Therapist Refuses To Start Emdr...and That Is Why I Went To Her

[TeaLeaf]

Faraway- Thanks for your reply.

I do have some trust issues that come up at times but in this case, I think what I am asking for is reasonable. Yes maybe they do feel they need to take it slow however to not have a timeframe for when I am going to actually start EMDR processing does not sit well with me. It all seems too vague and has changed too much for me to just blindly trust her. I should know what to expect for the time and money I am putting towards it.

 

[therapybankrupt]

I was a year in preparation for EMDR. I was so frustrated! It set me back financially also! I am now getting the therapy and it is tough I now wonder if I can continue! Best wishes on your journey tealeaf!

 

[piratelady]

I would suggest having a calm and candid conversation with her. Explain that you want to know when you will begin EMDR and you feel that timeline needs to be followed. The other option would be to find a new EMDR therapist. I hope you can work it out.

 

[faraway]

I hope you figure it out, TeaLeaf. Maybe call another EMDR therapist and see if you can get some concrete plan from them. If you can, change. If not, maybe you just have to go ahead and let them do their job the way they think best. I dunno, I trust that my therapist knows what he's doing; I don't think the EMDR therapy will be right for you if you don't feel that way about your therapist.

 

[Springer80]

I feel really let down, embarrassed of how I acted and weary of trying again with another therapist.

I wouldn't feel embarrassed if I were you. I would have thought tat any emdr practitioner would realize that people that finally make it through their doors have been on a LONG road to get to them. If anything I would have thought they would have been keen to alleviate that and maybe put your expectations/desperation into context based on emdr's possibilities.

I had a session of it once, I have a depersonalization disorder though and I was too physically defensive to take to it. However, we didn't have to have loads of pre-match chat about it. Mind you I couldn't pinpoint specific memories to talk about so maybe that's why I didn't take to it.

 

[TeaLeaf]

Thanks everyone for your responses, I really appreciate it.

This therapist was not a good match for me and I am not returning. I get frustrated just thinking about her not believing me when I say I am not frustrated at something and refusing to give any sort of timeline when I am putting so much money towards therapy. I sent her a brief letter explaining why I was disappointed and won't be returning.

I plan to return to my previous therapist for a month or so and I have another EMDR therapist picked out for when I am ready to start. I met her briefly when I was initially looking for an EMDR therapist and I feel comfortable with her.

 

[Springer80]

Good or you, you don't need to be patronised on top of everything else. Business is business and a T shouldn't try and mix your symptoms up with your judgement on their services, highly unprofessional. Hope the next one gets it.

 

[Abrasky]

You should feel comfortable and trust the therapist you work with I think.

I don't know much about this EDMR, but I started to heal when I started to deal with shallower but still painful memories straight away. Although my therapist wouldn't tackle the deeper levels of trauma until 12 years into my therapy. I had a lot of background stuff to work through first.

I always moved onto a different psychologist if I wasn't having a good cry within 3 sessions. Sounds like that it might be a good idea and it is what you have done. I wouldn't not choose to go not for doing a specific therapy, as my successful psychologists have always used a combination. If you are not getting results though from the combination, then best to move on.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Did you see your therapist a long time for traditional talk therapy before the subject of EMDR came up? Or was it literally 1 session and the EMDR was started? (I saw the EMDR therapist I mentioned 3 times before I quit)

I was in CBT for 2 1/2 years (still am), took over a year of DBT (I *think*), and once I got in to my trauma T., it was weekly appointments for two months before we had a good enough timeline - and targets to go after. It's been worth it. I would never have been able to do this without the good preparation and well-practiced life skills to employ to keep my psyche from getting flooded again.

We had to identify, as much as possible, the origin of the first memories of the negative cognitions which are most troubling to me now. ...and, I needed to be able to go deeply into those and allow the emotions flood through.

Honestly, I thought I was ready two years ago. Now that I'm 'in it'...no way. Waiting has been important and worth it. I'm glad they didn't let me push them into just doing the EMDR. My brain couldn't have handled it.

Hang in there. Try giving your T. a chance...they just might be more competent than it seems at first.

 

[anthony]

If you have processed your trauma, then EMDR isn't going to do much for you, other than maybe spike your symptoms with little, to no outcome. If your issues are now behavioural, then CBT / exposure based therapies are the better option.

It seems you want EMDR for your own purposes versus listening to what the therapists best advice is. EMDR is not just something you use for the sake of it, which is what it seems you want them to do for you. You want EMDR, so you think you should get it. Sorry... that is just not what EMDR is about. It is used specifically to help certain people process memories and emotion, to defragment as much as possible, trying to create more robust pictures. Prolonged Exposure does the same / similar thing, in a different manner. Neither are just used for the sake of it, especially if you have talked your trauma to death already and have no real issues with remembering it, and / or talking about emotions.

Other therapy models pickup far better under such situations than EMDR. The therapist would be disregarding these specifics if they just used EMDR on you because that is what you feel you want. EMDR requires a specific amount of lead-in sessions and assessments, to determine whether it is the best therapy for you or not.

I'm getting the impression that you think you have a right to have EMDR because you're paying... which is why I tend to think the therapist is correct with their process with you. Sure... you may find someone who doesn't care and will take your money and screw you up, there are plenty around. Obviously you hit what I am thinking, is maybe a more professional therapist who isn't going to give you want you think you deserve, but instead review things based on what you're presenting to them with. Which is the correct application for therapy, contrary to your belief.

 

[Lucycat]

I'm getting the impression that you think you have a right to have EMDR because you're paying

That was precisely my thought!

I had weeks of preparation for EMDR, and we started when T said I was ready. He is the expert - I only knew about it from the books he gave me to read as part of the preparation. I had intermittent EMDR. That means that I did not know whether that day's session would be EMDR or not - although I started to learn what would be an appropriate target so could anticipate with experience.

This was my first - and only - time in therapy. I still see my T from time to time, and he has always said if some new memory rears its ugly head then it might be appropriate to do a further EMDR session on it. I guess the point is that I trust him and respect his judgment. We are a 'good fit'.

Incidentally we used the bilateral tones through headphones, although I understand the differences in technique make no difference to the results,

 

[TeaLeaf]

If you have processed your trauma, then EMDR isn't going to do much for you, other than maybe spike your symptoms with little, to no outcome. If your issues are now behavioural, then CBT / exposure based therapies are the better option.

It seems you want EMDR for your own purposes versus listening to what the therapists best advice is. EMDR is not just something you use for the sake of it, which is what it seems you want them to do for you. ............Neither are just used for the sake of it, especially if you have talked your trauma to death already and have no real issues with remembering it, and / or talking about emotions.

Other therapy models pickup far better under such situations than EMDR.

Anthony- Thanks for your feedback. As I mentioned, I had hoped the EMDR could help with the intrusive memories and disconnection I was still having from my traumas. I am not sure why you would suggest I am doing EMDR "just for the sake of it" or why anyone would do EMDR for that reason. Both my cognitive behavioral therapist and the EMDR therapist I saw for 3 session said I was an excellent candidate for EMDR and that EMDR can help in ways that CB or other talk therapies cannot. As was explained to me, EMDR helps put intrusive and vivid memories to rest so that you remember them but don't have the same emotional reaction to them.

As some posters has indicated (Springer80 and Gizmo) they did not have lots of pre EMDR sessions but had different types of therapy or a psychiatrist they were seeing before starting EMDR. Others, such as lucycat said they had not been to therapy before and had much more preparation for EMDR. I initially met with 1 other therapist regarding EMDR and they indicated 2-3 sessions of preparation given that I have had 10 years of mostly CB therapy already.

One of the biggest issues I had with this therapist is continually changing when the EMDR would start and then not having any idea how many more sessions it would be before I started the eye movement portion. I don't think it is unreasonable to expect a therapist to have a general idea if it would be 2, 10 or 100 more sessions before starting EMDR.