femaleveteran
Silver Member
For me it is hard to see much good that I may or may not have done in the world. The thing really is this following statement only. For Startes, I told a friend in January that it was easier to admit you had seen the worst part of humanity....but to admit that you participated in the worlds worst of humanity is a far greater task....a lifetime endeavor as you will. And by that, I mean those are directly participated along with those who might have been indirectly. War changes people........
BUT ...
I learned a lot of about myself.
I may be a little messed up but I am doing far better than, I can only guess, any average human, being abruptly exposed to thing I was exposed to, might even react with more problems than I have.
I am resilient. I think of suicide and ALOT, but I envision myself trying to put my .40 cal agaist the side of my head and pulling the trigger knowing all the while I will never pull the trigger...never in eternity can I logically rationalize such an action.
Likewise contemplation of suicide is a direct kinship to be willing to sign ones name on a contract of American Military training by knowing all full well at the same time he would repay that grasp of the American dream with his own life if need be. So to be in the military is,in effect, a suicidal gesture...one of the few such types rewarded..."probably a close second with offing yourself if you have cancer).
I trained my soldiers to never be afraid and many of them have gone on to do tremendous things in life and in the military. One is an attorney. One is off to warrant officer school to be a pilot and hopefully work his way back to some position like flight surgeon. Many others are good to great people....some are maimed or dead... while their leader is crippled. Maybe I sacrificed for them -- the successful ones anyyway;) --I do not really know.
I love my dog and she loves me<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<see leftand somewhere above depending where you are in the page.
I like to think that I am all around American Girl. I wonder at the education I got as a young girl which did not necessarily convince me that women do not have so great in this world. I was a total tomboy and always thought I could keep up witht he guys and I am still trying to do that in many ways.
I am in love....have been even before in life; so I know I am not a psychopath. I genuinely care about the welfare of people regardless of their credd, religion, nationalty, color, sex, secual orientation, etc...so I wold care not being a total Psycho as a good thing.
I must have a conscience because I know I hurt...and deeply at times.
You wanted the truth, and I figured that if I should write about where I truly am at I might as well give a truthful "go' at it.
people may think it a little depressing but i just realized that truth is about the only way through the sludge of life. Maybe others do not have sludge but I do and it comes out in writing. You can ban it if you want.
BUT ...
I learned a lot of about myself.
I may be a little messed up but I am doing far better than, I can only guess, any average human, being abruptly exposed to thing I was exposed to, might even react with more problems than I have.
I am resilient. I think of suicide and ALOT, but I envision myself trying to put my .40 cal agaist the side of my head and pulling the trigger knowing all the while I will never pull the trigger...never in eternity can I logically rationalize such an action.
Likewise contemplation of suicide is a direct kinship to be willing to sign ones name on a contract of American Military training by knowing all full well at the same time he would repay that grasp of the American dream with his own life if need be. So to be in the military is,in effect, a suicidal gesture...one of the few such types rewarded..."probably a close second with offing yourself if you have cancer).
I trained my soldiers to never be afraid and many of them have gone on to do tremendous things in life and in the military. One is an attorney. One is off to warrant officer school to be a pilot and hopefully work his way back to some position like flight surgeon. Many others are good to great people....some are maimed or dead... while their leader is crippled. Maybe I sacrificed for them -- the successful ones anyyway;) --I do not really know.
I love my dog and she loves me<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<see leftand somewhere above depending where you are in the page.
I like to think that I am all around American Girl. I wonder at the education I got as a young girl which did not necessarily convince me that women do not have so great in this world. I was a total tomboy and always thought I could keep up witht he guys and I am still trying to do that in many ways.
I am in love....have been even before in life; so I know I am not a psychopath. I genuinely care about the welfare of people regardless of their credd, religion, nationalty, color, sex, secual orientation, etc...so I wold care not being a total Psycho as a good thing.
I must have a conscience because I know I hurt...and deeply at times.
You wanted the truth, and I figured that if I should write about where I truly am at I might as well give a truthful "go' at it.
people may think it a little depressing but i just realized that truth is about the only way through the sludge of life. Maybe others do not have sludge but I do and it comes out in writing. You can ban it if you want.
