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Thoughts - Is it normal to even read up on suicide? To feel relief from scratching yourself?

  • Post starter Post starter An invisible one
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An invisible one

Is it normal to even read up on suicide . Like how many pills it takes . The last time it happened was almost 3 yrs ago .. I'm no longer on any therapy or counselling services also. Think deep down I know what triggered but there wasn't any specific event , more like an accumulated thing inside of me

But it felt different from then when I was really in a dark place. This time it sprang out of nowhere. I also kind of started scratching myself. I feel relief with the feeling of the scratches on my hand . Does it sound weird ?

Heck .. maybe I'm attention seeking . Don't know what's wrong with my brain
 
Is it normal to even read up on suicide . Like how many pills it takes .
it is normal for me. i'm a curious person and i don't limit my curiosity much. satisfying my curiosity is even more tempting since the advent of the internet. with morbid subjects, such as suicide, denying my curiosity only seems to intensify it. yup, you guessed it. authority issues, even when the authority telling me i can't is me. allowing myself to satisfy the curiosity seems to purge it from my system with far greater efficiency than telling myself, "no."
 
Is it normal to even read up on suicide . Like how many pills it takes . The last time it happened was almost 3 yrs ago .. I'm no longer on any therapy or counselling services also. Think deep down I know what triggered but there wasn't any specific event , more like an accumulated thing inside of me

But it felt different from then when I was really in a dark place. This time it sprang out of nowhere. I also kind of started scratching myself. I feel relief with the feeling of the scratches on my hand . Does it sound weird ?

Heck .. maybe I'm attention seeking . Don't know what's wrong with my

For some people, I think that just the idea of a way out can provide comfort, but it's also a risk factor. It's especially concerning if someone has formulated a plan, and has the means to act on it. It's important to get rid of the means in case you have an impulse.

Self-harm (scratching) could be a way of feeling physical pain to distract from emotional pain, maybe? Also might be a form of grounding if you've dissociated? Or maybe not.
 
I do it. When I was prescribed the sleeping meds, I looked up what would happen if I took a bunch of them. I wasn't wanting to kill myself. A lot of the time I wish I wasn't here. I want it all to go away, the pain, anxiety, depression, and trauma.

I also self harm in a couple of ways, one of which is scratching.
 
Two years ago, I used to do this all the time, and I could only think about things like that. At least for me, it wasn't normal. It was a way to cope with my suicidal thoughts and the urge to kill myself. Now, I sometimes think about it, but it's not like it used to be.

About the scratches, be careful; once you start hurting yourself, it easily becomes an addiction.

And, of course, you are not an attention seeker! You are just worried about important things, and that's okay. You should take care of yourself.

How are you feeling now?
 
Yeah, it's normal to do, either from curiosity or even a sense of relief. The actual question is if the information you find is going to be an information hazard to you.

For example, if you're just curious and THINK you shouldn't, but do anyway because it's too interesting, that's fine.

If you're feeling overwhelmed with a bunch of little things adding up, and you have no therapist to work through those feelings or any relief in sight, caution might need to be applied.

Or not. There's never any need to judge your thoughts or feelings, or feel like you need to invalidate needing some attention in order to discuss the issues you're having.

I think it might be more helpful to think of looking up suicide methods as a behavior. There's no need to worry about if it's normal or if you're being unusual. This behavior may have been triggered by recent events, or by your mood.

What's got you reading up on suicide? Are you having suicidal ideation? This doesn't mean you have an attempt in mind right now. It often takes practice to have an attempt due to survival instincts, but ideation is a big first step that should be taken seriously.

Sometimes, when I find myself looking up suicide, it's because I want to feel less alone. I sometimes even go to suicide watch threads on other websites in order to read other people's reasons, feel them for myself, and get some tears out. It might be because I also want to make myself cry, or self harm emotionally, or empathize with others who feel more like me in that moment.

The fact that YOU have chosen to reach out about it says a lot.

And like @Bamma has said, sometimes you need attention. Very few humans never need attention in their day to day lives.

Let me just add before I finish my response -- I'm not going to share the method I have here, because I feel it is an information hazard (unless you are old with a terminal illness, but I don't think that applies to most people here, and I don't have a way to verify). But I will say this: most methods you will find or think of are not worth it. As in, they may not be as quick, accurate/100% chance of not living with a new physical or psychological disability or two afterwards, or painless as you may imagine. I'm not saying this to scare you. People who have done them don't say this often, because it's not the point, but sometimes having this in mind helps you have more of an informed decision that also grounds you and reminds you that you are here and don't deserve to have to go through these thoughts, these pains, etc.

When making a decision, it's always important to go through a check list to prove to yourself that you have tried and exhausted literally all other options. Including packing up and walking to the other side of the world to see if you can have a better life in the country side of Guinea, or getting a therapist, or trying at least 130 combinations of psychiatric medicines.

You don't go through toe pain for years just to decide to cut off your leg before trying acetaminophen.

Do you want to talk about your thoughts or the little things that are adding up? We're here to listen to you. <3
 
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