Things my t does that help me - what about you?

[ThisLifeIsBeautiful]

So, I thought it might be cool to start a thread with things our therapists do that help us. I have seen over a dozen therapists in my life and have finally found one that works for me. who meets me where I am at and who does, in my opinion, more than the average clinician. I'm also at a point where I'm willing to engage and be honest in a way that I was not in my younger years and that can't hurt either.

I've noticed many people on this site struggle with therapy and their therapists in particular. With connecting and really making progress - I mean, it's super hard, if it was easy everybody would do it! I'm thinking that if we share things that help us in T, maybe we can share ideas - and if you see one that sounds like it would help you, maybe your T will be willing to do it with you/for you.

So, I've been with my current T for a little shy of a year. Aside from her knowledge and competence, especially with trauma... there's a few little things she does that help me a lot:

1) Stickers!! Remember as a kid when you went to the doctor and you got a sticker on your way out? Well, my T started giving me stickers after each session. It's not just for me, but I am one of very few clients who actually likes it and doesn't think it's super lame. lol. For me it's become documentation of my progress because I stick them in the inside cover of my journal. Watching it slowly fill up is a visual reminder of how hard I'm trying and how long I've stuck with treatment. My front cover is almost totally full. Really small thing that brings a smile to my face even after really tough sessions.

2) Plants are everywhere. In the lobby, bathroom and in her personal office. It brings me peace and comfort.

3) Snacks and water. Water is always available in the lobby and so are healthy snacks. It's nice.

4) on a more therapeutic note - she doesn't make suggestions or try to "fix" things. When I drop a bomb, or a get really upset - rather than try to make it go away or make it all better as fast as possible, she will validate my feelings (unless i'm wayyy off base) and will just sit in that space with me. It helps me process and feel and identify the thing that's upsetting, instead of pushing it away.

5) I truly feel as a partner in the work. Not like work is being done to me. I know we're a team, it never feels one sided.

So these are all things she does that stick out to me as helpful and unique compared to other T's I've seen in the past. I would love to hear about some of the things y'alls therapists do for you or provide that help make the experience better or more worthwhile.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I love this idea for a thread!

My T comes out to the waiting room to get me. Every single time. It used to make me uncomfortable but it's just such a cool thing to me now. She could just come a little ways and motion for me but she makes the effort to come get me. I like it.

She is always on time. Sometimes 1 minute late but never more. I like that even if I get there 10-15 min early I know she is in her office preparing for me. There is no client before my time. She prepares to be as calm and present as possible. That's great.

She has great style. Her clothes and her office. I love it.

She is unbelievably kind and respectful. She will never engage in an argument or get upset with me. She has patience for days.

She rarely forgets things and never important ones.

She has never been distracted in session. And she is the best listener ever. My mission in life is to be even half the listener she is. She will never interrupt, either. I do sometimes but I've gotten better.

She keeps the focus on me. Like she takes that so seriously. It is all about me but she will indulge in some small talk when I ask her about her life sometimes.

She CARES.

She makes me bring stuff up. I hate that so much but it's good for me. I waited 2 years for her to ask me certain things. *I* have to be the one to begin hard conversations, although she will certainly help.

She replies to emails promptly and has the BEST grammar. Without fail. I love that. She also signs it "warmly," which is so her.

She accepts me however I show up. And I show up differently a lot of the time based on anxiety or insecurity or level of upset. And she will always treat me the same way.

She reminds me to treat myself kindly and with compassion. I need the reminders and she delivers.

Her and I have a lot in common. That's just cool and makes me like her more.

I could go on but I think you get the point. She's amazing and I never want to leave lol.

 

[Lucycat]

My T gives me duck eggs for my baking.

More importantly he hears me, and understands what constitutes a crisis.

 

[NightSky]

I love this topic too!
*My T lets me email her and sometimes my messages can get really long. I always preface with a "please print and bring to session to read there" if it's long but she always has them read and is ready to talk about them.
*She's funny.
*She divulges quite a lot about herself when she feels it will help me trust her more, and it has, because she has experienced a lot of the same things I have.
*She catches me very quickly if I start to dissociate, and either brings me back or switches topics quickly to keep me there with her.
*She gives me books to read constantly.
*she is extremely validating and empathetic..two things I'm working on receiving from her and not deflecting with humor or defensiveness.
*we have a bit of a dual relationship and know a ton of the same people- and she is kind to everyone who knows her.
*she reassures with without my asking that she isn't going anywhere, even when I don't realize that's what I need to hear.
I could go on as well..I'm so grateful for her.

 

[mrsmegan]

I love my T.

He loves and cares for me (appropriately) and is willing to hug me and hold my hand to allow me to open up and cry. He is beyond patient and has never given up on me.

 

[Deleted member 42320]

Love this thread and such great ideas. I'm fairly new to therapy so when I find it difficult to speak I figet like crazy. All it to to calm me was her handing me a ball of play doh. Didn't make me talk but calmed my but down. Lol
On cold days she brews tea for us so we can sip and talk
She quickly changes topics when she sees me zoning out into space

 

[Lee2001]

Very good topic! I liked reading all of the responses:) I like that my T talks more when I am having a hard time doing it. That I don't have to feel too awkward for too long in the moment! I like that T does change subjects when I need a break. That he cares, and you can just tell he likes his job and is not just there for a paycheck. I like that he is older, much older ( grandfather like) so I don't feel uncomfortable with a man due to past history. And I like that he is a good story teller, or interesting to listen to so I can stay present and engaged easier:)!

 

[Muted]

My t is always safe for me. She not just listens, but hears me. She has an amazing memory. I trust her, because she has more than earned my trust.

 

[Deleted member 42665]

Well, I knew before I met him, he was a perfect match for me. Here's why. I struggle with bad anxiety when getting lost, so on my first scheduled appointment, I got lost, and I called him, crying on the phone, freaking out, and not only did he talk me calmly down from the panic state, and helped me get back to the main road to head home but he offered to let me try again in a few days and would not charge me

Since then, he has been so kind, always reassuring me that he is OK with emails and happily replies to them. Allows me to call his cell during a crisis if I "just need to talk" ... gave me a crazy discount on the fees because he knows I am struggling with money issues, allows me to bring my dog to session with me, constantly laughs and jokes around with me so I feel more at ease and he sits on the floor with me. I prefer it for some reason and he never complains, just happily joins me on the floor for sessions. He also gives me the option of outside sessions, because I also like that over chairs.

 

[Eagle3]

My T does all kinds of safe touch as well as talking, so that helps me tremendously. The post-session hug has become our favorite ritual!

He loves dogs too, so I used to bring my SD prospect to sessions with me. I don't anymore, but that abused GSD just loved my T, and T was great rehabilitation for the dog.

He cuts me an amazing deal on his fees, because we are both Martial Artists and I go to his Aikido classes when I can afford to. He considers my attendance at his dojo to be part of my therapy :-)

I can text and email him whenever I need to, although he may not answer back unless absolutely necessary.

He's beginning to open up as a mentor to me since I'm starting to build my Life-Coaching practice. We exchange resources and business practices, and he gives me tips on how to be an effective coach. He's even told me how jealous he is, because he likes the reduced boundaries afforded to coaches. His support in this endeavor is absolutely vital, and I could not be more appreciative of his validation of my skills and aptitudes.

He is one of the few therapists in my state that practice Energy Healing and Traditional Chinese Medicine as well as western psychotherapy. Getting regular accu-pressure treatments and chi-point work is so helpful!

His ability to be real in session is a huge help. He knows I can see through the clinical mask, so he doesn't really try that hard to keep it in place with me. He is careful to stay well within clinical boundaries, but he's quick to share personal stories and his own insecurities if he feels it helps me in any way. His ability to show the same issues that I deal with, and his way of learning to live and be a success in spite of them, have helped me more than anything else.

 

[FindingMyself88]

I like the idea of this thread.

I like that my T is willing to share personal stories of her own if it helps me.

I like that she is VERY resourceful.