Sufferer Thought I Had Trauma And Ptsd Managed Until...

[PTSDsirv]

My childhood included physical, mental and emotional abuse from my mother and sometimes siblings. Dad was a functional alcoholic. We had a man working for us once or twice per week for 6 years who hunted me within our home so that he could molest me from the age 6 to 12. It was a dirty secret no one talked about. I was occasionally beaten, thrown down stairs and even had a knife pulled on me more than once. Because I refused to not speak out, I became an outcast for my 7 siblings who were damaged enough that they had various levels of being able to understand empathy, form attachments and function. I used dissociation to get through and also set up a plan beginning when I was 12, that I worked for decades so that I could have a "normal" life. While in college I was stalked (when there was no understanding of it), date raped, had a gay person nearly attack me after cornering me in an office (I am heterosexual), a potential employer try to trap me in a hotel suite, and had more than one encounter with criminals. I shoved all of this inside and continued to work my plan. I became two people...the broken attacked one and the functional one who was employed, married and had children. I still had sibling/mother issues and didn't trust most people, but I got by pretty well. About two years ago, my younger sister committed suicide. My older brother had attempted it years earlier. It was my sister's death that triggered my past to come back into my life in a very real disruptive way. I could barely function and struggled to overcome the tidal wave of pain, depression and fear. I am doing a lot better now. I am lucky to have a supportive spouse. I am in therapy for the first time working on blending the battered child with the fairly functional grown-up. I am also working on managing fear and anger as well as learning less drastic coping mechanisms.

 

[anthony]

Well done on your self progress... seriously, well done -- welcome to the community.

 

[Intrepid]

Welcome to the forum! There are a lot of people here who can relate to your store, including me.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome and I hope you find this site helpful as you continue to work on your healing.

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the forums :)

 

[ground crew]

My escape plan formed in jr high. I was gping to run away to the service! That took some ironic turns! Welcome, your in a safe place.