Think It Would Maybe Be Good To Start A Diary.

[fin]

I think maybe it would be good to start a diary as I would like to be able to get this stuff out of me.
Is it possible to be able to come back to add, re-write, fill in?

Sometimes I think I can do it...and then I'm trying to write something in a post and I stop...I want to be able to write in some kind of order and yet I know I can't spend so long on some stuff. It will need to be gone over and over to be able to fill it out and I just feel I can't do this on my own!! yes I know I would be doing it on my own.

I have tried at home and then realised there is stuff missing and keep having to re-start. I tried using little post-its on a time line on my big lining paper sheet last year and I could only do little bits at a time. And it never got finished.

Is there any way I can write or start one here that I can revisit (that is so not the right word) when I can cope with bits of it? Or is it reccomended that we dont start one until we can cope with doing it?

I have tried and I just seem to get a whole load of started bits-pages of them and then stopping...it feels very confused the way I have been trying to do this myself.

And I seem to have different "phases" sometimes focussed and then ten minutes later (or whatever) confused and triggering well thats just...you get what Im saying ...well I hope. All over the place.

Im not normally soo organised (I wasnt much before the C-PTSD) but I really, really do feel this is something that I need to do organised and properly and maybe (reading this back to myself) to some extent a little detached from-until maybe it is done.

~fin
Any thoughts or advice greatly appreciated please

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi fin,

Just do your best and let anything flow. Any consecutive post will help you fill in the bits and pieces- maybe in a whole new way.

Apparently it's good to keep going back to it until you can fill in the emotions associated with the trauma. That's the really important part.

It will come when you are ready, no rush, do it at your own pace. Don't go hard on yourself- no one (truly) will judge you.
You may help many more people than you know.

 

[patrick]

Fin,

Have you read some of the trauma diaries on here? They are some of the most disorganized, jumbled up, chaotic messes I have ever seen. I love them for that. And some of them have been going on for over a year. From what I've been able to tell, anything goes in a trauma diary. Every day in my healing I seem to remember something new that I had managed to keep repressed. If I ever get around to writing my diary, I'm pretty sure it will be just as disorganized as everybody else's. I say just go for it, don't give a second thought about how it looks to anybody, and learn whatever you can from the experience.

Pat

 

[fin]

Many thanks junebug and patrick...I have tried to read some diaries and it comes down to bits and pieces because sometimes of triggers.

sometimes when I try to write a diary I am only able to just detach; this happened, and then that, and then...
And then later open up the bits and pieces...which was why I was wondering about being able to edit at a later date.

which is why I have tried here to read more of the advice and then more bits from that.
its more forward moving perhaps for me on my own.

I am worried that when I start to melt down that that will be it for me...I dont want to open up some part of me that rants badly and then might get me kicked off here...as this is all the support I have right now.

The thing is I know there is much I need to do, and I dont think I will be doing it in therapy, primarily because I havent done any trauma stuff in any of the therapy I have done. And most of what I have read recently has suggested that trauma focussed healing... "work first on the trauma and the rest will help itself" is where I need to be.

I wish I had been more pro-active in this bit of getting better, I thought the professionals knew what they were doing and thought that if they couldnt help they would pass me onto someone that could. I wasnt fighting for me like I am trying to do now.

Years and years of it...Im tired and fedup with being lost.

When I see some things (coping etc. distractions etc) here I realise I was doing a lot of the right stuff its just that I couldnt do it all and couldnt do it all on my own.

I feel that some of my coping stratergies dont work any more.
And I am terrified of trusting a new therapist now...Im doing it...but right now its not so good.

 

[Kunoichi]

Fin,

I have ranted about alot of crap in my diary. Everything can go in. If you feel like your rant is going to be particularly ugly, just put a warning before you post saying so. That way if someone doesn't want to read it, they don't have to. :)

I know this is all scary, new and hard. but we are here behind you on it.

Kunoichi

 

[patrick]

One member told me once that he writes his trauma diary entries in notebook and then somehow uploads to the forum. I think when I start, I'll see if I can figure out how to do that. I'm pretty computer illiterate. Not sure how the chance to edit so much before posting would effect the learning to be had, but it might help with some of the worry about saying something that would get you banned from the forum.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Patrick,

Writing in the program notebook (in a windows platform) Is a good idea. Especially if your post is going to take you awhile to write it. Also if you feel the need to change things you can. To get it from notebook to a post here, you copy, and then paste it. Or you can highlight what you have written, hit control c, then when you hit reply and the box opens up, put your cursor in the box, and hit control v. It's the same as copy & paste.

As far as diaries are concerned...Anything goes, as long as you are not saying rotten things about another member. There is no need to put up warnings for triggers either. As being triggered is actually a good thing.....The more that you get triggered, it sort of desensitizes you, and has you think about things more.

There are very few things that can get you banned from here. Challenging the rules(which there really are not many)is one of them. It basically using common sense, and respecting others opinion. You don't have to like their opinion, but respecting it is a must....

Trauma diaries are a really great tool. After a period of time you go back an re-read it, and you will be amazed at how far you have come....

 

[patrick]

Thanx, She Cat. You actually explained that in a way that made sense to me...I think I can do that. The cut and paste part anyway...actually writing the diary...as soon as I can.

Fin, you're seeing a new therapist? I wish you the best with that. Looking forward to reading your story.

 

[fin]

She Cat...am not really sure but I seem to remember something about not cutting and pasting from my laptop to the forum...I cant remember where it was but am sure it was here somewhere.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Fin,

As long as whenever you copy from somewhere, you copy it TO notepad, then copy and paste it here, will be ok. Just remember to copy and paste to notepad FIRST, then here.....

I sometimes have lengthy thoughts that I want to enter into my diary, but don't have the time to type it all out at once, so I use notepad. Then when I am ready, I copy and paste it to my diary.

 

[A-RON]

Hey Fin, I really like what Patrick said about it. Don't worry what it sounds like. Think of it like taking emotional Mucinex.

 

[Luthien]

Emotional Mucinex! LMAO! Best description ever! And, totally true.

I agree with Patrick as well, and I can't make what he said any clearer, or sound better, so I'll just say, "Listen to what Patrick said" What a wonderful way of explaining it.