Tips on coping with fear of being alone, especially when not working.

[Hopefulphoenix]

Hi.
Being alone, involuntarily for a long period of time is one of my childhood triggers that I have never managed.
I am currently looking for work, but it takes ages. Maybe a couple more months.
(Getting a job will hopefully give me the exposure to move out of my current isolation cycle. I live out of the city and have bus phobia to face..and social phobia..and im broke so I cant join a class, or gym and voluntary work doesnt exist in the country I live in.)
So Im alone from very early in the morning to when my kids finish school and daycare and my husbands done at work.
The mornings, which I already posted about are the worst. But I seem to physically almost freeze sometimes and be very aware of time going by. It goes so slow!
Im just out of a long depression and dont want to fall back in.
I would appreciate if anyone had had a similar problem, and anything that may help me. ?.

 

[Sandstone]

my current isolation cycle

Usually when people talk about isolating, they mean a deliberate action, but the rest of your post doesn't sound like that.

For myself, I'd rather be alone, so I'm not the best person to advise. The only practical solution I can think of is to get, or borrow, a dog to walk. It forces you to go outside, and you meet other dog walkers, but only have to talk about the dogs.

 

[Rani G2]

So Im alone from very early in the morning to when my kids finish school and daycare and my husbands done at work.
The mornings, which I already posted about are the worst.

@Hopefulphoenix have you thought about TSY Yoga? Has been helpful for me so far.

 

[Whirlwind]

Being alone, involuntarily for a long period of time is one of my childhood triggers

But I seem to physically almost freeze sometimes and be very aware of time going by. It goes so slow!
Im just out of a long depression and dont want to fall back in.

I can relate to what you are talking about....I've experienced similar and abusively isolated as a child, so its a trigger for me as well. But on the bright side I also do very well with aloneness today...most of the time :-)

It sounds like you dissociate as I did when I was younger. It helped me immensely to recognize what it was, learn about it and simply put, for me it only happens when I am severely triggered.

Even when not working I have a weekly calendar where I plan chores, activities etc. The goal is to get things done and it provided a kind of structure. It feels good to look at a week where I did most of my activities.

Consider a hobby or trying something new. There are TONS of free online tutorials. For example, I am learning a language, practice speed typing, take computer software courses...all free. Its fun, keeps my mind occupied and I feel like I am not wasting my time. However I put a time limit on myself as I feel I need to physically doing things is better for me overall.

Get outside routinely, do some kind of exercise. It doesn't cost anything other than clothing and maybe some music. You can also often join a local gym through your park system etc for very low cost. Walk 3x a week. Plan a route on google. It is often the hardest thing to do but it is always the best thing I do for myself, I force myself out and I'm always happier after. I watch the world and yesterday heard the oddest sound...this crow made the most ridiculous noises and had me laughing. Its sounds silly I know but it works.

I think the key is also to get at the core without falling into the PTSD abyss. I like some online coaches...lots of good free stuff. I don't want to spend a week wallowing in recovery etc but I have fall backs to help get me going. One coach I've listened to...just his voice makes me feel better and grounds me. I have some go to PTSD books I reread as I just did recently and it really helped me with of my recent funk.

Learn something new. Meditate. Yoga. Some healthy physical challenge. Hike. I have this area with stairs and I walked them....in the beginning I was huffing, now I can take them in 2's and breathe through my nose. I'm stronger :-)

Cook! A gazillion options and I make a game out of planning a new cuisine or recipe. Or I take whatever is on sale and then find a recipe for it. Its fun.

I hope something here helps and if you haven't read Pete Walker, check out his work. Another think I like to do is hang out at the library, I have a favorite one with big windows and it feels cheery to me.

If you need more idea, I have another 100 for you. ;-)

Take care!

Whirlwind

 

[grit]

Running away from being alone is like running away from your shadow. I will recommend you practice being alone when your children and your husband are at home....and let that feeling sinkin.

We are all alone and this is our destiny.

 

[LuckiLee]

The library, art museum, zoo,... Places you can go to be with people but you don't have to socialize. ??

 

[here2help]

Hi! I can see where loneliness can set in being home all day. Have you considered meeting some nice people at your local church? They usually have groups that you will feel comfortable in. Just a suggestion. Prayers.

 

[Hopefulphoenix]

Hi guys,
Thank you so much for the thoughts ?
I have been offered work experience much sooner than I thought, so now I get to deal with this being alone phobia in more manageable amounts.. and at the same time take on the social phobia! ????
@grit what you said made so much sense. Actually it made me angry as the truth often does, but I am very grateful nonetheless. I have to face myself. 43 years old almost, its a good time.
@Whirlwind It meant the world to be to have someone who identifies.. and who has defeated it. I loved your ideas!!! Now Im out of depression I can try hobbies and hope to get positive feelings back. I guess its all about giving myself permission to feel.
I painted alot when I was pregnant, but the perfectionist/critic in me hasnt dared go back. I have tried sketching and may start again.
Which online coaches do you listen to? And Pete Walker is my hero!!! I was writing in another thread that he actually wrote back to me : )
When it comes to excercise I have enrolled in none to run.. and am at the beginning bit where you do stretches for 3 weeks if you are inflexible.. I get injuries quickly.
And with the meditation I have a trauma sensitive book to try.. and cooking I am learning. @PURUSHA I dont have money to try TSY and its in the city, would like to though, if I was brave enough.
Everything is new!!! It feels overwhelming at times and I want to give up coz “everyone else” can do all this stuff already. But maybe thats why Im scared of me coz I dont know myself and what I like?