digger]

What can I do?

You might get more advice if you are able to share a little more detail.

Is the therapist saying you have stolen from him or does he believe you've stolen from someone else? Something of value? Are the police involved? Has he terminated therapy with you over this, or is there room to go back and talk things over with him?

 

[Laurie E]

Hi! Dr. Q. Believes I've stolen from him. As to value, probably not much monetarily, but valued personally by him. There are no police involved, and he hasn't terminated therapy, nor have I.......I think so much of his skill and compassion that I'm holding out the possibility that we can get through this and have an even stronger alliance. It's my belief that only a therapist who has a very high standard of practice would attempt this kind of confrontation with me so early in therapy. I'm definitely going to see him again on Thursday, as we've agreed. I can only hope that he can entertain even a small doubt that I'm guilty......my problem is that I'm not sure what to say to him, or how.

 

[joeylittle]

As to value, probably not much monetarily, but valued personally by him.

Why does he think you took the thing?

And is it the sort of thing you could have taken by accident?

 

[Justmehere]

think so much of his skill and compassion that I'm holding out the possibility that we can get through this and have an even stronger alliance.

It's my belief that only a therapist who has a very high standard of practice would attempt this kind of confrontation with me so early in therapy.

Be careful to not over idealize him. If it's early in therapy, you are both getting to know each other still. Are you being treated for kleptomania or anything else that might lead to this occurring as part of your symptoms? If not, I don't think the therapist had thelength of the relationship in mind when he confronted you, but with the simple goal of getting his stuff back.

Hopefully he misplaced the item and has found it by now and he will be able to apologize for the misunderstanding.

If that doesn't happen, and he confronts you on it again, I'd ask him questions about why he thinks you took it and generally respond by simply just telling him the truth about what happened. If it gets too triggering, remember to breathe and perhaps bring something with you that will help you stay grounded. Remember that you can leave at any time. He will believe you or he won't, but there's not much else you can do.

 

[Laurie E]

Why does he think you took the thing?

And is it the sort of thing you could have taken by acciden...

He believes I stole his books when he stepped out of his office briefly when I was there......he was visibly angry. His verbally expressed reasons were because I "was the only one in his office when he wasn't there), and that " this is what happens to some of my relationships" when I'm dishonest. I had told him I have had a real problem with lying, and I was disparate to stop it.......I said I considered lying a kind of spiritual violence to others. One other factor may be that I've been diagnosed as a "borderline" personality. As some of you may know, this diagnosis carries great stigma having to do with manipulating, lying, stealing, infantile ego, terror of being alone and a general lack of insight into self and others. I doubt this diagnosis. I couldn't have taken them accidentally. They were three honking tomes! But I wear a poncho in the winter, which means, I guess that I could have taken them out as I waddled with them swinging between my legs?!


PS thank you guys for helping me keep a sense of humor ;-b

 

[Laurie E]

Be careful to not over idealize him. If it's early in therapy, you are both getting to know each oth...

you're right, sigh. Guess I do idealize him! And true also is the fact that if he doesn't believe me I can't change that.
My biggest problem is that I felt overwhelmed and blindsided by his accusation. It felt like an assault to me. All during the following week I felt terrified to go back. Even now I can feel my mouth drying, hands trembling etc. as I write. I hate to admit it, but I no longer trust him.......it doesn't help that two weeks before this incident he had begun to fall asleep. Oh boy. Doesn't look good....

 

[joeylittle]

And true also is the fact that if he doesn't believe me I can't change that.

Try and hold onto this, and let it replace the overwhelmed feelings. (I'd be feeling that way too, I totally get where you are coming from). You know what you did or didn't do. So all you can do is tell him the truth; the rest is up to him.

it doesn't help that two weeks before this incident he had begun to fall asleep.

Well, now, that's just a whole bunch of wrong. So perhaps altogether this isn't going to be a good match for you.

I'd still encourage you to go back for at least a closure session, and address the book stuff. If you do decide to leave his practice, it will be important for you to leave on your own terms, not because you believe he kicked you out for something you didn't do. That will probably only reinforce some negative thoughts you may have about yourself.

 

[Laurie E]

Try and hold onto this, and let it replace the overwhelmed feelings. (I'd be feeling that way too,...

Thank you so much! Hot **** Yeah, falling asleep as your patient is unburdening her soul isn't actually a great sign. @joeylittle, I'm going to take your advice because I think it's a sucky fit. It's comforting to know you would've felt the same too.