Therapy Has Uncovered Past Trauma

[Srain]

(((((((((((((((((KP)))))))))))))))))
It certainly sounds like a lot is being pushed up into your consciousness and that can certainly be terrifying :(
You can ask to stop the EMDR for a few sessions and just talk about what is going on. I had EMDR several years ago and it can be a severe experience full of high emotional memories which need resolution.

I feel for you and have you in my thoughts, knowing you well linked ;)
Rain

 

[KP the nut]

(((((((((((((((((KP)))))))))))))))))
It certainly sounds like a lot is being pushed up into your consciousness and that can certainly be terrifying :(
You can ask to stop the EMDR for a few sessions and just talk about what is going on.

I only have two sessions of therapy left and I so desperately need to clear/deal/cope with this. T asked me yesterday when I was mute with fear and crying what I was thinking, I told him I'd like to throw the damn vibrators at him and run out of the room. He thanked me for my restraint - it did lift the atmoshphere.

Sh*t it is so hard.

 

[Heather]

Kath - I think you are so very, very BRAVE to be facing these feelings! You go Girl!

felt that I am unworthy of love, that I deserve to be abandoned and to feel like a failure.

I couldn't face them. I still can't and that's after 2 years of being with the same therapist. He's probably the person that I trust the most in the whole world right now. Yet, I can't allow myself to go there I walked out of his office a couple of weeks ago 'cause I couldn't handle it but you are!.

I know it is so painful to acknowledge that those feelings exist. I know how it feels to grow up without a father and to feel worthless and like you don't deserve anything good in life. But I also know that through the pain IS HEALING.

I think you are a remarkable woman with amazing courage and strength. Keep up the necessary but painful work Kath.

Hugs. Lots and Lots of healing hugs to you my friend.

Heather.

 

[Heather]

I told him I'd like to throw the damn vibrators at him and run out of the room. He thanked me for my restraint - it did lift the atmoshphere..

And humor Kath - never lose that sense of humor! That is funny. Just remember if you need any batteries for your vibrators just ask Gloria;);):eek::D hehe.

Or if you really need to relax I'm sure she'll let you drive her tractor:inlove::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao: I crack myself up!

 

[AngelaMarie]

(((KP)))
I know how hard this must be for you. I wish I could help more. You know how much I care! You are so strong, loving and caring! You are very much cared for and have much support here on the forum and in your everyday life. Remember that in this hard time, ok?

 

[KP the nut]

And humor Kath - never lose that sense of humor! That is funny. Just remember if you need any batteries for your vibrators

T actually keeps his own supply of batteries, in fact in 2 different sessions I've worn the batteries out and he has had to replace them.

 

[LizBeth1]

Hi Kath - have had similar exp with EMDR. We were doing the set-up/practice to get me acclimated to various ways we could approach it, and my T placed the metal panel with lights in front of me. To my surprise, the machinery triggered me. It took a while to figure out what it was, but it turned out to be an experience of being 2 years old in the ER (I'd swallowed my babysitter's heart medication), my parents out of town, and being held down on the pediatric table. Lights from various monitors flickering here and there... I had no idea the EMDR machine could trigger me like this, and I also had no idea that that memory was unresolved and causing me problems 40 years later!

So it was good that we identified this as an issue, and it has been a couple of months and we have not tried eye movement since then because we know we have to proceed with care there. But we're still getting a lot accomplished even without doing actual eye movement. There is a lot of grounding work and inner child work that can be done in the meantime to help stabilize you, so that you can build up to going back into those spaces from a more grounded perspective. As my T says, "making haste slowly." Eye movement is not all there is to EMDR, I'm finding -- my T says that the prep work is about 80% of the task, and the actual eye movement (or however you choose to do the biostimulation) is actually a small part of it.

So work in small increments -- and much luck to you!

LB

 

[KP the nut]

Hi Kath - have had similar exp with EMDR. We were doing the set-up/practice to get me acclimated to various ways we could approach it, and my T placed the metal panel with lights in front of me. To my surprise, the machinery triggered me. It took a while to figure out what it was, but it turned out to be an experience of being 2 years old in the ER (I'd swallowed my babysitter's heart medication), my parents out of town, and being held down on the pediatric table. Lights from various monitors flickering here and there... I had no idea the EMDR machine could trigger me like this, and I also had no idea that that memory was unresolved and causing me problems 40 years later!

Thanks LB, I'm sorry it had that affect.

My T doesn't use the light board. Initially we did hand tapping, my eyes followed his hand tapping mine. We now use vibrating paddles (about the size of a flat walnut), one in each hand. T adjusts the spped and intensity, it feels like holding a vibrating phone. I close my eyes and follow the vibrations as they switch from hand to hand. Maybe your T could try a different method?

I'm now gathering the courage to face the day, shower, dress, walk the dogs, eat oh and of course go cack to T.

Take care
KP

 

[KP the nut]

I survived the session. I faced what I thought I couldn't, it is so hard. I can't find the words to describe the session except I am so grateful to have a T who knows what to say and do to prevent me being stuck in the memory.

I was left in so much physical pain but he guided me through a visualisation exercise which was a huge help.

Feeling drained and a bit numb now though.