Time to get serious about my recovery!

[ms spock]

I am feeling empowered @aut555! I am feeling like I can actually do it now. It is great to feel this way. I now have confidence that if I applyl myself in a positive way I can increase my capacity to take in good things and create good situations in my life. I can also manage my emotions and my life so much better now.

 

[DharmaGirl]

You have inspired me to start working on myself again! I was re-traumatized by my T leaving 2 years ago this month, and my brother passing last year, so I have been dissociated a lot. I just worked on my garden and took care of my animals. My new T told me that with CPTSD, you need to have routines, and I also work hard at what I do, so I understand your method. It works. You know how you work and get better. You are a role model for so many! You are an incredible success story on PTSD recovery!

 

[ms spock]

Thanks for your kind words @DharmaGirl I kind of see it as more that I have the routines now to manage my life better. I think I am at the point of going a lot further with my recovery due to having the basics in place.

We did some great challenges together and I am thinking about starting to run some again!

You certainly have had a tough couple of years given that you lost both your T and your brother. I really felt for you.

So far I have worked on my recovery today by:
Getting up at 5am this morning and walking from 5.30am until 6.30am. (That was with my walking group - so many new people there it was challenging. B came with me as well.)
Making a point to thank my partner and show gratitude.
Eating an omelette for breakfast.
Doing an hour of Minduflness.
Doing some of my back exercises.
Thinking about DBT. Friends (Social situations are really hard for me Quote from here is "And right now, today, this moment, I have everything I need.")
Reading a page about DBT.
Preparing mentally to do my work today!
I did some SuperBetter Quests, Power Ups and Bad Guys

more as the day progresses.

I am really struggling with doing the work I need to do. I am tired. I am procrastinating.
I am also struggling with my eating - and it is become a serious problem once again.

 

[ms spock]

So far I have worked on my recovery by doing a wide range of activities including:

I did some Mindfulness this morning (but fell asleep). I remember doing the Body Scan with detailed attention so that is good.
Later on I did some 3 minute Breathing Spaces and a Self Compassion Break.
I filled out a DBT Diary sheet. I read DBT material.
I did SuperBetter.
I wrote my 750 words for the day.
I did hip exercises and exercise.
We walked the Blue girl for over an hour at the beach/beautiful nature area.
I made grateful statements to my partner.
I was honest with my sister.
I ate appropriately today - eggs and bacon without toast for breakfast and a falafel roll for lunch. I ate a little bit of tahini with rice malt syrup as a snack.
I sorted out quite a few things in my head.
I will speak to B about the lack of accurate information when I am ready - but I am not going to make it a big drama, I am not going to make him pay for it and I am not going to punish him either. I will radically accept what is.
I am setting boundaries around the state of repairs around the house.
B is really making an effort so I am going to focus on that. I am choosing to notice how my partner is listening to me and working on our relationship.
New goal is to lose 11 kilos in 12 months.
I have been going out to social occasions - despite how I feel. I went on Friday night and yesterday afternoon. I am now part of two different social networks or relatively nice people who do good things for their communities. They are socially justice minded! They care for the environment. They are involved in our democracy.
I noticed my procrastination.

 

[Lionheart]

@Ms Spock I think what you are doing is great and I think you are an awesome person, still, I would like to caution you against thinking of yourself as lacking because....

.....sometimes we spend an inordinate amount of time and energy trying to "make up for" things that we perceived ourselves as lacking during times of abuse...Do you know what I mean?

I may be off base, but my concern is sincere and based on my own experiences. I used to try to be a better person, more educated, stronger, more masculine etc., because I thought I lacked these things when I was being abused.

I think you have done a lot of healing and are coming along nicely!!

Perhaps, starting by being okay with yourself as you are, may lead to faster changes and accomplishments in the future. Maybe a nice, steady pace will get you where you want to be in a more solid way.....do you get what I am trying to say here?

If I am wrong then please forgive me, I only want to support and assist you.

Wishing you peace and well-being down to your soul,

Lionheart

 

[ms spock]

Nah @Lionheart777 you are on the money! You are totally right. I am way too hard on myself at times. I doubt myself, even when there is no reason to doubt myself.

I am struggling a bit at the moment - like most human beings do - and I am way too hard on myself, that is for sure.

The good thing is though I feel like I am at a point, where doing more work on myself is really going to reap big benefits and rewards for me - so maybe a better tack would be is to go "Actually I am doing really well, overall, I do doubt myself, but that is an effect of long term childhood abuse, my new direction is to really move towards Self Compassion, Self Soothing, Self Love and Self Care through learning and using as many CBT and DBT skills as I can. As this will set me up for self regulation and be on top of my affect regulation for next year!"

What do you think about that @Lionheart777?

Thanks for your contribution!

 

[Lionheart]

I think that is a very awesome approach @Ms Spock !!! :):tup::inlove:

and I wish you all the best as you proceed with your healing goals.

hugs
:hug:'s
Lion

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Just to second what many have already said: I know that part of my own recovery is actually learning to be okay with NOT trying so har, with NOT giving 110% constantly. It is so counterintuitive to most structured therapies.

As a side note, I seem to have a huge personal problem with CBT and DBT. I don't like them because I believe that they assume that the patient is trying hard enough at any time, and thus push us perfectionists beyond our capacities. I'm not telling you to not try hard. I just know that, for me, labor does not always equal progress. I can only progress as quickly as I can process, and that only happens with time.

 

[ms spock]

I haven't had that response to CBT or DBT I find working on them beneficial @theshadowoftheliving - they really help me get on top of things. I couldn't get into a later CBT book by Sarah Edelmen but when I read the David Burns book it just clicked with me - he writes so well and how he breaks it down really works for how my brain works.

I found this one very soothing Radical Acceptance

It is true nothing will happen quickly - it is about taking the time and applying yourself on a regular basis. I, too, can only progress as quickly as I can progress. I do find that sustained attention to an area does really help me over time. So for example I will focus on one skill for 30 days and that really helps in making it a habit for me - everyone is different and has to find their own way. This is what works for me!

 

[DharmaGirl]

@Ms Spock, I hope you do more challenges. I would like to work on getting better instead of just not slipping away. The climate in my country is a bit fear based, so I am working on that. I am also working on sharing love. I know you will continue to progress.

 

[ms spock]

I am thinking of doing more challenges @DharmaGirl because it is nice to get down to the nitty gritty with members really focussed on one part of their recovery.

Today:
Up at 5am and walking for an hour with my walking group. B and the Blue dog came as well.
It is not easy but I am challenging my own distorted cognitions. They are much better than they were but I need to be more refined in my challenging now.
I am doing some of the activities that are the hardest for me, personally.
I am doing really well. It is not easy.
I did a Self Compassion Break - and that has become really hard to do again, for some reason.
I had a reasonable breakfast two sausages and salad.
I disco danced to one song.
I did my hip exercises.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@Ms Spock My issues with DBT and CBT were just mentioned to tell you to take my opinion with a grain of salt - super happy that they work for you. I still think that it is important to be self-compassionate though - no worries if you aren't perfect; none of us are.