Time For Plan B

[The Albatross]

Okay so... something I didn't think I'd share that helped me personally.

Scar tissue is stronger than the surrounding tissue. Where bones fracture the repairs are also stronger than the surrounding tissue... that is how I dealt with my facial and other scarring.

I attended a seminar, early in recovery about 4 years ago... and that was the single most thought that was assistive to me. My facial scarring is almost not noticeable now... but I still see it every time I look in the mirror... yet, I came to believe and accept that... "scar tissue is stronger than the surrounding tissue" and "broken bones where they heal... are stronger than the surrounding bone"... that/those... well they became very anchoring thoughts. Something to be beneficial rather than a detriment. Pause to consider please Scarface, you are far, far more than what you are with not only a scar but a facial disfigurement.

That is really what we are talking about here, is living/dealing with/suffering with a severe facial disfigurement.

 

[Scarface]

Scar tissue is stronger than the surrounding tissue. Where bones fracture the repairs are also stronger than the surrounding tissue... that is how I dealt with my facial and other scarring.

Actually this is not true. Healed scars are about 20% weaker than the skin they replace. Scar tissue makes a stronger scar but not stronger skin. Scars are also denser, less flexible, and uglier than normal skin.

The thick wad of scar tissue in my forehead is not only hideous to look at, but it feels uncomfortable on my face. Like a glob of glue that I can't get rid of. It tortures me over second of the day. I will be in misery until I die.

 

[Ronin]

I will be in misery until I die.

There is a possibility to change your thinking about it. That misery isn't something inevitable.

 

[Sideways]

I'm not gonna argue with you on the point that it will be there until you die. Even with a quantum leap in plastic surgery, the scar will always be there, just like the scars that you can't see. They're different types of scars, they impact you differently, but they will all always be there. There will never come a day when your trauma history will disappear.

But I disagree on the misery part. It's over-whelming now. Coping is overwhelming right now. But it gets easier. The misery isn't a scar, and it can heal, with time. You are not a hideous person - you might believe that now, but it's not the truth. You are still beautiful, courageous and loveable, and there are people who will love you...if you let them.

 

[Sideways]

Been thinking about what it must be like for you to be on the receiving end of a comment like that...

My T has a nasty habit of repeating certain things every time I see him, like, "You were an innocent child". Probably seems obvious to him, but man does it get me riled. It's hard to even listen to it, because my brain is screaming "I don't believe you...You don't understand".

And I'm right, he doesn't understand. How could he possibly understand?

But hours later, when the isolation and pain sets in, I know that on some level, I'm glad he says it. Imagine my world if there wasn't one person, just one, saying that to me? I don't have to believe him, and he really doesn't understand, but I know why he keeps saying it anyway even though he knows it hurts for me to hear it.

You don't have to believe me. And no, I don't understand. But you could send me a thousand photos of yourself and I would say the same thing, because it's true: you are still beautiful, courageous and loveable. And my thoughts have been with you, because I hope things get easier.

 

[scout86]

And I'm right, he doesn't understand.

I don't think you ARE right, I think he DOES understand. You WERE an innocent child. That can be pretty hard to understand. I think it's you/we/us that doesn't understand, just like the OP doesn't understand what everyone is trying to say. (That's why they call it a "disorder".)

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't want to derail your thread, but I think you should perhaps consider changing your screen name.

I think that maybe you chose "scar face" because that is predominantly what you think about yourself?

I recently read an article on the power of a name. It said that more people named "Dennis" become dentists and women named "Georgia" move to Georgia than can be explained by chance. (Gotta love statistics, ;) ) People are more willing to buy products that start with the first three letters of their own name. In short, we are deeply connected to our names and they can play a role in defining us. Of course yours is a screen name, but I think the same sorts of principles hold true.

The truth is that you are SO much more than your scar. Maybe you can't see that right now, but I know it's true. Maybe you don't want to change your name right now, but I challenge you to at least think about it. Maybe change it to something that has relevance in your life? Perhaps something associated with a passion or interest or hobby?

I chose my name because Eve is a character in one of my favorite movies, the movie that sparked my enduring love for classic film.

 

[Scarface]

I'm so distressed right now. In fact, my mental state has gotten worse since I've realized that no treatment can help my scar. I've spent the last 10 months praying for the best possible outcome, searching for the best fix, and nothing worked. As far as I'm concerned, there is no God. He did not answer my prayers. The worst case scenario came true. And it is not my PTSD or my depression that is the cause of my suffering. People with facial disfigurement lead a diminished quality of life and suffer from a social disability. I have read this over and over again.

I've been so depressed, that my mother had to come take care of me. Otherwise, I'd probably be in a hospital right now because I can barely feed myself. I have become a burden to my family. They would be better off without me. I have no history of mental illness prior to this accident.

I hate to say this, but I think the original plan B is back on the table. I don't have the strength to rise above this. I want my old life back. I'm going to suffer until I die :( Honestly, I wish the accident would have killed me instead of allowing me to live like this.

 

[digger]

is not my PTSD or my depression that is the cause of my suffering.

I have to say, I read your threads and I wonder what it is you are wanting from people here, or if you know that yourself?

You have had a lot of responses to your threads, but you seem to ignore or dismiss anything and anyone that is trying to help you see that there may be other ways to look at things.

If you are certain that none of your feelings are PTSD related, then you may find more of the kind of support you are seeking elsewhere? I don't say that to chase you away, but I'm just wondering what you are getting from coming back here, or what you are hoping to get from a PTSD forum?

People with facial disfigurement lead a diminished quality of life and suffer from a social disability. I have read this over and over again.

And yet there are people here who have given you different views, and if you choose to, I am sure you could find as many uplifting stories of people who have said f*ck you to the world in more positive ways and live full and fulfilling lives with disfigurement and disabilities.

I think ten months is not a long time though to come to terms with this for you and maybe you're just not ready yet to hear any of this. If you are coming here though in the hopes that someone will eventually agree with you and tell you yes, suicide is the answer to this, I think you're coming to the wrong place.

 

[Stickler]

...If you want your old life back, go take it back to the degree you can.

The thing is? I strongly suspect that you are making a much huger deal about your scar than other people do.
I have one inch-long facial scar in my eyebrow, two little face scars.
My one friend is fat, she has a huge facial scar from having a staph infection eat a hole in her nose...and I still think she's lovely. I just notice her smile.

I'm not saying people do not notice; but I think they note " oh, there's a scar," and then they go on.
Facial disfigurement to the degree of facial structure getting smashed, or large area burn scars, THAT tends to startle people.

Your scar seems to be somewhat concealable( If not totally ) and is not occupying a huge amount of your facial area? Like maybe an inch across by an inch wide?

You are going to allow roughly one inch, more or less, of your face to ruin your life?

I think you are worth more than one inch square of skin, no matter that the inch in question is parked in the middle of your face.

You need professional mental health help, PLEASE go get it!

 

[scout86]

In fact, my mental state has gotten worse since I've realized that no treatment can help my scar.

In the world of PTSD, it happens that things seem worse once you start working your way through denial. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, but not really surprised.

I've spent the last 10 months praying for the best possible outcome, searching for the best fix, and nothing worked. As far as I'm concerned, there is no God.

This isn't probably the place to debate theology, but, if you were praying for the best possible outcome, in a physical sense, you probably got it. I can't imagine anyone could have worked any harder to find a road back to physical perfection. I don't suppose you've considered that "the best possible outcome" might be somewhere along the lines of accepting your new physical reality and going on to have a meaningful life anyway? Other people have actually done that. Burn victims, victims of acid attacks...... With the determination you've shown in holding on to the way you've looked at things up till now, you sound like you'd be unstoppable, if you applied that in a different direction.

Out of curiosity, if you could chose between your previous appearance and having a family loves you and who's willing to take care of you, which would you pick?,

 

[Casey_03]

People with facial disfigurement lead a diminished quality of life and suffer from a social disability. I have read this over and over again.

You can read a lot of things, and they aren't necessarily true. I suffered from body dysmorphic disorder growing up, which basically just means i had a very very serious complex about a certain part of my body (my chest), and when I looked in the mirror, I saw a deformed freak. And I was so negative about this, and so convinced that I was a freak for having a flat chest as a girl, that it crippled me. I would actually spend entire days just sobbing and hiding from the world because I didn't want them to see my deformity. I too told myself that my plan B was suicide. The worst part is that I'd actually find and read tons of articles that would reinforce my insecurities - articles about men hating women with flat chests, articles about it being a genetic flaw, and so on and so on. Fast forward years later, I know now that is all bullshit. And I found that stuff because I was looking for it, because my view of the situation was so negative that I wanted to find something to reinforce my pain. You can look for anything and find it. Want to convince yourself that hair dye causes cancer? You'll find a slew of articles claiming to have proof of this. Want to believe small hands in a man mean he will be a failure? I'm sure you can find that somewhere too. Yes, I realize disfigurement is worse, but just because you read something claiming you are doomed cause you are scarred doesn't mean it's true. The "diminished quality of life" is an internal factor; this depends largely on how the person with the scarring deals with it. I don't blame you for being angry and upset and talking about giving up -- 10 months is not enough time to come to terms with your situation. You just need to give it more time. Yes, you will feel worse, and worse and worse and worse .... until you won't. That's how it always is. It will get worse before it will get better.