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I don't think it has been suppressed. Her comment "you've never liked me" indicates the visibility. I've complained about her ever since I was allowed to have friends. I've complained about her to therapists, who have introduced me to the idea of narcissism. I've done my best to be calm and reasoned with her, but the fear and the need to escape has frequently made me cut short time with her.Anger that big, that suppressed - it never comes out in a pretty, well-spoken, diplomatic sort of way.
I am sorry @Sideways that you have had to pick up this burden when you've lost someone so important to you
Thank you, that, and your unpacking of its meaning is valuable to me.you have my very sincere condolences
This was only about her having four hours a week of domestic support, to do the jobs she is too infirm to manage consistently. She lives in a detached house we own that shares a garden with ours. I think the problem is that she would have to pay herself, and she only likes to save.sounds like she is quite fearful of her own situation. I think it's likely she's thinking about the accommodation problem and her own predicament
That would be the dream outcome. Through a night of little sleep I have been comforting myself with that idea. It would be quite characteristic of her, so there is some hope.As only parents who are self-absorbed to such levels can do, she may ignore what you've told her. What will you feel then?
striking out at you emotionally because she's feeling vulnerable.
And that is the great fear. Both my parents needed to put bad feelings outside themselves, so I was wrong at frequent but unpredictable moments. Even now, I believe I am responsible for maintaining everyone's emotional equilibrium. I know it, but I don't stop. I think this is a big enough issue that she will need to turn it on me.it was only ever my responsibility for their emotional balance
She can. She holds all the power, because I believe her.she couldn't actually, really HURT me in any way that counted.
I don't think she has any idea of how, or that anything might be expected of her. I've tried to play in my mind how I'd respond if my child told me this. The sentences are all about "You". The only time the "I"comes in is apology and asking what I can do.Now she gets to buck up and work with you through this.
Ironically, I felt I had to let my sibling abuser know I had told his secret. His response was "What can I do to support you?". But it's over 20years since he and I tackled this and he spent years in therapy. I am afraid that this will have repercussions in his life too. He wants to talk today, but I can only manage text.
Except that she confirmed another thing I've always suspected - she was abused too. But that was framed as an attack on my inadequacy, which I'm already well aware of.They were only worried about what they want. My life experience is so far outside their realm of possibility they cannot extend their imagination so far
I shouldn't be surprised at any of her response, it was all just as I'd expect. I just feel devastated that I've been so stupid as to expose myself to it.