These Are The Days I Hate

[Grizzly]

These are the types of days I hate so much. I've never understood this. A wave of darkness has taken over me this evening. Right now, I want to drink. Something strong to numb. This is not pain. It's not regret. It's not depression. Simple hate is all that I can explain.

This isn't the proper forum. Or is it?

4 hours ago I felt in total control. Now all I want to be is out of control.

 

[Grizzly]

Mood swings. I hate them. They come in without warning. Why?

I feel like Mr. Hyde. Something clawing at me.

It isn't suicidal. But I feel that I don't want to exist. Reboot!

I want to scream.

This is a f*cking plague.

 

[atilla]

What happened Bro? Do you know what may have triggered it?

 

[Grizzly]

I haven't got clue.

 

[atilla]

Ive only just started to identify some of the things that sets me off...like news from the sandbox or trashcanistan..Ive been where you are brother, alcohol can either take the edge off or fuel the fire. It was/is 50-50, for me still.

 

[holdenmonty]

It's a real bitch sometimes. I had one of those days yesterday. I woke up and could just feel that it was gonna be a shitty day. Just showing up to work was an accomplishment to me and when my supervisor reminded me of some stuff I need to work on I felt like verbally ripping her head off and every little thing set me of like pouring gasoline on a fire

 

[holdenmonty]

Do what you can to relax like music or a walk or breathing exercises those usually help me and just remind yourself that tomorrow is a new day

 

[Friday]

I dunno. I think it's the right forum. Hate/rage/fury ...pain... Gets directed outward or inward.

Least for me, if I don't vent it somehow, it gets inside and turns into despair. Fury & pain I can still deal with. Despair and pain?

______ Grain of salt, below ______

Go kiss your wife, Grizz. Reconnect. Best damn grounding tool I've ever come across.

 

[dutchiedelta]

Ceasing to exist in order to make that feeling go away.
Right forum.
As Friday said, often better to get it in the open. Before it festers into an extra bad memory.

 

[Grizzly]

Thanks all. Woke up about an hour ago all good. I have never understood these mood swings. But seems when they hit its a tornado of feelings. Even though I know I am in control mostly I still feel out of control.

One thing, I never can pinpoint a trigger. It's just...snap. I'm there.

 

[Grizzly]

I keep wanting to explain this to my T. The ideations. I am so afraid they'll come lock me up immediately. They already want me to do inpatient treatment. Now way, no how.

 

[holdenmonty]

I'm with you there grizzly I have had similar mood swing type stuff but your right I'm a little afraid they will lock me up in the mental ward