@Ayesha, despite your current struggles, (perhaps) feelings of doubt and disappointment, and the roller coaster of emotions -
you have not lost the great progress you have made!!
I understand that might be difficult to hold onto and/or believe, but it is the truth, and I will hold onto it for you until you are ready to reclaim it.
Yes, it will get better again.
From other threads, I know you know some of the first steps you need to take to get back on your game, so to speak. So you have a staying point. From there, I think the next steps will reveal themselves to you.
You may find it helpful to write out a list of the things that are not currently going the way you want them to, or things you have stopped doing that you were enjoying, or were helpful in bringing you a sense or routine and order. You could even take it a step further, and beside each item, write the things, or steps you would need to take to either change the circumstance, or begin doing that thing again. Just some ideas. :)
@Ayesha, you are smart and capable. I know it seems like forever when you're stuck in a rut, but it has only been a month (maybe two?) since you were in such a good and stable place - you were feeling good, and confident in yourself, finding out what an excellent student you can be, you were stepping out of your comfort zone and making new connections, you got a mentor (who really isn't gone, despite the hurt and confusion surrounding your last encounter), you began to make peace and maybe even find a little bit of pride in your heritage - I could really go on!
My point is, none of those things are gone, or erased, just because you're having a bit of a rough patch! The progress has still been made, those accomplishments are still yours!
You can do this, and things WILL get better. Often times, first step is the hardest, but you CAN do it!
:hug: