Therapist Is Unreliable. Am I Too Dependent?

[Freedomfighter]

So this is the second week in a row that my therapist has cancelled our session. Last week she can...

I think you should first have a very candid discussion with the therapist about that issue. You may be surprised that therapist might have personal problems too and she needs extra time. We have to see therapists as people with feelings, not just as people that appear whenever the magic lamp is rubbed.
I have seen good and bad in that career field and then the excellent too. But we all have to remind ourselves that we do not have the right to think that a patient that pays for medical care also has a right to intervene with might be a tough time for a T too.

All I am saying is this: it is incredibly difficult to be a therapist, a good therapist has to work through all of those issues he or she hears every day. And that is tremendously difficult to do. When I hear those stories myself from patients I am shocked, dismayed, disheartened, frightened, and often disgusted. This all has to be worked through by a person that sees many patients a day and that therapist sometimes might be just as overwhelmed as the patient.

 

[Tinyflame]

With further thought, and as close to experiencing such as I can speak to, and only from my own experience, I would say my rational brain would say everyone has 'stuff', there are many concerns and people to attend to, and I am not that important.

It would also say however reliability is integral to healing.

My emotional brain would say, as @Ragdoll Circus said:

Out come my abandonment demons full throttle

It would wonder, is this the same as always? One cannot predict the future, but lessons of the past teach too; it''s frequently said we run away from good things, but I think we run away also from any hint of a repeat of dishonesty, bad experiences (the quicker we get off the crashing train the better).

But the reason for the cancellations is pretty relevant to me personally in how I dea

I agree that this ^^ does have an impact- what 'is' weighs more than what 'could be'- but I think consideration means more- how much notice is given, how is it handled, etc. Otherwise it indicates little consideration = little importance= loss of trust.

So I'd say rationally it would be easy to forgive, emotionally it would be a mental battle, potentially going against what be my better judgement (or over-ridinfg fear- unwisely?) , to continue.

Not a simple consideration.

 

[Warrior_interrupted]

As I read the initial post I couldn't believe it... I could have written it myself! I could never have imagined it isn't just my therapist that does this!
My therapist has been inconsistent and unreliable since week 1. At first I thought it was a fluke, but it wasn't. I can say that for sure 2 years in. Most months I don't even get four sessions. Sometimes three. Sometimes two. I usually get an email or text, but last month there was a day where I got no notification and showed up just to have someone tell me she wasn't there.
She isn't the greatest, but personality is a good fit and I think her imperfections make me feel a bit better. In truth, I like her more as a person and less as a therapist. I sometimes wish I had given someone else a try.

I can offer this... I am almost 100% certain I would be farther along had my therapist been reliable and consistent from the get. My life/abuse/assaults have all been chaotic, inconsistent, and unreliable. Therapy should have been the start to the foundation I need to build a more stable platform for myself, if that makes sense at all. Plus, I always feel like an afterthought. I have perfect attendance. And also had to sign a contract with an attendance policy when I began. With my therapist being inconsistent I often feel it gives the impression my time is less valuable. And no, it didn't teach me to embrace the inconsistent unreliableness of people... no matter how much I tried to get this thought in my mind. My therapist is also inconsistent in sessions. So that might also be something for you to consider...

Do you think you could be okay if this continues? Will it impact your healing or your progress? What do you think is best for you?
Maybe have a talk with the therapist as others have suggested. It might be worth it. Do what is best for you though.

Good luck! I know how hard it is for me to deal with an inconsistent therapist. I hope your situation resolves soon so you don't have to fight that too.

 

[whiteraven]

It makes me crazy when my therapist cancels! I think in your case, I would have to ask myself a few questions. How long have I been seeing her, and has this been a consistent problem since day 1? Is this current behavior really unprofessional, or have her cancellations been for legitimate reasons? (I often, when I get crazy mad or upset about something like this, have trouble seeing past the reality of the other person's situation. Not sure how you are about this, so that's why I'm including this question.)

My own therapist has some significant family issues that occasionally pull him out of the office. He is pretty reliable, until he's not. So there might be a couple of months where he cancels on me 3 times, or has to move appointments around. But the rest of the year he's pretty steady. I've adjusted to this, and understand that he has things he needs to take care of. But you need to figure out where your therapist fits into this.

 

[Changing4Best]

If mine cannot make an appointment, she usually gives me like a week's notice and reschedules my appointment for the same week she is missing it. Like she might move it from Wednesday (our usual day) to Friday, or even Wednesday at a later hour or something. Definitely speak with yours about this and make sure that it is known that this is upsetting and seems unprofessional and so on.

 

[Warrior_interrupted]

I know I had a long response above, but I reread your initial post and I want to add something...
I thought the same thing about becoming overly dependent on my therapist. Why would her cancelling throw me off if I wasn't too dependent? Why should this matter... she is a professional doing her job, she isn't my friend. Then she would tell me to call or email and if I did she would rarely get back to me.
So, this reinforced that I was being way to needy and dependent. It took awhile for me, but I have realized, as backed up by others outside of the situation, that she is actually just not great at her job. I went in thinking I could depend on no one and authority issues can definitely be a thing after trauma. Instead of helping with all of that, she reinforced every piece of that messy puzzle.

Ugh, Sorry that was too long, but what I am saying is this... It is easy for us to think we are the problem. We are the one with PTSD, we are the ones that obviously need help, we are the ones told we have poor coping skills... we must be too needy and dependent. It's not always the case.
If your therapist's unprofessionalism is bothersome and getting in the way of your process, you have to do what is best for you. :-)

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I had a therapist just like this. Loved her as a person, loved her style, seemed like a good fit ... But she cancelled so much. Always good excuses that seemed valid and made me feel like the crazy one. I thought it would wnd, resolve, whatever, but it didn't. The pattern stuck and I'd get less than what I needed in terms of sessions per week, despite bringing it up.

She ultimately moved out of state and I had to switch therapists. My new therapist is a much better fit and I'm so glad I changed. Plus, in the six months of working with her, she's only cancelled on me twice, not every other time.

 

[somerandomguy]

I guess I'm really worried that if I fire her I won't be able to find anyone as good. I think we're doing some very good work. Maybe it's me and I'm just in a better place with therapy right now, but I've also been with some pretty poor therapists as well. Good ones ARE difficult to find.

I think I'm just going to have to bring her my concerns at my next appointment ... if she shows up.