Therapy Or Tea And Sympathy?

[Lucycat]

I have noticed on here, and elsewhere that many people pay a fortune for their therapy.

I have also read - and maybe it was being said jokingly IDK - that for the amount of money people are paying they would at least expect a cup of tea during their therapy sessions.

This has set me thinking about people's expectations of therapy.

I know for me, a cup of tea would turn it into a 'tea break'. It would have the wrong feel. I can have a cup of tea and sympathy at any time with friends and family. From my therapist I want therapy. I want to work hard, I need to be challenged.

In my 18- no it is now 20 months of therapy, I can honestly say there has not been one time when I would have wanted to interrupt it by a cuppa. I think it would confuse the thoughts and feelings that I have been trying to get to grips with, to introduce the sense of taste into the mix.

In therapy I am getting the benefit of knowledge, enthusiasm and experience of my therapist, and I value every minute of it. I didn't get to where I am today by sitting back and drinking tea.

 

[anon]

I'm really confused by this :confused: Is it serious? Um. I can't imagine randomly breaking up therapy session to go drink tea. Sorry for my response lol it was just really instinctive. It was a head scratcher.

Anyway uh... No. But maybe there are like those people who have coffee machines in their lobbies or w/e? My therapist will drink coffee sometimes. He offers it to me but I guess like you say, it is too distracting, so I always say no. Even though it's not a "break" (like just drinking it during the session) I would still find it too distracting.

 

[Lucycat]

my therapist will drink coffee sometimes. he offers it to me but I guess like you say, it is too distracting, so I always say no. even though its not a "break" (like just drinking it during the session) i would still find it too distracting.

That is exactly my point. To be honest I would find it distracting if my T were drinking too - I had not even considered that in my first post!

I'm really confused by this :confused: is it serious?

Actually I am not sure if the people I had read about were serious or not. It just horrified me to think that if you pay more some people expect their therapy session to be cushioned with 'luxuries' like the cuppa.

 

[anon]

I remember the post that said "if you pay that much he should make you tea and hold you", if that is the one you are referencing? I'm inclined to believe that was probably an exaggeration, not meant to highlight the tea and holding, but rather to highlight that the therapist was probably insensitive or something. Like you know? "Instead of being such a jerk, you're paying so much, he should treat you much better". Which isn't too bad of a sentiment really. Like, for the money some people pay for therapy it should be a no brainer that the therapist be competent. I can't comment too much cause I don't pay a cent for mine and he is fairly competent lol except yeaaaah the coffee drinking is totally distracting sometimes. Whenver we get into something heavy I'm like "Shhhhh... I can hear you slurping. Gross."

 

[Lucycat]

I tend to agree with you that the post was an exageration. However I truly believe you should get top quality therapy whatever you pay - or not. I too do not pay for therapy. Nonetheless I have, and expect a very high standard from my T. Otherwise what is the point?

You read time and again of people NOT doing well in therapy. I believe that has a lot to do with the quality of the therapy being offered, and also sometimes a poor client/T relationship. It allows people to rubbish therapy and say it doesn't work. They become discouraged, demotivated and continue to live with and tolerate symptoms that can be improved.

My T always comes to see me at home. Next time I will pause half way through the session and offer him a cuppa:p
If he gets the joke he will probably throw it over me!:dance:

 

[anndeb]

I couldn't agree more with this Brucielucy.. T is too important not to be of high quality, or search for it no matter what price can be afforded.

I go to a local mental health clinic and have to pay very little for my T, have no choice in who I get but have landed with a T who is excellent, thank the good Lord. I had had the misfortune of being assigned a very poor one before her but summed up the courage to speak up about it (with help of friends who told me what to say).. that it simply was not a good match for me.. I cannot say enuf about how much she has helped me. Good T's are worth their weight in gold I think. :)

 

[Lisa]

I don't know the post that is being referred to so I can't comment on that. But I totally agree that whether it is paid therapy or not, it should be therapy at a high standard. That should be automatic. I also agree with the fact that when therapy isn't going well it comes down to the relationship. Also people's expectations of what therapy is and is not can vary but I think it is the therapist's job to make what therapy is and is not clear in the first place.

I pay for therapy but I don't pay much, it's just what I can afford. I don't expect any better treatment for it. When I was looking at which therapist to go with I was almost offended by the expensive ones who had REALLY kitted out rooms with the unnecessarily super expensive furniture etc. If I could afford it, I still wouldn't pay for it. It just seemed a little like that was some of what my money would be paying for, and personally speaking I think there's probably a lot of truth in that. Renting rooms in really nice buildings here in the UK means therapists have higher costs, and therefore often charge more to meet those costs. Some expensive therapists here do have all the little extra's and the people who pay to see them are the people who can afford those extra's. I'm not sure how I feel about that, it seems a bit wrong to me. Kind of like they go for the 'market' that can afford to pay the most. But that's just my personal feeling on it, I find that kind of money based exclusivity offensive when therapy should be accessible to all. I want therapy in a room that gives the privacy for that - not an hour on the best chair and room decorations money can buy.

But I have to put my hand up and say... My therapist and I drink tea during therapy! It started because he would make himself tea to have during the session and once offered me one and I figured well if he is, then I will! Now when I arrive he has a cup of tea ready and waiting for me. I take it as a friendly and kind gesture to help me get straight into the therapy. For me as the therapy is incredibly hard, and difficult, and he does not beat around the bush, the cup gives me something to cling onto! He often looks at my hands to see if I'm gripping the cup. It allows me to remember that he is helping me, not going to hurt me. I'm incredibly uncomfortable with talking, and the cup of tea makes it a less scary experience for me somehow. I think it comes down to the person and really, and for me I've found the whole cup of tea thing to be unexpectedly therepeutic and facilitative of therapy.

But I can see how for some it could easier become a chit chat rather than therapy, or be distracting too. And if he was to slurp, that would be gross and distracting to me too!! I did once take a sip only to miss my mouth, and when he looked at me I had tea dripping off my chin. Yeuch! That was embarrassing. Like the time I knocked the cup over and was then mopping up the tea off the floor with tissues!! So at times it's not an ideal thing!

 

[SimplyComplex]

I always bring a drink to therapy. Coffee in the winter, smoothies or water in the summer. T is always drinking *something* out of a closed coffee cup. my niece's office offers water or coffee. My husband's t gets him a cup of coffee sometimes. Not sure what the big deal is with drinking in therapy? My throat gets dry with all that talking :) I can assure you I work plenty hard and I dont find the drink distracting at all. To me it almost seems weird someone wouldn't want a beverage while talking non-stop for an hour.

 

[SimplyComplex]

lol to Dippy, I was really fidgety one day and poured water down my shirt twice in therapy. LOL I thought it was kind of funny though.

 

[Lucycat]

I am starting to think I am out on a limb with this.

In my therapy sessions we focus a lot on what I am feeling - or not feeling. It is about the sensations I am trying to experience and recognise in relation to whatever we are discussing. There is not so much talk, as thinking about particular memories and trying to relate them to physical sensations. Occasionally there has been an unpleasant feeling and my T will tell me to simply 'let it go'. I could not do that with a cup - or anything else in my hand. This would confuse the physical sensation of the cup/drink.

When I lose it, he will ground me by telling me to feel the seat under me, and the floor under my feet. Static, stable objects in my present.

I concentrate so fully on my therapy, and cannot imagine the distraction of spilling/ dribbling/ slurping. I would not have a drink during a consultation with any other medical practitioner. I would not expect to be offered one. I would not expect my GP or the Practice Nurse to drink when I am trying to tell them my concerns. I want them to be focussed on me and my concerns.I want full attention, and expect to give the same in return.

I hear that most of you do not agree with me. Probably think I am pedantic, and over the top. But my Therapy is just SO important to me, and to my T, that I do not want to waste any precious second of it. When my T is here I turn off the TV or radio, close my book or laptop. I switch off the telephone. We do not drink. Mutual respect I call it.

 

[Lisa]

Hi Brucielucy

I can understand what you are saying. There are times when my therapist uses techniques that require the total attention in the way you mean at which point all cups go down on the table. But I find that level of attention extremely anxiety provoking and I can't do it for long at all, it needs breaking up with something I can handle. My biggest issue with therapy is staying calm enough to have any conversation around the specifics. If I were to think about my feelings while thinking about specific memories, at the moment I would just not be able to do it without freaking out. In that scenario, drinking from a cup is almost an offensive thought. Or it certainly would be if my therapist drank at that point, and I wouldn't be in any position to do that at that point myself. So I see your point.

I don't think you are pedantic or over the top of anything of the sort. Your therapy is your therapy and it's important to you, like mine is to me, and how people most comfortably do things will naturally differ. My understanding is there are many types of therapy and every therapist will practice slightly differently, and the techniques used in the therapy vary approach to approach and also at what stage the therapy is at with the person. Each therapist will approach a person by tailoring their approach to the person's needs, or that is how I understand it anyway. So the whole 'how it's done' is context, person, and also culturally specific. Nothing right or wrong about that, all that matters is that the therapy helps :)

 

[Nyx]

You are not over the top. People just have different perceptions.

I never noticed, but my T always has a cup of tea or coffee on the table in front of her, but she never drinks during therapy. Sometimes she will grab the bottle of water from the table, but she doesn't drink. This last session I brought a bottle with me to drink - never done it before. And you're right, it's distracting. Every time I was trying to avoid something I would reach for my bottle. I don't think I will bring it in with me anymore...