Therapist/ Parent Figure

[KP the nut]

Oh yeah, me too! If my therapist would offer to adopt me I'd happily sign up.

Oh kayak, I laughed when I read this, me as well.

I think it is part of the fact I felt so comfortable and safe with my T. He is a man and a similar age to me. A relationship with a T was for me really weird. Here is someone to whom I've revealed my soul, I told him things not even my beloved H of 31 years knows.

I'm sort of stuck for words, my therapy has just ended and I feel a sence of loss and yet I know it is a good thing as I am able to manage on my own - I hope.

:speechless:

 

[LizBeth1]

What do you do if your T reminds the "young you" of several abusers? I've had teachers, doctors, and my mom all do abusive things involving a sharp or firm use of voice, handling my body in an invasive, abrupt and sometimes really violating way, and shaming / humiliating me. So my T, who has a very firm voice (sometimes it's sharp if she is emphasizing a point) and stays tight behind that professional demeanor, often winds up causing me to regress in fear and then it's hard to bring me back from the trigger. Because my past abuse involves vocal and physical at same time, the ideas are fused, and I feel like she's handling me physically even when she is not. Her voice sets it off, I think.
I feel really stuck, because the "young me" keeps attaching her vocal and facial expressions to past abusers; it seems like they cannot be convinced that she is a safe person. I'm really struggling w/this. If she tries to help me w/it, it's so hard because she's talking to me in that firm voice: "Am I abusing you? Am I touching you? Am I shaming you?" etc. and "young me" still can't distinguish.
Any thoughts?

 

[KP the nut]

(((lizbeth))) can you talk to her. If not why not print off what you wrote. IMHO, she needs to know. If she doesn't she can't help.

I'm sorry, I wish I could say more.

Wishing you peace
KP

 

[LizBeth1]

Thanks KP :)

 

[kayak]

Oh lizbeth that's a tough one!! Therapy is hard enough without your guide being the one to trigger you. And you have to feel safe with your T or it isn't going to work. On the other hand, you have the opportunity to deal with that trigger in the most meaningful way possible. The person who triggers you is also your greatest ally...what a gift. A terribly confusing, difficult and complicated gift perhaps... I wish I could offer some great advice, but even those of us without triggering therapists inevitably struggle through the relationship too. I can't imagine how difficult that must be for you. Wishing you the best :)

 

[LizBeth1]

Thank you Kayak! I know, in the beginning it seemed like this dynamic was useful for helping uncover past issues, but now I'm a little scared of the dynamic as we are getting into some intense material. I plan to talk to her about it, but it does feel like I may not surmount this thing.

I'm glad to hear that it's possible to have a therapist whose personality does not trigger you! I was actually worried that this was just how it was for everyone -- the only difference being that everyone else could master the problem except me. ;) Thank you.

 

[kayak]

Oh no, almost all of us struggle with it. I love my therapist and am very painfully learning to trust her...maybe :cautious:...but sometimes she makes me feel like a little kid, sometimes I am terribly afraid of her, sometimes I want to crawl in her lap and let her hold me, sometimes she frustrates me to death, and more often than not her "caring" voice frightens rather than calms me. Luckily, I dissociate and just mentally check out when it gets too intense. Though, getting rid of that particular maladaptive coping mechanism is probably going to come up soon...:eek: It's hard. It sucks. And there's no way to the other side except wading chest-deep straight through all of this terribly painful, confusing s*#t. Please talk to your T, and hang in there as long as you both have some hope that you can work through it together. If you decide you can't deal with it, we're still here for you all the same and will be cheering you on.

 

[LizBeth1]

Thanks so much for your compassion, Kayak. I have a very similar experience. I guess except when my T's 'caring' voice is scary to me, I just keep feeling fear more and more intensely. Oh, to be able to 'space' when that's going on! :O_o: Yeesh... I know she can't change her voice to Glynda the Good Witch or anything... LOL. Thank you - your words have really made me feel less alone in this!!