Therapist Said I Was Too Stressed For Therapy

[AngelKeeperJ]

Frankly, I am appalled (sp?)!! At the very least she could have been more compassionate, and tactful. I think you are lucky that you didn't continue with her. It sounds like her training and experience may be lacking.

I do agree with Anthony that she could have just taken your money and done a half-a$$ed job. At least she recognized that your symptoms could be a problem at your job. You definitely need to learn some grounding techniques before the intense work begins.

Hopefully, you will be able to find somone who is willing to 'walk the distance' with you carefully, so that you can maintain your job. After all, who can really quit their job to focus on therapy? THAT is not realistic!

Best of luck, and I hope you are able to find some peace, and a therapist who is properly suited to your needs.

 

[Rumors]

Her skill set is communication. In my opinion, she gets an F on her delivery in this situation. PERIOD. There were a thousand ways to handle the situation including the way Anthony explained it but instead she just ended the therapy and left the person she was supposed to be helping with even more questions. Now, if she truly cared, she could have brought you in and sat you down and said, "this session is on the house because, blah, blah, blah". However, she chose the easy way out in which I simply wouldn't return to her under any circumstance. You are not wrong for feeling that she left you high and dry. It was not professional and I understand she shouldn't take your money either however, she could have given you a choice to continue with CBT to work on other life issues without delving into the trauma. OR, given you a federal name of someone who would do that.

 

[Hashi]

A therapist can do one of two things:

1. Take your money and con you into believing they can help you reduce stress, even though you have PTSD and are in a high stress job, or
2. Be honest and turn you away until such time as your environmental stress is reduced to what they consider a safe level for trauma therapy.

Wouldn't a third thing be to explain better and refer you to/suggest you see a type of therapist who'd be more appropriate for you at the moment? At least discuss this possibility with you? There are therapists who can work on stress/life issues with someone with PTSD - mine does.

I wouldn't call what's been described as "honest", which to me implies giving a much clearer explanation of the whole situation and not simply demanding that you give up your means of supporting yourself, then throwing you out when you say you won't. IMO, at best this is lazy and arrogant.

I agree that someone who does what I'd call trauma treatment (rather than therapy), and isn't working with you holistically on your whole life situation, wouldn't be in a position to carry out the treatment while things were so unstable. However, simply terminating treatment like that wouldn't come into my definition of good or ethical practice. Nor would the other things that have been mentioned.

VT86, it sounds like you were seeing an EMDR therapist who wasn't willing to work in any other way. As such, I do agree that in theory she couldn't treat you in the circumstances. However, I'm astonished at what you've said about her approach to EMDR treatment. In fact, I wonder if she might have acted the way she did as a defensive measure, because of your adverse reactions. Perhaps she wanted to protect herself by establishing a reason for issues with the treatment then to distance herself from you.

At any rate, I'm sorry you've had such a bad experience. The only thing I'm glad about is that it's got you away from her before spending any more time there. It can be hard to find your way through the inappropriate ones, but there are much better therapists and a lot of different approaches.

 

[anthony]

Wouldn't a third thing be to explain better and refer you to/suggest you see a type of therapist who'd be more appropriate for you at the moment?

You're confusing referral I believe. Therapists refer when something is out of their depth, or they have a bias. There are other factors, though most fit into those spectrums.

Referring in this case isn't achieving a thing... because the problem is not the therapist, the problem is the client who has PTSD + a high stress job, and isn't willing to reduce that stress for their own reasons, in order to begin trauma therapy.

No therapist can get around that, hence referral is illogical.

Treating PTSD requires very specific aspects be met prior, in order for it to succeed. You simply cannot be in a high stress environment and expect anything good to come of it whilst having trauma therapy. It just won't work.

The client may as well go and get regular counselling to try and talk out any stress... however; they could do that if they simply have friends or a partner in which they already do that with. Even a counsellor is going to use a therapy model which will provoke existing trauma.

Stepping away in this case is the only model for a therapist, not referral. You cannot help someone with PTSD who doesn't want to help themselves first and foremost.

 

[Hashi]

You're confusing referral I believe...

Referring in this case isn't achieving a thing... because the problem is not the therapist, the problem is the client who has PTSD + a high stress job, and isn't willing to reduce that stress for their own reasons, in order to begin trauma therapy.

I think we have very different viewpoints, and that's OK. I just want to clarify what I mean.

VT86 said "I actually like my job and it is my only link to the outside world right now, and the only way I can financially support myself". So to stay in it, in my view, is not about not wanting to help yourself. I can't help wondering if the suggestion comes from having some other means of support, without having work to pay the bills, or otherwise to face what would, in my country at least, be an extremely difficult and lengthy situation of trying to claim meagre support from the state?

IMO, continuing something which is the only way to financially support yourself, keeps some kind of engagement, and has any positives, despite the other issues, isn't equal to not wanting to help yourself. I have to say that I think the idea that it is, is narrow and lacking in understanding. Speaking personally - yes, we have to deal with trauma. We also have to pay the electricity bill and hold on to any self-esteem and connection that we can. It would be nice if trauma was all we had to think about, but it's not.

I stayed in my job despite a negative effect it was having on me at the same time as the positives it also had. I was in no condition to find another, and had no other means of support. From one perspective, that might have seemed like I wouldn't help myself by removing myself from a negative, stressful situation. From another perspective, the alternative would have been more negative and more stressful.

I was having psychotherapy during this time, and my therapist and I were focussing on what the meaning of the situation was for me, what was best for me to do safely, and how to deal with the emotions I was experiencing. I don't understand the idea that therapy in a situation like this can't be helpful - it helped me tremendously. It didn't provoke existing trauma. As a result, I stayed long enough for my boss to engineer a situation where I was made redundant - unfairly, but with enough money for me to live on for five months. If I'd left earlier, I'd have had nothing. If I hadn't been made redundant, I would have had a different perspective to find a new job before quitting.

I think staying in my stressful job until then, I was helping myself. How would I have helped myself by throwing myself into unemployment? Much better to help myself by finding a therapist who was willing to work on this with me while setting trauma work to one side.

Referral may well be illogical for VT86's therapist, who - from what I've read - I personally wouldn't want to be anywhere near. To conclude that a client who's reluctant to suddenly cut off their livelihood and means of engagement, without suggesting that someone could help them explore the issues around that, "doesn't want to help themselves first and foremost" is deeply depressing to me. If a therapist works in a way that doesn't fit the situation, or feels for some other reason that they can't help, why not explore other options for the client rather than simply terminating treatment? This is absolutely not the only therapy option for clients with PTSD.

First and foremost? I want to help myself by surviving physically and financially. How else could I possibly start working on trauma? And if my therapist isn't equipped to help me with that, then if they're secure enough in themselves I think it's reasonable to expect they at least talk to me about other types of therapists who can. Because they are out there. Including the fact that I have PTSD.

I don't have the luxury of an understanding partner, or friends or anyone else paying the bills. I need to look after myself. The first consideration being having a roof over my head. The next being a safe space to look at my work situation. If a therapist who can't help me with that thinks no-one can, I beg to differ.

 

[Shellbell]

I think the way the T handled this situation was very wrong, it doesn't appear she explained fully her reasoning for why she didn't feel continuing T with her was appropriate. And I totally understand the stress and upset this caused.

However, if she did believe she could not help you due to your high stress situation - I am glad she just didn't continue to take your money and cause further damage with inappropriate therapy. There are T's out there who do keep on taking money and providing T they know is not really appropriate for the client and this can cause more damage.

She probably does really believe you would benefit from quitting a high stress job, however, needing to support yourself financially is a necessary factor and being unable to provide for yourself would also ultimately cause considerable stress.

I hope you find a T who is able to support you appropriately.

 

[anthony]

So to stay in it, in my view, is not about not wanting to help yourself. I can't help wondering if the suggestion comes from having some other means of support, without having work to pay the bills, or otherwise to face what would, in my country at least, be an extremely difficult and lengthy situation of trying to claim meagre support from the state?

A person makes a choice, basically... please don't confuse general counselling / therapy with trauma therapy. You must distinguish that there is a significant difference when being discussed.

Everyone has a choice. VT stated they liked their job. That is a choice. You do actually choose, and there is always more than one job / one type of work environment a person can work in. Some people like high stress, busy environments to work within. No worries with that. Again though... a choice. Some like low stress, low intensity environments to work within. Also a choice. Now add that you have PTSD and you 'want' to reduce the symptoms. Another choice...

From a therapy viewpoint, you cannot successfully have both during the treatment phase.

One very relevant requirement before trauma therapy begins is that the person removes / reduces as much stress from their environment as possible. That means, if you're living next to a crack house and you have issues with the activity going on there, that it creates stress in your day to day life beyond normally expected, then you need to fix that situation by moving or the police come and drag everyone out of there and its rented to another person / family, not a drug factory. The same applies to high stress work environments. It is exactly the same.

There are pre-cursors to beginning trauma therapy for very good reasons. It improves successful treatment significantly, it reduces the likelihood the person will overload and attempt suicide, and there are a myriad of other factors I could list.

You can agree to disagree Hashi... no issues, but the facts of trauma therapy are the facts of trauma therapy. A therapist who ignores these taught, tested and known factors of trauma therapy protocol, could be liable to be sued, loss of license, etcetera, when it turns to shit. Not something most therapists want to occur, and client safety trumps everything opinionated individually.

 

[stillscared123]

I'm so sorry VT86! As a senior psychology major who plans to go into graduate school to study to become a therapist, I can tell you that behavior is BEYOND unethical, and you should run far far away from that therapist! How awful, I am so so sorry that the person you were going to for help would say those things to you. That psychologist should have their license to practice taken away as they are doing exactly what psychologists are not supposed to do: transfer THEIR emotional difficulties onto you. No therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, ANYONE in the mental health field should tell a client to quit their jobs or forgo doing something productive and positive. I am so appalled at this "clinicians" behavior, and I am sorry you went through that. There is NOTHING wrong with you and good for you for standing up to his/her ridiculous suggestions.

 

[Aribear]

Anthony, the big issue sounds like it wasn't that she wanted to discontinue therapy, but HOW she did it. Even if the T thought the therapy should be discontinued, her behavior was definitely not professional.

Yes, sometimes a type of therapy isn't right for where someone is at the moment, but that doesn't justify the therapist getting angry that a client wouldn't suddenly quit their job and link to the world, much less this:

"Don't quit. Pretty soon you'll just have a meltdown at work and get fired anyway."

VT86 - Don't give up on therapists or therapy. The first one I ever saw said that I was just "overly sensitive" and that nothing was out of the ordinary except for possible ADD (which was in response to me saying I couldn't concentrate because of all the anxiety and what I know now are flashbacks). I have one now that is great so far and I feel like I can actually talk without judgement. You may also have to look at different types of therapy for where you are right now.

 

[surprised]

There are healthy ways and means of relating and to my mind that was abusive and unskillfully handled, considering this women is supposed to be a expert in relating to others, empathy is a key factor in a therapist and alot of poeple work and the therapist is there to help destress you help you with coping techniques. It is to me a sign of a person lacking skills, no part your fault, pure projection and really unprofessional. Of course EMDR can help with stress and trauma, that,s what it CAN do, unbelievable treatment on her part, to me any compassionate therapist can cope with clients in high stress jobs and enable you stress levels to decrease, it is not you, and pure projection. Not all therapist are healthy and have issues themselves, she could quite easily have contained and heal your stress

 

[surprised]

Also in an ideal world there would be the so called ideal conditions, not everyone can leave work. I was dealing with a neighbour from hell, BUT still continued treatment and getting results, was it easy, no, did I feel terrible yes, can I see positive results yes, all that whilst living literally next door to a crack house, lots of other negatives, but the treatment made it so the hell was something I coped with better, we can,t live in a bubble, thats unrealistic.

A good set up can help overload from occuring and what is the option, give up work, move into the country side, life,s not like that. You got to work within the circumstances you got, my circumstances are awful yet still progressing as the EMDR, it,s hard work, awful, but it is helping me become less triggered, so I don,t agree and not many can just live up their jobs. If untreated the stress could get worse and thats more likely to end in a bad way not the other way around. As for that professional an abrupt manner is an abrupt manner and says alot more about the person with it, then the person on the recieving end

 

[BloomInWinter]

There's a difference between wanting to remain employed to be out in the world, or wanting to be employed in a highly stressful, conflict-laden job because one is still addicted to excitement.

I know this because for far too many years, I was addicted to the excitement. I was an adrenaline junkie, and now my failed adrenals have paid the price. The constant stress and excitement was a great way for me to never have to slow down enough to face myself, but it wasn't healthy nor did it bring me career success.

Being addicted to excitement means be in an active addiction. Hence, the first stage of trauma therapy, stabilization, cannot succeed. It is appropriate to draw a patient's attention to a constant issue in his/her life.

She wasn't ordering you to quit, but she was laying down the terms of continuing in trauma therapy. The therapist did no different than one telling a patient she has to quit hanging out in bars or she can't continue treatment for alcoholism.

It is your choice. I do hope you'll ask yourself why it has to be a stressful job which regularly undermines your health. That question needs to be answered before any trauma therapy can be undertaken safely.