Thrown By Realising My Timeline Is Wrong...

[watundah]

The self conscious and silly part I get because that's a big therapy speed bump for me. While my therapist has invited me and would looove for me to do this work in her office, I'm not comfortable with that. She encouraged me to email her between sessions with any more work I do this week. She could hardly refrain from expressing excitement. :geek:

I believe no matter what the method, ultimately there are times when we're going to feel *more*. But that's a good thing in the end, eh? Let it out then let it go.
Plus you have a good therapist to guide you.

I'm starting to feel like an infomercial so I'll stop now.

 

[barefoot]

Ah....I love it when therapists get excited on our behalf! :-)

Yes, I know I can't avoid all the feelings forever and that they will inevitably come. And, if they don't come, that won't ultimately help. I guess it'll happen when I'm ready and can manage - at the moment, when I start to feel a lot (difficult feelings), I get flooded/overwhelmed really, really quickly and then dissociation kicks in. So I'm sure my therapist will be planning on going slowly and gently.

I think if I tell her how sad I feel at the moment (and it's just a sort of intangible sense of sadness), I think I might cry. And I've never cried in therapy. I hate crying in front of anyone. And I know it's fine and I know she isn't going to think it's strange (quite the opposite, I'm sure). But that fees like a huge edge for me. And I think that's partly what I'm afraid of too. That I won't be contained and composed and in control (not that I'm in control when I dissociate!) I think it's a fear of unraveling....and of having someone see that
:-(

 

[Hush92]

Of course it's unsettling to know reality isn't as you thought it was. I can feel you on this as well, I had it in my head that bad things had happened to me throughout all of high school when in reality it was only for about 1 1/2 years of it. In my case the truth was better!

That's why I always try to keep meticulous journals. My memory can be all over the place. Memory isn't a reliable thing to begin with though. Did you know whenever you remember something you aren't actually remembering the event itself, but rather you're remembering the last time you remembered the event? Isn't that weird?