Thinking A Lot About Suicide

[Grace511]

Been thinking a lot about suicide lately. Chased the only person in the world who cared about me away. Dont wanna do anything anymore and cant handle work.

 

[Angelwings]

((HUGS)) you can hang in there, we can be your support...if you need to, please go to the hospital

 

[Overcast]

I wish I knew how to stop chasing away my support as well. It is very discouraging. I would recommend seeking help from a hospital as well. If you have a counselor that you can call I would make that call as well. I do know when I have those feelings if I hang in and push through it eventually improves.

 

[rightkindofme]

I hear you. I believe you. I have been there and at this point I don't feel that way any more. Suicide is permanent. Man I hear you on wanting to though. :-\

What size of city do you live in? What kind of resources might exist? There are always the national support numbers:
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

I've been where you are and it's a dark place. Like others have suggested, a call to your doctor and/or therapist couldn't hurt. I think we all want to make sure you are safe.

Posting here is a good step. A lot of us have been in similar situations. You are not alone. Keep talking.

Hugs (if you accept them)

 

[Notsowild]

@Grace511

Keep talking

Sometimes we isolate ourselves too much so I agree with @Unraveling1 Talk to us we're here for you:hug:

Sandra

 

[Emily18]

Hugs or kind smiles (whichever you prefer) being sent your way!

We can help support you here and there are many resources like hotlines, therapists and, of course, hospitals that will help you continue with your healing process.

As others said, we are here for you and we are willing to listen. :)

 

[WendyA]

I wish this wasn't so incredibly horrible for all of us. Seems like the PTSD almost has a life of its own. It knows that we need people and support, but makes us push people away or feel insecure and don't believe the people that do show up for us. All I want to do is isolate, but at the same time I want to scream to anyone who could hear me that I need help. I want someone to hold me and not let go and take my pain away. I know that's not possible, but I just can't take anymore. I feel so alone.

There is so much pain and it breaks me down more and more each day. I am in so much pain today and all I can think about is how peaceful it would be to just end it all. I'm not saying I'm going to, but the thought is so intense. I really just want to disappear. I already feel like a ghost and that I don't belong here and that I'm just hovering above the world watching life go on without me. I feel like I annoy people with my feelings because they are always so negative lately. I can't "snap out of it" or "just get over it" and I even annoy myself. I have to be honest, I talked to a friend of mine last night that I was in the hospital with after my first failed attempt and she was talking about her feelings and I do care, but I was getting a little annoyed because we seem to have the same conversations and it took a lot out of me to be there for her. First, that is not the kind of friend I am normally. Normally I would be there plus extra and never give up and then I worry that is how people view me. Because I never really am able to say I'm happy or fine or having a good day. Its always sad or something terrible. I don't like who I am now and I don't like having so many "problems".

I wish I could just go back to being in denial and pretending to be happy all the time. I thought I did a great job at that and I laughed a lot. I haven't laughed in so long. Its been about 5 months dealing with this so far and hearing on this site that sometimes it takes years to get through is a little discouraging. I can't/won't spend my "life" like this. I just want this to be over. :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

 

[Psalm_23]

@ WendyA I just read your post and I am crying with you right now. I know exactly how you feel. People mean well but sometimes a hug that never lets go is what we need. I also am in allot of pain every day. You pretty much told my life story.

I have tried more than four times in the last three years to end it. Each time somebody in my family found me and I was rushed to the hospital and they brought me back. I told every body what they wanted to hear so I could get out of the hospital I was on 24 hour watch each time I couldn't even have the phone to call my kids. they said I would use it to hurt my self. I had some one with me all the time, but nobody was listening to me. they had plenty to say but it was about them .As if I was invisible. Maybe we could talk more. I don't know you but I bet I wouldn't think your as worthless as you think you are. Maybe you wouldn't think I was invisable. Please don't think it will take years to be happy again. Nobody knows how long a season will last .I have a feeling yours is about to change soon. Being honest about how you feel, even if its negative is ok. What I am learning is feelings aren't you.They are a lot of words people have said to you that you chose to believe or not. But you are the judge and jury you get to accept or reject what has been said.to you or about you.

Your post really gives me hope that I am not alone. If you would give up on your self, that would end the pain your in. But what if there is a purpose for you around the corner that you cant see. and that purpose is connected to all your going through now. I would hate for you to go through all this and miss that purpose. I would really like it if you would respond to me. May be we could help each other. If we could cry together, we could laugh together.