Relationship This Is The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Had To Come To Terms With

[Charlottexxx0]

My partner of 3 years left me a week ago and went 200 miles away to his mum and dads. He has been to the doctors and has been diagnosed with PTSD through an accident and is waiting for his appointment to see a counsellor. I know that he is in a dark place and is struggling but I feel so confused, unhappy and tired. He has text me saying that he loves me and wants me and it is the thought of one day being with me that stops him going mad. How do I get used to only receiving a text now and again? How do I keep strong enough to wait for him? How long before I get my partner back? He can't even speak to me on the phone. Only by text. I feel so useless.

 

[Jawn]

Hang in there and check out some of the threads in the carer section to see how others are handling this type of situation.

It's tough, but if he is getting help and wants you in his life you can get through it. It won't be easy or quick, but it can be done.

Jawn

 

[Charlottexxx0]

Thank you Jawn for your reply. It is just so hard but it helps so much being able to vent on here and get advice.

 

[amethist]

As Jawn says, it is hard, it is completely and utterly painful at times, but yes it can be worked through.

You will have to have the patience of a saint, make that a dozen saints, just to keep yourself on a level footing with all this. While you are waiting for him to be able to contact you more often, it may be a good idea to use this time to learn more of how to look after you more than you probably do just now. Build up your own support network, have true trusted friends and family share some of this with you if possible, you don't have to go into details with them, just the basics for now.

Read up as much as you can about all things PTSD, not all issues come up, but if you know about them, then you are prepared.

No one will pretend that this is going to be an easy ride, it is definitely not. It is full of bumps and pot holes and the scariest roller coaster ride you can imagine. But you can ride this together. So put your own things in order and then you will be well prepared for when he does come back to you. Just be ready for him to be slightly different than he was before, still the man you love but with a few changes to the man he was.

Take care, it can be done.

Amethist

 

[jenkins123]

Charlotte

You have found a really excellent place for support. My story has only tiny similarities to yours in that my short term partner left and cut me off. I made big mistakes before coming to this site, in that I never really understood the need for space. Your partner may just need this, and I know how awful that feels, and the need to contact him etc. The postives in your story are that he knows he has ptsd, he knows he needs help, and he knows he loves you. Very good positives, believe me. I'm the least expert on this site but have learnt the hard way that giving space is a really good thing to do so try as much as you can. And stay here for supportive words :)

 

[Charlottexxx0]

Thank you for all your support. My family just don't seem to understand. They say that he has left me, won't come back and move on.

With all the help from here and everyones kind words I now know that I have got to get used to the odd texts, waiting, waiting and more waiting. I will not text him, be patient and think positively.

I have read that they can change when they come back but I can't seem to find out in what way. Can anyone help me with this please?

It is definately like a rollercoaster ride. I keep reminding myself that someday we will be able to get off it.

 

[Jawn]

I think what is meant by "changed" is that they will not necessarily be exactly the same as they were before PTSD took over their life. Much of them will be the same, but they will be different in some ways. So your challenge will be that you can not hang onto thinking about them how they were in the past, but accept them as they are once they make it through treatment and get a handle on the PTSD beast. You build your future with them based on who they are now and don't try to force them to be who they were in the past. In some cases, the difference may not be very much.

In my case, my wife's PTSD showed up after we had been together about 15 yrs and is apparently something from her childhood. So I do not know exactly what she will be like after her treatment, but I think the main qualities I love and admire in her will still be there and we can build on that.

Hang in there and yes patience is very important, as well as giving them time/space to work on their therapy.

Jawn

 

[Tinyflame]

I might be very wrong, but they say no one is ever the same after grief, and facing experiences that caused the ptsd in the first place I don't think are grieved 'at the time' or fully. So to face them = 'new' grief, or at least acknowledged-grieving. Let alone the grief ptsd causes. And also, it may- or more accurately healing may (in a positive way) change your views on life. I think though that healing/ life/ hope/ joy/ gratitude/ acceptance/ love/ kindness all are positives, given or received. A changed person who is doing better managing the ptsd I think is always a positive, it's just that the process also can be so frightening/ awful/ uncertain/ so very difficult for everybody. It's very firghtening/ uncertain even to the person with it. -Just my experience.

 

[seedling]

If your partner can feel safe at his parents' and get the treatment he needs, he has a good base to work from for getting better. It is good he is texting you, too.

You could tell your family that you know he is ill and are going to see how his treatment works out before rushing to conclusions about the relationship.

Good luck and take care of yourself too.

 

[Charlottexxx0]

Thank you so much for your replies. I remember him saying that when he had a heart bypass at heart attack at 32 it made him see life differently. I understand that PTSD will probably do the same. I have spoken again to my family and they are starting to understand more. Keeping busy seems to be helping me at the moment.The house and garden have never been so clean :-)

I had some texts 3 days ago and was overjoyed but it was like I was talking to a friend. Is this normal? Hoping for a text today as they seem to come every 3 days.

I am just so pleased that I found this site. It is like a lifeline :-)