Therapy rupture part 2

[Skywatcher]

It’s the one year anniversary of a bad rupture with my therapist, but instead of celebrating progress I feel like we rehashed some of it. And it ended “messy.” I feel like it’s all ruined again. Then she didn’t have any extra appointments this week. She said we’ll work through it, but I just want to erase it. Things were good just a few weeks ago and now I feel like I’m on a tightrope over a pit of darkness. We have been working on abandonment all year. It’s interwoven into everything.

How can I fix this?

 

[Innordinate]

How can I fix this?

I don't think u do?

I think you have a good t she'll help you do it.
I dunno.

I had that same thing happen with my p-doc in june and didn't see her until september, swore I was going to go into that appointment and not bring up the shit from june....... and she did instead and helped make it better.

Write notes about how you feel now to address at next appointment?
And sometimes, you need a therapy break. Maybe.

 

[Rumors]

Why "fix" it? Why not sit with it a while and see if it takes on a new dimension? Perhaps it isn't something that needs to be fixed, but rather needs growth. Fixing implies it's broken. Not all things that feel messy are bad or wrong.
Hang in there!

 

[Skywatcher]

I just wonder if her feelings about me as a client have changed? I came in and started talking about how therapy ends. I wanted to know if I can actually heal from past wounds or if I’m just learning to deal with them. I said that maybe the attachment isn’t good because it would be too painful to ever leave. Then we talked about last year and she asked if I’m comfortable with our communication set up. I said mostly. I said that I wanted two small changes and she said that her gut is telling her that I’m not ready for those. This made me feel that she is continuing to label me as mentally ill in an area that I feel that I have made a great deal of progress. I said that if she doesn’t trust me to be well how can I ever be well. And now I’m thinking it was all trivial and I really don’t need those changes and this whole session was pointless and hurtful. This is what I continue to sit with and she doesn’t have time to work it out.

 

[scout86]

she doesn’t have time to work it out.

You mean she doesn't have time this week, right?

One of the totally unexpected things I'm learning from my T is that it's possible to have things get messed up in a relationship and the relationship still ok.

Her trusting you to be well has nothing to do with your wellness, does it? And her gut telling her that you're not ready for something yet doesn't mean her gut is right, or, if it is, it doesn't mean you'll never ready. A relationship is a ongoing conversation that ebbs and flows. Nothing is the end of the world. (Except the end of the world)

 

[Skywatcher]

A relationship is a ongoing conversation that ebbs and flows. Nothing is the end of the world. (Except the end of the world)

Thank you. This is so helpful and so difficult for my black and white thinking to comprehend. And the last part made me laugh, which was a nice break from my inner panic that she plans to leave.

 

[NightSky]

Sessions aren’t sessions in isolation. It’s an ongoing process, discussion, journey, etc. my friend reminded me of that last night when I left my session frustrated and wanting to give up and not wanting to wait until next week to work it out. I think the advice to sit with it and maybe journal and see where it takes you. Next session you’ll be better prepared mentally and emotionally. I’ve never seen my T more than once a week. Sometimes that’s super hard because I need a second session to process the first. But she keeps it that way for a reason. It allows the process room to breathe and unfold.

 

[Skywatcher]

I ended up asking for a quick phone call. We talked and she felt just as badly about yesterday as I did. We both were wishing for a redo. I’m guessing there was some counter-transference involved. It really helped me to know that her feelings about me as her client hadn’t instantly changed which is what it had felt like. We are keeping the boundaries in place, she worded it differently though. (I said that I wished she hadn’t asked me how I felt about it now since I feel ready for a slight change and she wasn’t planning to change it). She told me that she wants to keep them in place because I’m progressing. I said that’s fine.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I just wonder if her feelings about me as a client have changed? I came in and started talking about how therapy ends. I wanted to know if I can actually heal from past wounds or if I’m just learning to deal with them. I said that maybe the attachment isn’t good because it would be too painful to ever leave. Then we talked about last year and she asked if I’m comfortable with our communication set up. I said mostly. I said that I wanted two small changes and she said that her gut is telling her that I’m not ready for those. This made me feel that she is continuing to label me as mentally ill in an area that I feel that I have made a great deal of progress. I said that if she doesn’t trust me to be well how can I ever be well. And now I’m thinking it was all trivial and I really don’t need those changes and this whole session was pointless and hurtful. This is what I continue to sit with and she doesn’t have time to work it out.

Therapists are people. I walked into the office and said, "I need to work on the things that are in this Dissociation book....and my T said, "You know that already..." I said I was ready to start working on phase 2 work, and my therapist said intuitively, she didn't believe so.....that's it.....I think I was too attached to my last T.....and she never challenged me. So, got a new one....and she's like night and day in comparison and keeps appt times....I mean I'm on time...so is she. So, a change can be refreshing.

 

[Skywatcher]

Therapists are people. I walked into the office and said, "I need to work on the things that are in this Dissociation book....and my T said, "You know that already..." I said I was ready to start working on phase 2 work, and my therapist said intuitively, she didn't believe so.....that's it.....I think I was too attached to my last T.....and she never challenged me. So, got a new one....and she's like night and day in comparison and keeps appt times....I mean I'm on time...so is she. So, a change can be refreshing.

Don’t need a change here. Just trying to face some stuff. Usual transference and triggers is unavoidable. I’m learning how to do relationships, developmental trauma stuff.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Don’t need a change here. Just trying to face some stuff. Usual transference and triggers is unavoidable. I’m learning how to do relationships, developmental trauma stuff.

Yeah, I hate that transference......it's hard but necessary.

 

[grit]

If you think it is transference what do u do with the knowledge? When do u recognize it is transference? What is the difference between your transference and your experience with ur therapist?