Therapist On Vacation

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I've only missed one therapy session so far and I feel like such a baby because I am starting to fall apart. I kept picturing horrible things going wrong all night last night (didn't help that accidentally didn't take my sleep med- it got stuck in the container when I took my other meds). I stayed in bed for most of today, got up, managed to get to the store, and now am back sitting on my bed. I just want to cover up and go to sleep until my therapist comes back. I am thinking I may write her a letter or make her a card to see if that helps at all, but for right now I just feel so defeated I don't know if I can.

 

[Laurie2001]

I've only missed one therapy session so far and I feel like such a baby because I am start...

You're not a baby. My therapist called in sick this week and I'm still seeing her and I've been in a depression ever since. I feel in part ridiculous, but it just threw me off completely. Its hard because I think other people who do not go through what we do couldn't possibly understand.
But I think it makes sense, because we depend on them, they know us and we need that stability, security safety. For me I think it just triggers such an overwhelming sense of loss - like I've lost them forever. That happens in lots of situations for me. Like when my husband goes on a trip.
I know it has to do with what I experienced when I was growing up and ways that i was profoundly abandoned in terrifying situations.
So I just want you to know I get it and I don't think you are acting or feeling like a baby. Its so hard to be kind to ourselves or compassionate. I have such a hard time with that. But at least we can have compassion for one another and maybe that will help us be compassionate towards ourselves.

Sorry for the rambling. But I'm with you JEKBreakeandBelieve.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@Laurie2001 , don't be sorry, you weren't rambling and it's nice to get a response and know I am not alone. Thanks.

 

[Laurie2001]

You're welcome and I like your picture : )

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@Laurie2001 , thanks. It's my cat who helped me so much last night. I woke up from a nightmare in a complete panic and she came right to me to snuggle, I went to the bathroom and she scratched at the door until I let her in which helped me from going back into full panic. Then when I went back to bed she curled up at my head and slept with me. I love this picture of her because she's kind of half hiding her face and that's what I feel like a lot of the time- I am hiding who I am.

 

[Deleted member 39333]

My therapist did something for me as a tool to use when I am starting into a flashback since I live alone and do not have a support system. He borrowed my MP3 player (which I bought for less than $25) and recorded a story onto it-- a literary children's book. The idea was that as I head into a flashback, if I can get to the player in time and get hooked up, his voice might pull me out. It strikes me that perhaps if your therapist did something like this for you before she goes on vacation next time, you would have her voice with you, reading for you and to you, and that might help.

 

[Muted]

My therapist did something for me as a tool to use when I am starting into a flashback since I live alon...

That's is a really neat idea @Lynn49 . That must be extremely comforting. It sounds like you have a really great T!

 

[whiteraven]

But what if "come back" doesn't happen? I like what you said very much and it is very imp...

I so understand where you're coming from here. I think most everyone who has been in therapy does this when their therapist goes on vacation or is gone for more than a week. It's natural, because we grow to depend on their regular presence and their support.

I've had a couple of therapists/psychiatrists terminate on me without notice (they didn't just "leave" but they terminated with one session notice or no notice at all), so it does happen. I am proof that a person can survive that kind of thing (more than once) :-), but it is painful. One thing I learned from that is that therapists are human beings just like we are (and sometimes they are a LOT more flawed), but usually we worry ourselves way more than we need to about stuff like this. I know my worries about my therapist leaving (which I have every single week) come from my general fears of abandonment and my own lack of self worth and have nothing to do with him.

Sometimes it helps to sit with your thoughts and try to understand if they are valid (are you having them because of something s/he suggested about leaving or terminating therapy?) or are they perhaps coming from a place of fear?

Wishing you peace.

 

[Deleted member 39333]

That's is a really neat idea @Lynn49 . That must be extremely comforting. It sounds...

I do. So far the recording he made hasn't pulled me out of a flashback, but it has helped me to calm down when my stress levels are through the roof, and have helped me to go back to sleep after a nightmare. I thought it was a neat idea too, and I thought it was nice of him to do it for me. The book he read to me was a children's literature book called The Three Questions.

 

[Muted]

The book he read to me was a children's literature book called The Three Questions.

I haven't heard of that book before. I think it would help a lot with anxiety. That is truly such a neat idea!

Good idea for kids too!

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

My therapist recorded a guided meditation of sorts for one of my parts. However, I get triggered by it so I should get her to do another one that I can listen to. She wrote a note and we've been reading that. It helps some but not as much as hearing her say those words would help. Thanks, @Lynn49 .

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, @whiteraven . My reasons are completely driven from catastrophic thinking and feelings from the past. My therapist as reassured me over and over again that she will not quit on me and that she is going to be working with me for as long as I need her or until she retires which isn't in the near future. I have trouble trusting that, but mostly I do believe her because she has a history of proofing it to be true. I do need to sit with the feelings a little bit to see if I can prove what I just said on here to myself.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I am struggling a lot tonight. I have been really tired lately and today I managed to be up by 8:30 and ready to go meet my cousin. Then, I spent the rest of the day doing little things and staying awake. From the time my family got home, I've really been noticing how hard things are for me right now. I feel self-harm impulses. My thoughts are negative ("my life is worthless", "I am fat", "there's no reason for me to be alive"). These are thoughts I haven't had for a while and I really wasn't missing them. I did a lot of guided meditation type stuff and that helped calm me down, but I am still struggling. I had thoughts of going to the hospital or calling the crisis people to get an assessment done, but that's not really what I want. What I want is my therapist to be here. Anyway, I just needed to get this out on here where I know there is support and people who understand.