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Therapy flunkie

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Oh god I'd find that harsh - your therapist needs to be able to put their work down at the end of the d...
I understand this at some level. I also think that maybe I am the problem and not him. The thought of starting over is so hard. It is like I have wasted a year with this guy. It has taken me months to carry on a casual conversation with him. To switch therapists would mean going through that all over again...so hard....
 
He said he cares deeply about his patients, but that it is not his job to take their suffering outside of session. He said that it took him about two years to learn that skill. His job is not to feel their hurt, but to facilitate progress.

I understand completely what your T is saying here. Early in my life I was a medic. I never learned the skill of keeping some emotional distance from my patients. I burned out because their pain was my pain. I had to change trades.

Therapists need to be able to keep some detachment the same way doctors do. A doctor can acknowledge the pain of your broken leg without having to 'feel' the pain. Your T only needs to acknowledge your pain, not carry it too. Thats too big a burden for anyone.
 
I'm right up there with @desiderata310
It took me about 3.5-4 years to really dig in and start to do the hard work. It wasn't anything that my therapist was or wasn't doing, it was my resistance and fear. Big time fear. I am still not 100% open with her and I now understand that these defenses are decades old. I guess if you feel frustrated that it is so difficult, consider what you endured that impacted you in this manner. It's worth the work. When I do open up and share something in an literate string of words to compose revealing sentences, it's a big win for me! Keep some self-compassion in the front of you, because the work you are doing is difficult and you are strong and courageous for pursuing it.
 
My therapist has a whole file folder of paintings . When I sit home alone with no pressure, no objective and paint it gets formed there, then we approach it in office through the asking of questions. He will suggest we stop at times if he sees it's going to go too much to agitated and not productive conversation. Either way, painting works for me. Sometimes I take his pen and his clipboard and comment there. Other times he says something and I may nod or just look at him. Sometimes what he emails to me is the best because I can read it a thousand times until I make sense of it and it's so much less threatening.
 
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What makes you think it's you? I ask because everything you've said about how you feel in therapy and w...
I guess I say that because I attempted this years ago, and the scenario was about the same. That time, I did feel like the therapist genuinely cared, yet I still did not talk much. Another therapist asked during our first session if I was mute (also our last session). This one, I have been able to tolerate for almost a year. Only one other have I stuck with for that long (about 15 years ago). So, maybe the therapist is not the problem...
 
Another therapist asked during our first session if I was mute (also our last session)
WHAT a dick head.

Look, fact is, I have a similar problem. The only way we get anything done is because I write outside of therapy and send it to him. That seems to be the only way I can communicate what the hell is going on with me.

Maybe that's an approach you could try? Write it down and bring it with you or email it?
 
WHAT a dick head.

Look, fact is, I have a similar problem. The only way we get anything done is...
If I could hit "like" and remain anonymous, I would.

I have tried the email route. I have answered many of his session questions in the car, via email after session. He does not reapond generally, and he never brings them up again.

I have even emailed him that I I have a hard time answering in person, and that I would like to see it brought up again in session (based on my email response). Until a few weeks ago, he never would.

I have fretted for an entire week over things he said that we would discuss "next time" only to have them never mentioned again.

A couple of times, he acknowledged receiving an email, but said that he wishes I could discuss, in person, what I was able to write. I think he may not want to encourage emailing because he thinks I wont talk in person then. I am not sure.
 
I don't have that problem. For the most part my T has a hard time stopping me from talking. I have told him enough that he knows I have had Lots of trauma's in my life. I have still not told him the worst of what happened and I avoid that part the best I can. It is something that I have been judged for in the past and I am not sure if I will ever be able to talk about it for fear of being judged again.
I failed to get through therapy once before and quit. It was making me worse and I was getting really sick from all the different medications. I couldn't take it anymore, I went away and hope I would die. I lost everything I loved and needed. I didn't die I did manage to survive for several years not in good shape but I was ok until I broke again. Now I am back in therapy without medication. It has not been going good it has no consistency it is on and off too much. I am thinking of not continuing therapy again also.
 
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