Time and Time Again - Living With PTSD

[Cindy]

I find it so hard to struggle on each day to balance my internal and external functions. I feel like I constantly have a war going on inside my head while the outside of me is trying to act normal in response to the work and home environment. Some days I feel so disconnected.

When I can bury PTSD I function the best - "living in the moment" - but somedays that is totally impossible. No one gets the depth of the pain or grasps the impacts on daily living.

This is why I joined the PTSD forum, to listen to others and recognize I am not alone. I feel so isolated and alone with everything and sometimes wonder why I bother. My daughter and psychologist are the only ones that have even a glimmer of its depth. I feel so defective and worthless. On a good day I do feel that I contribute to society and make a difference but I expect that to be every day. Obviously I am very hard on myself and expect unreasonable survival success.

One day at a time. UGH!

Does anyone else feel this way?

 

[sunnydaze]

Cindy,
I feel the same way. I just feel like I am existing and not enjoying much of life. The only time, I feel good is when the frandson comes over. I guess playing with him is letting the kid in me out. How can I say no when he asks me to dance or play with him. Life goes to fast. I want him to remember me as the fun grandma. He is only 3 years old and another one is due in September. The other days I am lost in my own little world and just coping. I hope you get the help you need and for myself as well.
sunnydaze

 

[Shoshin]

Cindy...

Feeling alone, isolated, numb, at war with myself...yes, I share that experience with you. You are not alone, and I have found that participating here can help remind me that others can and will understand what I share, which is comforting. It is not enough to make everything better, which only I can do through long, hard work, but it is a really good start, I feel. I hope you will come to find the same...Hang in there. You deserve to be content.

 

[morgan]

Welcome to the forum Cindy.

 

[Deleted member 541]

HI Cindy & welcome to the forum.

 

[2quilt]

I know exactly how you feel, Cindy.

Nice name, by the way.

2quilt (Cyndi)

 

[spiritofnow]

Cindy,

I totally understand!
For myself it has been 26 years on and off! I have spent a life time existing and roaming around this earthly plane in a PTSD haze.

The here and now is joyous when you can experience it!

This forum is the right place to help 'us' see our way though the mist until we come to a place of clarity and brilliant blinding sunlight which reveals the truth of all of this!

Go find your light!

Spirit x

 

[dekhos]

Hi Cindy,

Yes! Yes to every word............I feel the same way as you do.

D.

 

[nic]

Hi Cindy,

I, too, feel as though I'm going through an ongoing battle to stay "sane"--(whatever THAT is). I try to act like everyone else: I go to work, hang out with friends if I can, etc., but sometimes I feel like the amount of effort needed to do so just isn't worth it. I LIVE for the good days when I can enjoy being myself and all that life has to offer, but with PTSD those days seem way too few and far between. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Take care of yourself--(and I really mean that),
nic

 

[Cindy]

THANK YOU ALL ! Sometimes I wonder if I'm really nuts. Just knowing others experience the same lunacy gives me some comfort of being "normal" in this messed up mind disease.

 

[nie]

Welcome to the forum Cindy.

 

[notjustfriends]

Cindy... you have really put into words how I feel. Every day.

The "living in the moment" comment really strikes me. I feel better when practicing yoga, running, walking the dog (something about dogs and they are just so happy to WALK and sniff and live the moment). Those little things bring me joy.

The hard times are when I face the fear head on. I personally think one has to go through the hard times to adjust to PTSD.

One day at a time. :)