Therapist Told Me To Leave Him

[Tafis]

I've dated people for whom my "stuff" is challenging, a perk, and no big deal.

I've dated different people for whom the exact same "stuff" destroys them, ruins their lives/outlook on life, and in lesser ways is simply hugely disruptive.

Same me. Same stuff. But their needs are different. Not everyone is cut out for the pragmatic day in and day out of everything. Whether that's PTSD or any other disorder, lifestyle choices, etc.

I think that if your counselor is saying that you need to leave your partner, it warrants some thought. They may be right. Or they may be completely wrong. But it does deserve some honest appraisal.

 

[Nisiko]

Thank you all for your input. I would like to point out that this was my first session with this therapist. I am of the opinion that she certainly doesn't have enough information herself at this point to be telling me to run. And yes, she did say "Run!"

 

[Hoso]

Hmm, I would take more time to talk with her about it. Try a second session and if you still feel like it's not a good fit, then consult with someone else.

 

[Nisiko]

Kidur has made a good point. Some more information then: I spent most of the first session describing my childhood and my relationship (that's what she wanted to hear about first), and not very much time talking about my current relationship. I think maybe that my therapist is saying I should leave him because she picked up that my father was emotionally distant when I was little (we have a good relationship now though) - something to do with that.

I feel uncomfortable with her being so forthright about me leaving him because she was also pretty black and white in her views about why I am who I am - based on what I told her about my childhood (and to be clear - I was not abused or neglected by my parents or any other family member when I was a child). I'm not sure I agree with all of what she said about my family. The fact that she came to her conclusions so quickly rings alarm bells with me.

I think I will take Hoso's advice though, and try another session, and see if I can get/give some clarification. Thank you all.

 

[Nisiko]

Sorry, that second sentence should read: I spent most of the first session describing my childhood and my relationship with my parents.

 

[Wozi]

Im a firm believer in trusting your insticts. If you aren't comfortable with your T, it won't work. I went to one T who treated my ex-sufferers isolation like it was deliberate emotional abuse. I remember telling her I was worried about him and she said, "and do you think he's given you even one thought? I doubt it."

I immediately started looking for someone else and found someone who gives me opinions, but never tells me what to do. She showed me respect and respect for my situation.

I don't think a good T tells you to run if your not in danger. Especially so quickly. Just my opinion.

 

[Obugi]

Tafis here, after your update:

Run... To a new therapist.

 

[Nisiko]

Yes Wozi - that is what this therapist is doing too. I told her that he is a really nice guy, but has PTSD and struggles to maintain - however he is working hard in therapy and he is honest with me about what's going on with him. Yes, I do find it really hard to cope sometimes when he isolates, but I believe he is trying his best. And her reply was: "No, he is NOT a nice guy." WTF??

 

[Hoso]

That is messed up. Run from her. I said earlier to give it another try, but I've changed my mind, don't waste another moment

 

[Afof]

Yes, RUN!!!!

She has no clue what ptsd is like. Your guy is trying and that's what counts. Don't let a bad therapist mess up your life!

 

[Umate]

Exactly, she obviously has very limited knowledge or understanding of PTSD. Because it was such a big factor in my life, I deliberately saught a T with experience in treating PTSD.

It helps that my T has a real understanding of it. She stresses accountability, but has corrected me when I connect my emotional drivers to his PTSD. She helps me and gives me insight, but never pushes her opinions on me.

Definitely find a new therapist.

 

[Gewiruc]

Roger that. The search continues then.....