Thinking About Suicide When Stressed

[Clydiechick]

I think that Mina said it all. That is exactly how I feel too, but it's the pain and hurt that you want/need to stop.

 

[growingpains]

Helps sometimes, but when I am stressed during/after these fights is when it seems like throwing in the towel on either me or us is a really viable option.

I related to what you wrote. Side question--How do you know for sure? Is the pain all of this pain I feel inside or is it related to me and my partner? Sometimes I have trouble distinguishing and it can be easy to say that it is just my pain but that can also be "besides the point". You don't need to write anything personal, but I try to use logic and reasoning and sometimes it can be hard for me to see where I have problems vs. our problems. Thanks in advance for any insight.

 

[cate1980]

Hello,

I just wanted to say I empathise a lot.

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I understand what it's like, but I am glad at least you are sharing your feelings on this forum with people who can understand and try to help.

I get thoughts of suicide at times when I feel that all the chaos of emotions churning around inside is just too overwhelming and draining to manage any more. Like you, I've been surprised to feel actually calmer and more focused when those thoughts get a hold. I remember on a couple of occasions I had 'made the decision' and just needed to plan the detail, it made me feel much more calm and in control. Strangely enough on those occasions other people started commenting that I seemed 'much better'. I just nodded, and thought to myself 'if only you knew why'. In the end I didn't act on those so-called decisions, because of my regard for others - my family and others who would be affected. I have read that people experience PTSD like symptoms when a loved one commits suicide, and I couldn't bear the thought that I might cause other people to have the same problems as me. So that stopped me. It is useful to hang on to that thought, as even when you feel that all you really want is to end it all, you remember that in many ways it is an act that destroys others, who you do not wish to see hurt. I know that often when you feel suicidal you actually think everyone will be better off without you (I do anyway) but I have told myself that whatever I might think, it is a FACT that they will be traumatised in some way. Works for me - it may help you?

The other thing I do is remind myself that I have had these feelings before - and they did pass - eventually. I keep saying to myself 'this will pass, just give it time'.

As for actually combating the feelings and not having them in the first place - I am not quite so sure about that. I have tried to do the exercise of listing 'things to live for' but of course, when you are very depressed, it can be difficult to see those things clearly.

Best wishes to you. You aren't alone, other people experience this too, and it does pass. I hope you are getting good help and support. X