Thunderstorms

[Misera1013]

I wish I could help you guys. Not that I would be any better. When the lights go out a freeze! I just freeze. I/m to afraid to move forward or back, but if I had to be strong for someone I could. Honestly, that is what I do, and what will probably be my breaking point in life. I stand when no one else can, and I will remain standing and hold everyone up.

 

[Razorback]

Tim, I use to love thunderstorms before. Now, I think they are going to be awesome and then they start up and it is "oh shit!" Not much fun. I now live in the desert and we don't get many.

So, when you say "Mortaritaville", are you talking about Balad/LSA Anaconda or the other one. I can't remember it's name but I think it was an FOB. Just curious as I had an argument the other night with some drunk ass army dude that is hanging out with a bunch of college kids trying to impress them. We get that alot with several bases nearby. They really hate it when I call them on the sh*t they are dishing out trying to impress. When they REALLY cause me problems I whip out my knowledge of the military to let them know I CAN hold them responsible for getting drunk and tearing the place up. :D

 

[Tim &Bailey]

So, when you say "Mortaritaville", are you talking about Balad/LSA Anaconda or the other one. I can't remember it's name but I think it was an FOB.. :D

Thats the ville I speak of Razor I was there in DEC 04 when the chow hall got hit we lost 14 that day, shittiest part was we just brought them incountry. two days before half those kids were at the tree bar with us in Rhein Mein. We brought them home on an angel flight. That sucked really bad, one of those nights I just willl never forget. One of those thunderstorm reminders I guess. All hell broke loose. We'll talk some time were u there? and when?

Tim & Bailey

 

[Razorback]

That's tough, man. I was at Balad/Anaconda the Summer of '05. I was describing the craziness of that place to someone and they just couldn't believe me. Daily mortar attacks and an Olympic size swimming pool. The place was a hell of a contradiction of sorts. Kind of like the policies. I lived off the C-5 Hotpad. When they went to military power warming up the engines it kind of sounded like alarm red.:eek: Were you AF or Army?

 

[K-9 Al]

In 05 i was in Kirkuk and man we got rocked. If it wasnt the mortars it was the damn rockets. Day in and day out.

 

[Tim &Bailey]

That's tough, man. I was at Balad/Anaconda the Summer of '05. I was describing the craziness of that place to someone and they just couldn't believe me. Daily mortar attacks and an Olympic size swimming pool. The place was a hell of a contradiction of sorts. Kind of like the policies. I lived off the C-5 Hotpad. When they went to military power warming up the engines it kind of sounded like alarm red.:eek: Were you AF or Army?

AF I was one of the flight crew members on the C-5's that were making all that noise. I tried explaining even show a picture to my Uncle of the pool and how close the mortar hits were comming in. Very hard for someone who wasn't there to even imagine why we hate thunder and other loud noises.

Tim & Bailey

 

[Razorback]

That's funny that you were with the C-5's. I don't know about you, but I'm real anti-fireworks. They are suppose to be all patriotic and everything but I can't stand the damn things anymore. While at Balad, we were holding our breath in 05 during the 4th of July because of the previous year it had been an almost full on attack, they had so many mortars lobbed in. We were in SAP IV body armor and the works and there was nothing. Until some dumbass EOD team decided that evening to do a controlled det without telling anyone. They even threw in some sparklers to celebrate American Independence Day. I swear if any of us had gotten ahold of those EOD crews they would've been beaten to death. Dumbasses!!!!!:mad:

Loud noises and alarms. People talk about exposure therapy, but I feel like there will always be a part of me that reverts to instinctual training and the fear that comes with knowing what loud noises can bring.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey Razorback, I don't think there are many people who have survived rocket and mortar rounds and have PTSD, that joyfully go to fireworks. I don't.

With regards to the training and exposure therapy. The training will eventually dwindle to some extent. Exposure therapy may not be what you think it is. Not trying to say your wrong, but exposure therapy is usually done with your therapist or someone who can pull you back.

Basically its about reliving your trauma in a controlled environment. What they say is that if you constantly go over and over and over the same trauma, no matter how horrible it is, eventually it will fade. It will always be a memory and a nasty one at that, but it won't have the same raw emotion attached. Does that sound right to you.???
In the ideal world, and if we had the time with the therapist, we would complete our exposure therapy on every single trauma until it is just a memory.

Personally, there are several of my traumas that I can talk about openly with no ill effect. It has taken me 4 years and I probably have only covered a quarter of them.

I can't handle loud noises, alarms or too much sensory input either. That just comes with the territory.

Does this make sense to any veterans?????

 

[Jimmy1]

P.S. In the start, I used to jump at the slightest little noise, and still do jump when surprised. Unless drugged, nobody can sneak up on me when I am asleep.

As for the scaring, we have made a game up of it to see who can scare me. It helps and its a good laugh. Especially when someone startles the f*ck out of me and I jump through the roof.

 

[Fargo1]

I personally don't have the problem with sudden loud noises. But loud music...man that drives me crazy. If I go into someplace that is playing loud music or has the din of many voices, my agitation level goes into the red. If the music has loud bass, it is all over.

The therapy, well I have just begun my trip down that road. I gotta say that it is tough a tough road, but so far it feels like it is working for me. Although we started a couple of times trying to go into one of my traumas and I just could not do it. We had to abort and try again another session. Pulling me back out has been difficult as well. One session I was so fired up even after two hours of trying to get out of it, I had to head out and go camping all by my lonesome because I felt...odd afterwards. But usually I feel much calmer once I leave, and surprisingly stay calm for the most part.

Jimmy what was your session schedule? Mine has me going three times a week.

 

[Jimmy1]

Yeah, similar mate.

My therapist works towards it. She gets me to do some writing about my trauma's. Things I can remember without getting too far into it. Then when I visit, she asks me to read through it to get my stress levels up. That's how they did it with Brain Spot Therapy. The good thing about Brain Spot Therapy is that you don't have to go all the way into your trauma.

You know how you find yourself staring at a certain spot sometimes, nothing in particular, just a blank. Well, they have associated that with like an 'Eye Cue'. You can actually do it yourself. You can actually find a spot that makes you angry, one that makes you sad, and of course, one for relaxing. Ask your therapist mate.

Sometimes, you are just not ready. But then again, its the brains natural reaction to not want to go there. But the more you go there, the more numb it becomes.

I will reiterate, you will never ever lose that horrific moment, but it will become a memory, like your 21st, or a child's birthday.

I always tell people to watch 'Band of Brothers'. I like watching the actual veterans when they are recalling a battle that happened 40 years ago. You can see the raw emotion of PTSD. Where some of them can talk about it like nothing happened.

 

[K-9 Al]

It def makes sense. I have HATED fireworks, firecrackers,etc since my first trip over to Iraq in 05. One time while home on leave in Michigan I was driving with my wife, my best freind and his wife. We got off of the freeway and were heading home. We came down the road and the fireworks were infront of us. It isnt so much the visual effects of the fireworks as it is the percussion of the "boom" and the whistling noises. Anyway, i pulled over to the side of the road and just freaked. Kept saying "get me out of here, get me the F*** out of here" I just couldnt move. It was like i was stuck in that moment in time.