Tired Of The Journey

[Tessa]

Tonight I am sick of the undermining and bullying and can't understand how people who are supposed to belong to a caring profession can be so cruel. I pray God will hold me in the palm of His hand and surround me with peace.
Last night another young man tried to hang.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Compassion fatigue destroys many workplaces.

(((((Tessa)))))

Please do take care of your dear self.

Many of the caring nurses I worked with have died very premature deaths. Cancer, cardiac, suicide, murdered. :(

Caring exacts a viscious price on those with empathy.

 

[Tessa]

I tried to extend the doctors "learning experience" by quietly explaining how my AHW tried to kill herself after the meeting and how it was culturally inappropriate. This only met with hostility and now she has written a report saying I directly accused her of the suicide attempt. TRIGGERS.... I have a history of being blamed for things I didn't do and my PTSD diagnosis was from being severely assaulted after an old lady died.
I am struggling with suicidal thoughts myself now.

 

[Tessa]

One brave step after another....the light seems far ahead.

 

[Tessa]

I'm sailing along just fine thinking I don't have PTSD anymore and along comes a rock to trip me up and over I go..tears,hurt pain...frustration.

 

[Tessa]

I'm soooo tired of the journey right now. I want to crawl in a hole in the dark and hide from everyone. Just have not got the energy to hope and go on.

 

[intothelight]

(((Tessa)))

Take care of yourself right now.

Sending healing thoughts and prayers.

Deb

 

[Tessa]

I hurt so much I am struggling to find a reason to stay here. I seem to be in a cycle where it is ok to hurt me deeply and then I am dragged up to apologise for saying it hurt.

 

[Tessa]

Tried to face my fears and attend an inservice organised by a long term bully. Lasted the week and had a meltdown on Friday. Now I feel so ashamed of myself for losing it and crying and having to leave the situation immediately. Flashbacks are back and I feel really down.

 

[intothelight]

Tessa,

I am sorry that you find yourself in a place where you have to be in the same proximity of a person that makes you so uncomfortable. I don't know what to say as I believe that you know all the "tools" that can be used. Sometimes there isn't a way to set boundaries, especially when another person just ignores them, and I don't know what a person does in those circumstances.

I hope that by being away from the situation that you can find some peace and a way to reel in the symptoms. Leaving the situation is the best thing you can do, and maybe when things settle down you can find a way to prevent finding yourself in a similar situation.

Wishing you peace.

(((Hugs)))

Debbie

 

[Tessa]

Thankyou for your kind words Deb. I guess sometimes you just have to ride the storm and hope for calmer waters ahead.

 

[Tessa]

Suicidal thoughts creeping in. I will try to hold them off. Being pushed over the edge with triggers and no one will listen. Being forced to go to the city for managers meeting with people who I know will trigger me.
Lost a 2 week old baby and 38 year old man. CPR on both failed. Was triggered by all the wailing and bashing of walls.

It is mental health week. If I was on crutces no one would knock the crutch out from under me yet it is ok to do it psychologically...